Dream: a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal. Plan: a detailed proposal for doing or achieving something. Goal: the end toward which effort is directed I had to be extra... and look up the words because although we tend to use these words under the same meaning they are not the same things. BUT looking at the definitions I see how they all work together. You are also going to have another word added and that word might just be: work. Work: to produce a desired effect or result. So it looks like you have a dream, you make a plan, then work on that plan until you reach the goal which means you were able to bring your dream to fruition. WHAT IS THE DREAM?
Is a dream realistic or out of the world? If I say my dream is to meet Jun. K, is that ridiculous because he is “famous” (not to mention a 14hr plane trip away) and that seems far fetched? Should my dream be closer to what I actually do daily as in my dream is to be the best teacher that I can be, become the national teacher of the year, and work hard to help students meet scholastic goals? Would that be more credible because it seems less selfish and also more career oriented? The movie Hook teaches us that adults forget about the magic they had in youth due to all the b*llsh*t that devours their life once they “grow up.” Since I am 35 going on 36 am I a grown up who must turn silly dreams into more adult appropriate “dreams.” I think Hook is also trying to teach us to never forget the magic we once had, true it might not be as bright as it was when we were 6,but there is a little gleam of happy thoughts that enables us to fly when needed. In other words DREAM and keep BELIEVING in yourself. YOUR DREAMS aren’t SILLY. As long as you have breath you can make a dream a reality. SO... I can dream of meeting Jun. K and being the national teacher of the year (honestly I feel like the probability of that is lower than meeting Jun. K), but what will be important for both of the those goals are my plans and the work I put into making it happen to reach the outcome, which is the dream. Its a circle or cycle.
ALSO sometimes its ok to be vocal about goals, but remember you only need positive pushes from people and not negative pushes. Talk to people you trust about your goal or keep it to yourself. That is not the normal advice given, some professionals say to talk with others about you goals, but honestly I wouldn’t talk to anyone unless they were a person who had vast knowledge about the dream/goal and ways of helping you plan for your dream/goal. In other words I better go talk to the head of the Jun. K fan club and learn a little MORE Korean.
JUST STAY POSITIVE and make sure you keep GOD involved.
The challenge given was “Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.” My mind went to the movies Freaky Friday and Vice Versa. In these movies the kids mind swapped bodies with parents and parents switched with kids. That’s kind of strange and the point was to get both parties to see both view points, cause the reality is parents do not always see things from their kid’s perspective and kids definitely can’t see their parent’s point of view. But this is for the day and its not necessarily to learn a lesson. Honestly I want to switch for selfish reasons. It should be obvious who I need to be for a day...
Whoever Jun. K calls his girlfriend OR whoever Drake calls his girlfriend or in his case “casual” friend. I don’t know Jun.K’s girlfriend although there have been some guesses... π‘, but we (the world) has been told that Drake’s current “friend” is Kylie Jenner. Not that I want to be in that Kardashian klan BUT I want to see Toronto and Drake’s mansion and his airplane. Not even gonna lie it all might sound basic but I do.
You think maybe I should be someone who could help change the world. Like be a White House “whistle blower” and help with the impeachment garbage. Listen broski blew the whistle on himself... and the republicans are still out here like this is a “witch-hunt.” So no... I need to be selfish and see how I am going to transfer $100K from Kylie wait is she a billionaire? Ok like $300K from Kylie and like $300K from Drake and they can call charity and I will call it a gift. Then I would pay everything off, like the dreaded student loans, and any other debt I have accrued cause I am dumb and this house of OURS. Wait let’s not be crazy cause the government would be like, where did you get this money and I am not trying to deal with all that so what I would do is pay lump sums but not off completely, right pay lump sums like every so often. But in the mean time I am going to go to Korea and find the one I really love. Jun. K. LOL!!! Every scheme leads me to Jun. K. That is probably not a good look though.
Wait... let me explain this a little more clearly.... let’s bullet point....
First “freaky Friday” into Kylie Jenner
Second go to her bank and transfer funds into Princessofde’s bank account
Third holla at Drake like: ”you trying to come to Cali or can I come see you” (Imma say it seductively) you know me I would be like: “Aubrey bring your airplane and pick me up” (I just want to fly in this plane) I imagine myself like this on the phone being seductive like:
So once in Toronto I might YOLO because I only have 24hrs to be Kylie and I wasted almost 5 hours flying to Toronto, well he would be on the plane with me so... yeah um it’s Kylie’s body right? Mile High Club LMAO!!!!!
Now I am in Toronto like: “OMG, $300K of mine disappeared!!! Like real OH WOE IS ME, right I mean Kylie is a billionaire so any intelligent person would be like: “B**** um obviously you learned how to grow money on trees.” So I gotta play to his heartstrings like, *fake Jenner tears* OMG π± I am so a$$ out right now, how did this happen, what am I going to do? **side note: Obviously if I need $600K I could just have Kylie gift it to my account, but why wipe her out when Drake has a whole airplane and is not broke and needs to be a philanthropist too. Plus I kind of just want to see how whipped he can be**
So now Drake gives me this money and shows me Toronto and then I gotta get back to LA or DE before the clock strikes midnight or something so I can body swap again.
I am not sure if I have to “fix” the money but that’s what gangsters do and I am indeed a gangster at this point LOL
LOL See a WHOLE plan to fall in love with the real bae and fix some other problems in my life LOL!!!!
Win Wins all around... Kylie and Drake can become philanthropist (giving to the “poor”) and Minjun can finally be happy in love... no more Mr. No Love.... Mr. In SO MUCH LOVE!!!! LOL with his YOUNG FOREVER GIRL!!!!
And then one night while Minjun and I are in bed about to fall asleep Minjun will say: “Man I would love to do a collaboration with Drake.... and my eyes will pop open like: π³ It will be time for Freaky Friday: the sequel LMAO!!! Cause I would do it again and this time brainwash Drake so that the only thing he would be thinking about is collaborating with Jun. K. Or I could end up swapping with Drake LOL π Hahahahaha haha!!!!
So I renamed the challenge. It really said Another Picture of yourself. First of all, why? I’m gross... second like again when was this challenge created. This person was running out of ideas... anyway I have two pics for your observations. LOL! (Also why is this the narcissist challenge LOL)
*WARNING* Pic number one is called: I Woke Up Like This.
We both look crazy, I was just “waking” up. I say it like that because I really wake up at 6:30am or so and literally lay in bed for hours (if its the weekend or a day off) My pup hates selfies so he was already over it.
Now here is a selfie that looks great (because its filtered) and my hair is fixed. That’s better right LOL!! Still not fully happy as I am either a work in progress or forever gross. But my hair stay on fleek. My stylist slays and my hair just be laid!
There you are more pics of me... what kind of content is this??? I mean unless you stan me (do you, I am accepting fans LOL). I am no one important. Just a single spec. ed. teacher or as I like to say Schoolmarm.
Can I tell you are secret? I want to try a dating site. I wonder why I feel it in spirit to date again? Maybe Jun. K is lowkey getting married and as Drake said: “LORD knows LORD knows” the devastation will be real (but for realz dating wouldn’t not stop that devastation)
Meh... I rather be devastated by Minjun’s whatever, than to go through the dating process.
I rather write a fanfic about dating a person. LOL!!! I don’t need more reality humans I need more reality dogs....
OK so the truth is the person I would date... is famous and younger... another person I would date is famous (not Drake or Minjun) and my age... any other person I would date lives in California, but aren’t “famous,” yet... LOL! I am about to date me and be free. (How did I even get to this...)
I don’t know when this challenge was created but, it said “put your iPod on shuffle and list the first 10 songs.” I am like I have never owned an iPod but, I can play the game lol I am just gonna use my phone which is a galaxy 7 lol (Adulting taught me upgrades cost too much). Its gonna be like Drake, Drake, 2pm 2pm, Minjun lol ....
1.) Douse Wasureru Darou by Junho of 2pm
-This song is so relaxing... Junho can be chill. Its Japanese.
Junho of 2pm
2.)λΉκ°μ (Rainy or rain is falling) by 2pm
-Another chill song this is from the Go Crazy album, Taecyeon wrote/produced it.
3.) Go Crazy (Korean Version) by 2pm
-Title track for 2pm’s 4th album, written/produced by Jun. K, it wasn’t my fave but its catchy af, I appreciate it now lol.
4.)Go Crazy (Japanese version) by 2pm
-Yeah that happened... I have 2 versions but there are like 25... Jun. K remixes like R.Kelly.
5.)No Music No Life by Jun. K (Featuring AI)
-Jun. K is interesting when it comes to producing and writing, but he does what he wants and talks about what it important to him... I could see him wanting to name his child Music, just like Ray J named his baby melody.
6.) μλ κ·Έλλ‘ (As It Is) by LEL (Featuring Jun. K)
-LEL is one of the homies he works with Jun. K all the time, especially on Jun. K’s albums or on 2pm’s like Jun. K actually shouts him out on a track. This particular song is very The Jacksons though check it out.
7.) Guilty Love by 2pm (Japanese track)
- From their 2pm of 2pm album... the MV is HOT.... I dig the choreography
8.) Look What You’ve Done by Drake
-From Drake’s Take Care album... sounds like Drake was a spoiled brat that would have temper tantrums from time to time... but this was dedicated to his grandmother who had passed in 2012, and I don’t listen to it very often because he used a message from her on the track and I get that grandparent bond so its kind of sad.
9.) Finesse by Drake
-I rarely listen to this track from the Scorpion album, it comes on tonight and I am like OMG cause like the first line is: I want my baby to have your eyes... (I thought Jun. K though LOL)
10.) Until the End of Time by Justin Timberlake (Featuring Beyonce)
-So this past summer I was working on a fanfic and I decided it needed a soundtrack and I put this song on that soundtrack. I feel like it my favorite fanfic written by me... but you know really it’s just the best until I write the next one LOL anyway this song came out in what?? 2006 (Black folks always liked the Beyonce version π)
I recommend you try one of these songs. Especially the MVs if they are available, like Guilty love has like 1-3 versions I think. I feel like Until the End of Time is nostalgic. That Junho track is really sweet and I am not gonna lie I don’t know what he is saying but its so relaxing. His album SouzouIs awesome. 10 of all 300 hundred songs is one like a skim of it though.... and HONESTLY no SERIOUSLY I talk about 2pm and Drake BUT my love of music is so deep, I am telling you right now... I can go from Judy Garland to Earth Wind and Fire to New Edition to The Spice Girls, toKim Hyun Joong to Mariah Carey to Dru Hill to Michael Jackson (and low key all that alternative rock or like Emo rock I can probably groove to)
OK so ya girl pulled a cop out... smh REALLY Day 14 said to post a pic of your family, and although I love my family, I just didn’t know what to say... and I didn’t want to post just the pic with a small blurb, so I went to Pinterest and looked up other 30 day challenges. I found a basic challenge and looked at number 14 LOL!!!! It said celebrity crush and I just about died. CAUSE everyone should know my celebrity crush.... OMG just the simple fact that I am on this topic is exciting. Not to say that my family isn’t but you know I share my family the way that I want to share my family and this wasn’t it. Not tonight at least.
SO CELEBRITY CRUSH!!!!!! You already know... but you know what here is my time to explain (as if I haven’t already) what it is about him in particular that turned me from someone who was just a Kdrama lover to a Jun.K lover. Formerly known as Kim Junsu of 2pm he changed his name to Kim Minjun (2012). Now you know when I say Minjun I am talking about Jun. K. (When I go on tangents on facebook, and I use Minjun instead of Jun. K I figure people think I am talking about two different people.)
I KNEW that if I got into Kpop it was over for me. I knew I needed to keep Kpop casual, because Kdrama had already become a great passion for me. Like I have made my mom a full fledge dramabean, I actually turned my co-worker into a dramabean, but curiosity killed the cat
right??? My gateway to KPOP... The Drama: Boys Over Flowers (currently on Netflix check it out... its a starter Drama). Kim Hyun Joong is the dude with the “red” (Auburn) hair color. He was the Second lead in this Drama. I really liked him more than the Lead (Lee Min Ho). When I really like something I look for more of it. (Here is where the cat was killed). Come to find out Kim Hyun Joong was really a Kpop artist. From a group called SS501(Double S 5-0-1). There was a time when Kim Hyun Joong was THE guy I was talking about all the time so much so I was in my garage teaching myself the dance to his song: Unbreakable. (I still know it.) I also watched his other dramas and learned all about SS501. Anyway Kim Hyun Joong was known as the “Korean statue” like that’s how “perfect” they thought him to be... until an ex came out talking about ”he abused me and caused me to miscarriage“ and all that type of crazy.... he kind of ended up in a web of dishonor and pulled one of those let me quietly enlist. Well you know Chris Brown said it best cause “these h*es ain’t loyal”... I mean I still appreciate Kim Hyun Joong’s work ((as I still appreciate Chris Brown’s (when its reasonable)) but between all the drama and the 2 years of enlistment I had to let it go.
All of this is happening in 2014 by the way... I distinctly remember 2pm was on the Go Crazy World Tour in THE USA and I was reading the articles like “oh cool a Kpop group is touring in the states, good for them” and basically a year later I was in love. Biggest regret is not going to see them when they were in the states. But that would have been a lot of money spent on something I didn’t even know or like...yet.
If you know me and you have paid attention to my antics than you already should know the songs that lead me to love 2pm. If you said ADTOY than you love me. ALL DAY I THINK OF YOU. Watch the video... I am going to put it right here... go ahead I’ll wait...
Its not the famous butt dance, or the fact that each member is sexy in his own special way... but at 3:14 the voice hit my WHOLE ear. In order to know the person with the voice I had to learn how to identify each member. I googled 2pm and said “no not him” five times, process of elimination. I found Jun. K. As the song At Last says: “then the spell was cast.” So honestly I started to like 2pm by default, I mean Jun. K has written and produced some of their songs so you gotta like the group. I specifically love him. Overall it started with his voice. I looked up his solo work and let me keep it real I wondered how a very black r&b voice came out of this Korean boy. OH to be a black person who loves Kpop... it makes you question your reasoning from time to time. You can say what you want the reality is Korea has appropriated the **** out of black culture (so has Japan but I really don’t have the time cause as usual Japan took it to another level) Korea tends to teeter between appreciation for black culture and/or black face (the “Its supposed to be a joke but its hurtful” kind) I am not blind nor dumb, I see it. Folks made a super ridiculous big deal about Kpop star Henry’s music video that featured Korean girls with cornrows, yet Koreans will do blackface faster than a drunk white American politician and be like shoulder shrugs. Apparently, Jun. K put on black American swagger so hard, band mate Junho thought he was American. I imagine Minjun’s reply was like: “Nah I’m from Daegu.” And Junho’s face is:
This took a turn didn’t it.
MAY BE I am bias, but to me Minjun is soulful, in other words he has said: (paraphasing) “When I wrote the song “With You” I was listening to a lot of Motown and the Jackson 5, so that sound influenced me.” For your listening and viewing pleasure: With You.
I view Jun. K as an overall artist because this dude wrote a song called: “ Mary Poppins” and proceeds to dance with an umbrella you know cause that’s what Mary Poppins has with her and that big bag.
This guy did a music video for his “Love Letter” track and dressed as Charlie Chaplin in the music video. His music videos always have an underlying artistic metaphor. In other words he is ahead of his time. (And No Shadows is one of the best metaphorical MV in his catalogue). And then there was the time he found trap music.... You know usually you have an artist and like you kind of know what to expect because they are in a particular genre, with a particular sound. Jun. K was like nah, I want to sound like Gene Kelly, in a trap house at Motown, with the Perry Como band behind me and give it a Christmas feel. DON’T BELIEVE ME???
The point is I feel like I can bring Jun. K to the barbecue and the debutante ball. He is going to impress everyone with his rendition of “You and I” by Stevie Wonder who inspired him to make music.
His voice is amazing to me (even if I can tell when his pitch is off or when he makes mistakes) and as any woman would I noticed other things
about him that are nice as well...
Keeping it real, this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my appreciation for Jun. K. The fact of the matter is I let things get out of control once I was single. (Is Jun. K the rebound that never got away?) I don’t know if any of this makes sense... but I hope you walk away knowing that Jun. K is my celebrity crush or as we say in the kpop world he is my ultimate bias. I am a Hottest, (2pm’s fan base name.) Someone said: “You’re not a hottest if you only love one member.” I do love my 6, but can I keep it real, I would have NEVER even researched 2pm if I had never heard Jun.K’s voice. BUT I wonder if he would still have been my bias if I started from the debut of 2pm considering he had NO lyrics and very minimum ad libs.
Poor “Junsu” and his undocumented lyrics or lack thereof. I am glad to have found 2pm when I did and I am happy to be at 30 days to go until Jun. K’s enlistment is complete. I really hope he spent his free time writing songs so he can come out and drop like 10 solos during the 400 some days that Chansung and Junho have left until 2pm can be WHOLE again. Ok not 10 that is excessive, but like 2-3... please. LOL! (And maybe another musical, drama or movie.) No pressure.
I stan Jun. K to pieces.
Me and my Jun. K merch...
1.) Phone case 2.) No Love Hate 3.) No Shadow Tour Tee) 4.) Pan. K school girl tee 5.) No Shadow Tour Hoodie
Dear Fear-
You B*tch! I really need you to leave my life, right now. I don’t need you, especially since I know you are a lie from the devil. All you ever did was paralyze me from doing the things that I wanted to do, by scaring me into thinking I would be better off not taking a chance. Or by telling me I wasn’t good enough to be anything more...you were wrong. You know the last straw should have been the night before Morphicon 2018, when I started to have that fear of the unknown anxiety. But I was able to suck it up and make it! Then you tried again in when I was heading to Tennessee for Leadership with my sorority, luckily I was able to suck it up and put on my big girl pants AGAIN. Please leave me alone... can’t you see that I am not going to listen to you anymore. I am going to continue to follow my dreams and if I have to step out of my comfort zone I will because I have found that the more that I listen to my heart and do the things that I want the more I realize you are just holding me back. Every-time I step out on faith I grow because I accomplish whatever goal I set before myself. Now you want to put fear into my being with other worries, but guess what I will still defeat you as I have every-time in the past. A person can’t figure it out until they try. When you have a situation in front of you and you choose to try you come to a fork in your road and you are given more options, you choose again and there are more options. Yes it is scary, because we know that with good times comes bad times and there will be times when we choose an option and maybe things don’t work out in the first path, but guess what there is another path. You know I listen to Mariah Carey and you know she sang: I can make it through the rain I can stand up once again on my own And I know that I'm strong enough to mend And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
She also sang:
Up out my face boy Up out my face boy Up out my face, I break
You ain't never gonna feel this thing again You gon' get a lot of calls 'cause I CC-ed all your friends (I break) I ain't walking around all mopey and sad Take a look at my bags baby (I break, when I break I break)
So basically I’m out of this emotionally abusive relationship... I am enough, and you are a joke. Don’t even trying messing with my fam or friends... vanish my dude!!!
In the days of MySpace I use to blog regularly if not like 2 or 3 times a day. For whatever reason we all stopped using MySpace. I don’t know why. I just know we stopped. I tried other modes of blogging but nothing was quite like MySpace. I believe a gentleman that went to Howard started a blog around 2010 about his dating aspirations and the loss of his job due to the market changing. I am not even gonna say names because I found out he was put on front street by his ex and its messy. At the time I admired his work and I was having a tough time with working a part-time job, without journalism being involved. I am sure I searched “Blog Spot” because in the web link it always said Blog.spot. Searching blog spot sent me to blogger. So when I started the blog I had time because I worked where I was usually not very busy and in front of a computer. I was fairly bored. I was also at an age when I thought, as I got older and starter to mature and mature things would start happening in my life that I would want to share. (More info about that: https://princessofde.blogspot.com/2019/11/30-days-of-me-day-2-meaning-behind-name.html ) Unfortunately by the time those things started happening, I hadn’t kept up with the blog and decided to keep a lot to myself. For instance between 2014-2017 I was in a very good relationship... well good on my end (I have no complaints we just wanted two different things) ...and there were good times that I could have shared on this blog... (Would it be weird to share that now? π ) At the time I shared pics on instagram, but I didn’t feel like I needed to go into details on a blog so I didn’t. I honestly thought I was going to get the ring, but I was wrong. In the mean time I started a Kpop/KDrama blog and I was posting on that one more. For example... my relationship ended at the end of February of 2017 and my favorite singer had a freak accident like the same night or something... I bet you I blogged about that... (Please view: https://kdramaseoul.blogspot.com/2017/02/jun-k-accident-during-d-3-of-6-nights.html )
I guess in the beginning I really wanted to show the life and times of the Princessofde, but as I would blog I really wanted to make sure I was promoting a positive message, which is why many posts were spiritual. I started this 30 day challenge to help me revitalize this blog... but I think it is going to help revitalize myself. π
Day 11 says: “Post Another Pic of Yourself and Your Friends” MEH... another pic of myself... at a time when I am just in disgust with myself....
I am late with this post because when I am not going to work everyday, and staying on my schedule and structure I start to go out of control. Everything goes haywire. Here is a pic I took and yes it is filtered. I don’t think I should be viewed any other way right now. I wish people has filters built into their eyes so that they wouldn’t be able to see all the ugly over here... any way let’s stay positive I suppose... (I want for all my friends to be positive and happy) I am supposed to add my friends to this lol... I didn’t ask for permission either lol. FIRST OF ALL one of my friends is in Turkey and missing like we haven’t heard from her in like a month or 2 and we miss her and we are worried. When your friends are abroad there isn’t much you can do when they suddenly disappear. We can only pray she is ok. I don’t have a typical set of friends well we all might have friends like this I am probably not the only one...
Friends since High School:
Rachel or as I renamed her “Chuckie” just some random high school sh*t lol. Band geeks forever... we probably go back a little further but we didn’t start hanging tough until high school. She does her thing, I do my thing, we always find a moment to support each other. We always check in like: Hey. π
Howard Girls:
Meeting Danielle freshmen year was probably the best thing that ever happened at Howard. We were just the right amount of energy for each other... Me slightly more outgoing to cover my insecurities and she was slightly timid and studious. Now she is a mom still doing her thing. It is so nice to be able to witness a person’s growth. LOL first notice in both pics I am not a bride and I am wearing pink... when I get married... if I get married I think I will wear a pink gown lol I’ll be 65 anyway.
Carty or should I say, Mrs. Robinson and I don’t talk on a reg, but I love her.
Digital/Cyber Besties:
When my family was going through a lot with my grandfather and his health I felt very alone. Sure I had my mom and my brother, but when it is all said and done, I would go to my room and I be alone with my two dogs. I honestly can’t remember what was going on, but I remember saying to myself that I didn’t want to say anything publicly and that I only wanted to share with a particular group of Hottests. “Hottest” is the name of the fan club for people who love the group 2pm. So I created a DM group on twitter and told a few Hottest about my situation at the time. Now one of my babes (Jess, Singapore) was working like 5 jobs and trying to get herself back in school. Another one of my babes (Ebi, Indonesia) has a family and is a housewife. She can be considerably busy. Trust and believe I love the all of them, but Kass and Eylul stayed in the loop with me and everything that was going on. Now we literally don’t go a day without saying something. I am really busy with work but when things wind down and I get a chance I get in one of the DMs and say something. Eylul is the one I mentioned that is in Turkey and missing, Kass is my other homie who lives in the USA. I have never met any of these people in my life, but as hottest we do what we can to be supportive of each other and we throw pics of our boys in the mix from time to time. It’s like a secret language lol we speak 2pm. π
Teacher Friends:
So let me just say there is someone I appreciate like ALOT at work, but I am just gonna leave you guessing on that one... “Daria”. ANYWAY my babes is my Jazmin. When Jaz first entered my life as my para during summer school, I was like who is this little girl (cause the youngin’s are little to me LOL). She is the only opera singer I know personally and she is a beautiful person inside and out. Her glass is alway half full and she sees the good in everything, but she isn’t dumb and she’s not naive only a smidgen. She decided to take on teaching and I am just like *blink blink* She has a GOOD no gimmick heart. Pure intent.
Male Friends:
Tony Ray
D.Coney
I am shocked that I have so many females in my life there was a time when it seemed like all my friends were dudes. The homies... these two are my security... LOL... body guards LOL π D. Coney and Tony Ray are the homies. There are stories that go with both friendships. I met Tony Ray first at a con in like 2012. I knew him from following JDF (Green Ranger). With Dan we never met... he had only heard of me and then we met at a con the following year. Tony mean so much to me because seeing him cosplay and live his life makes me feel like I can do anything I want. Seeing him pretend to be a super hero makes me feel like I can also pretend to be a superhero... lol. Tony does what he wants and he is who he wants to be and it’s NOT labeled aside from being a Blerd, Tony is just Tony. D.Coney is a family man with super skills on a canvas. And has also helped me see that it’s ok to be nerdy and sexy. I can’t remember his exact words to me but it was something to the effect of “even though you weren’t sure about your costume you still did it, now you can work on it to figure out how to make it better for you.” Not his exact words but whatever he said resonated with me and made me feel good about myself. And that’s all that really matter at the end of all of this...
... Friends are people who should never make you feel bad about the things you want to do or the things that you do. I try to be supportive but I also tend to keep it real. If I think you are making an idiot decision than I say that to you. I try to say it in a nice way but if you don’t get it then I will be blunt. I have been blunt with all the people above. Luckily they appreciate me enough to at least listen, even if they didn’t agree even if they didn’t take my advice. And I hear them when they try to help me, but I am usually too far gone with my head in my ass to listen LOL! Actually I tend to make moves and then be like oh damn... maybe I need help. These people see me through it tho LOL!
How do I even do this LOL!! Music is life. And sometimes a WHOLE album is a mood. Drake’s Take Care is that kind of album. But you know if I am sad I usually don’t feed into that emotion with more sadness. This challenge literally said: “Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad.” But I usually listen to songs to feel a way and not because I am already feeling a way. It more of a mood thing... If I am in a mood I might put on Etta James or Teena Marie. For Etta I will either sing (yes sing): “I would rather go blind” or “All I could was cry” and with Teena it’s “Casanova Brown”
Now I am really weird because I can go from listening to the fluffiest of Jpop to well Drake LOL my mornings could be:
Jun. K: Good Morning
Or Drake: Nonstop
When my inner bad girl wants to shine my go to is Rihanna.
The song that wakes me up every morning:
When I want to be in that big band/American standard time period I love Judy Garland, Dinah Washington, Ella Fitzgerald.
Wait let me not forget about MARIAH!!!!
Mariah really has too many to add... I will just say: Memoirs of An Imperfect Angel is a WHOLE MOOD!!
Now my ALL TIME FAVE is Michael Jackson but I don’t listen to him often because since he has passed listening to his music is instant sadness. Now I will listen every now and then and I have attended Michael Jackson events, but eventually my emotions get the best of me. BUT WHOLE MOODS:
This is just a little bit, so many other groups and songs....
So Last Night I was working on Day 9 which was to discuss something that has happened in the past few days that made me proud... not only was I having a difficult time, I also was slightly disheartened to even do this... I was also EXHAUSTED. Lately work is wiping me OUT! But below is the paragraph I was trying to work on.
(*** where I stopped last night)
Day 9: Proud
Honestly I am proud to be using the best practices when it comes to working with my students. In a meeting recently I felt supported because it was recognized that I was doing the right thing when dealing with particular behaviors in my classroom. I am not knew to tantrums and I also understand the only behavior I can control is my own. I feel like I was able to maintain my cool with kids and adults. I explained what techniques I had been using and I was praised for those techniques, and in a positive was given pointers for the future. The whole thing goes a LONG way for me, because there are way too many times that as a teacher doing the best that I can for kiddos who are unique with special needs, and no one acknowledges the good I have brought to the table. Sometimes that is disheartening as you bust your butt for the school... because genuine praise can go a long way. Which is why we are supposed to be praising children all day. It should be a genuine praise.
***This is why I like to give compliments to others because you never know when your compliment just made someone’s day. Also not gonna lie, as much as I try to remain cool, calm and collected, like totally nonchalant about stuff... being “highly effective” as a teacher is like getting an A+ and brings me pure joy. I mean if I’m going to do a thing I ought to be being the best... so if I can’t be Beyonce on stage, then I might as well be Beyonce in the classroom. And I am not being rewarded or awarded, but my kids (students) are better people because of me. At least that is what I see in them in the 2nd grade (sometimes first sometimes 3rd) during the school year.
It's the end of November and I have no idea what a goal could be... at first I thought should I just make one for December, but as I started this I thought about the SELF CARE that I need. The utterly "selfish" self-care that I need π€£
We have 2 days left and then it's going to be Thanksgiving Break. I am thinking that I need to have a Historical Chinese/Korean movie fest ALONE. So maybe every night (and morning) while I am on break I can watch one or two of these films each day. OR I can binge a Kdrama or maybe even a Chinese Historical Drama... I really want to watch one where someone is like a witch or goblin or something. Whichever I really need it to be a historical movie or drama. I just need a king or queen or concubine or a king's special general... Someone needs forbidden love. And this a perfect goal for my mind and spirit while I am eating Mac n Cheese, sweet potatoes, and greens for the 3rd day in a row.
WHY??? I don't know I just have been in the mood for historical drama... even if I know everyone dies in the end. I have watched House of Flying Daggers like 50 times and I plan to watch this again, but I really need something like Mirror of the Witch that includes some sort of magic. I will find something awesome to watch!!! Now I am excited about Thanksgiving!!!
At first thought my mom came to mind as far as biggest impact on my life, as far as the way I was raised, but I have to say something that had a huge impact was....
The above pic is after an extended stay in the hospital in May of 2007. I was dressed to leave, but still laying in the bed that I had been in for a month. I was probably 80 lbs give or take. Later in December on the 17th it was revealed that I needed an emergency surgery called an “ileostomy” or I would died.
The above picture isn’t me but, this is how I had to live for 3 months. Luckily my ostomy was able to be reversed.
If you look close at this picture on the left, you can see where the stoma is on my belly. When I heard the doctor say ileostomy, I thought my life was over. When I came out of surgery he told me it would be reversed, but in those 3 months I found out how strong and amazing I could be. You have to remember in 2007-2008 I was 23-24 years old. I was fresh out of undergrad and hadn’t really figure life out, but I continued and I lived. This was definitely a turning point in my life and I realized life is too short. I had to live. It took another 2 years to really focus in and figure out what I wanted to do with my life, but I am not sure if my life would have gone this way had I never experienced getting as sick as I got. I appreciate this experience. Sometimes it takes something like this to move you out of the situation you are in and into a better situation. I have some amazing scars and I love them because they represent where I’ve been and that I lived through it. My mom says the scars are not as noticeable, but I see them and I am ok with that and embrace them.
