In My Feelings... I don’t want to Feel No Ways...I have Trust Issues and this is just NOT God’s Plan. Eh, I have Draked way too much, but I have a reason for this... so lately I have noticed that I need to make a change. I feel like I am stagnate and I have felt that way for a little bit now. I decided to write down some goals. To go along with those goals I decided I need to brainstorm and research so that I could write a prayer for each goal. I also found scripture to go with the prayer that focuses on the goal(s). How does this go with being in my feelings? Well at some point in my life a husband and a family would be cool, but it’s not necessarily the focus. Let’s just say I need to take that goal through the same process of writing a prayer and finding the scripture, but in the meantime, my mentality is not there. When I think about what I am attracted to and what I like in a man and etc etc... I feel like most of those thoughts are shallow or I am just saying what my mom would want me to want in a man. Reality is I am very very very shielded when it comes to dating and its only getting worst as I get older and different insecurities come out that I have to learn to accept and deal with before I can allow someone to get to me. AND I am mad independent. I also can’t deal with bulls***. In other words dudes don’t know how to keep it real like just say what you mean and mean what you say... like if you like me bet if you don’t bet... like I am old people now like I am over childish garbage. For the most part I feel better with out the extra emotional feelings about having a boyfriend. I feel better without having to think about how I might have to uproot my life in order to make something work. I feel better knowing I only need to feed myself. BRUH I sound selfish af. LOL. But you know why??? Because I have changed my whole thought process for guys who were kind of stringing me along. It’s not their fault as Drake would say: When I good thing goes bad it’s not the end of the world its just the end of a world that you have with... one boy.” I like single. I like making choices for myself. What’s the problem?
The temptation. Duh, I am human and I know what feels good. AND I am not even talking about sex. I mean like rough days when you really wish your dude will just hold you. Nights when you want to cry on dudes shoulder and he won’t ask what’s wrong he just understands you need to get that out real quick. Kisses. Times when you really just need a hug or when you need someone who (so-called) for real likes you and will tell you that you are cute. Someone to twerk to even when you look like a praying mantis. Someone who will eat a whole cake with you. I actually have plenty of girls to do this with but um I like the opposite sex. And my last ex had some annoying habits, not gonna lie I miss those sort of things in moderation. What I am saying is the physical is missed... what appeals to the flesh is what is missed. I am not here to say: That is wrong and that is condemnation to hell. NOPE... although pre-marital sex is fornication and even having the slightest sexual deviant thought is fornication I am not here to preach on that... you go ahead and pray on that for yourself if you feel convicted... I just recognize such a temptation might make your brain travel away from your focus. I am asking God to help me stay focused and now all of a sudden I miss as hug from a dude from 2-3 years ago... get out of here with that, you know who is trying to keep me from glory....
If I am saying literally saying: I DON’T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Then that is just not the way for me right now. I am trying to be a girl boss.
Although at one point Rihanna was dating some dude while building her Fenty Brand she also stayed focused and found herself single too. Someone might be saying we all grown you can get your swerve on and build your brand. I really can’t. I am trying to recognize that I have a purpose and I have a really big idea/goal. I need to hear from GOD about it and no one else so I DON’T need extra cause that will cause confusion. I am the type who would drop everything for someone else. I also recognize that everything will happen as it is supposed to in its proper time. It took a lot for me to admit that I would like a husband and family one day, because I was starting to be ok without that. It is ok to be alone...YES IT IS... Is is ok to want a family one day... YES IT IS. All in due time. All in God’s time... All in God’s Plan.... was
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Ok so I didn’t keep up with this very well at all. I slipped up and the month is almost over. I have 8 days left of the challenge. Since it is about to be 2020 I was thinking I will just go ahead and knock the whole challenge out in one shot... here we go!!!
Day 23: Something you crave
Ice... so apparently I was/am anemic and the symptom of that was the desire to chew/eat ice regularly. I had to have ice by 9am and continued thru the day. It was really bad, but since treating the anemia that desire is almost gone. I say almost because there are times that my brain says you should get ice but its not strong enough for me to actually get the ice. BUT I love having popsicles (Banana flavored) and I prefer ice water, and very cold drinks. I use getting sick and having a fever as my excuse to get banana pops π.
Day 24: Three Books on the Shelf
Ok So The Rap Year book is very informative my brother actually skimmed it and went through songs listed for each year and I sang or rapped a part of about 95% of the songs. He isn’t into rap so it was a cool bonding moment.
The Great Gatsby is probably one of my favorite stories, I think I read it at least twice and I have watched both the 1974 version and Leo and Toby version. I love both. I think its safe to say this is my all time favorite “adult” story. (Even though I read it in high school) (My favorite kid book is Witches by Roald Dahl and Hatchet by Gary Paulsen)
Ok now JUN.K the books below are called “making books”. Basically these are picture books that show how he prepared for his albums. The first one on the left is the making book for his first Japanese album “Love and Hate” in the book you will find behind the scenes pics of his photo shoots or concert practice. The middle is his making book for his 2nd Japanese album Love Letter. And the last is the making book for his album No Shadow ( which is BY FAR the SEXIEST for reasons...nipples).
Day 25: What’s in your bag?
So I don’t always carry a purse or bag but when I do more than likely you are going to find my IPad, lipstick/gloss, and my giant planner. If I have a small bag then just make up and debit/credit cards. I use to have like 100 pens/highlighters/markers/colored pencils/ but I have stopped carry those things which is dumb because I almost always need a pen.
Day 26: What do you think of your friends?
Kass and Danielle: Hot Mamas Literally
Eylul: Genius Beauty (You can do anything just do it babe)
Rachel: Kingpin the Godmotha (Big pimping working crazy remember to take it easy)
Tonya: Warrior and Ear Lover (I will never get over that fact)
Alise: Spiritual Kpop Nurse (keep going)
Megan P.: The Calm to my Hype... silent busy bee... doing stuff and not being boastful... Lowkey mom
Tony Ray: Classy Lewd Gentleman/activist (fight the power naked)
D. Coney: 1:1 My Guy (in a Denzel voice)
Jazmin: Quiet wise beyond her years... a blessing
Tao: Globetrotter Bear and by globe I mean Seattle to China
Jess: My school girl... Masters... Doctorate!!! I will always be here to support and indulge in that Taeckay lifestyle
Please get at me if you feel like you should be on this list... but these are the people I talk to either everyday or our relationship goes back several years to 10 years back maybe more....
Day 27: Why did you want to do this challenge?
I was trying to revitalize this blog overall. I get a little disappointed because even with the amount of followers I have on instagram I am not really getting views, but I guess blogs are kind of played, but I think that the vlog business is starting to get a little saturated in other words everyone wants to be a vlogger and don’t get me wrong if you can produce bomb content then keep going I mean I have some FAVORITES like Chris Cantada Force PLUS I know how much production goes into vlogging, like its not just recording off your phone and uploading, I mean most are using their phones but there is editing and other concerns... I having been around videographers and Chris I see the work and money they have to put into it because they have to have equipment. They also have a niche and quite honestly my niche is me. LOL... well that and Positivity.
Day 28: this year/ last year pics and compare
Ok we sit on the cusp of 2020 but here are December 2018 and December 2019. Difference I have a weave in 2018 (looking to do that again actually) but my real hair continues to flourish. I continue to have dark circles that can be seen EVEN with filters. I continue to love black eyeliner and the color gray. 2018 and 2019 Dani loves Jun. K I am not sure which loves him more... I have a droopy eye... π FML its only gonna get worst as I age.
Day 29: What have you learned over the month?
I failed at this challenge. It is very difficult for me to keep good habits because it is easier to be lazy. So I guess I need to write up some kind of routine and work on developing better habits.
Day 30: Favorite song...
This anti climatic, like all this philosophical stuff and we end with favorite song... well I guess I can be philosophical here too LOL. First I have to figure out which artist I want to draw from. There are several artists that have made an impact on my life....
2pm: Again and again (preferably the ballad version)
Jun. K (from 2pm): Think about you
Drake: Shot for Me
Michael Jackson: Another Part of Me
Marques Houston: How You Just Gon
Mariah Carey: Lover Boy
And what is ironic or iconic or crazy about these artists, the decade that is about to end was eventful for each, 2pm debuted in 2008 but I found them at the end of 2014 and was around for 3 Korean Comebacks and 3 Japanese comebacks.
2pm gives us Jun. K and I have been there for his solo records and have waited through his 2 years of mandatory service in ROKA.
Drake “debuted” in 2009 and was already on the radar, but that fandom crept up on me suddenly I am listening to him and Jun. K back to back (you can kinda blame Jun. K, but I was with Aubrey during those Degrassi days)
Michael Jackson: died in 2009 (every time I remember this fact it happens to me all over again) but in 2014 they released some never released music and of course they tried to re-kill him and his legacy in 2019...say what you want I won’t let Michael go....
Marques Houston: Has been an artist since 1993... his last two releases were 2010’s Mattress Music and 2014’s Famous. Even though he is into producing and directing movies, I can’t let this dude go....
Mariah: the best... do I even need to say anything... people try to say she is not hitting all those notes and the truth is there are times that it is like she needed a little more tea and honey and less wine but she still ended up with 19 #1s before the decade ended... what she did was made herself the Queen of Christmas...
BUT...
My favorite song is: ADTOY
WHY??? Its how I found 2pm/Jun. K and right now Jun. K is everything... that is just the reality of my life right now LOL!!! This song written by the great JYP is a classic and in a sleek/classic yet modern way expresses who they are as 2pm... beastly, sexy, performers giving us fierce and manly. With rap and VOCALS... Minjun kills period....
OK the Challenge is over are you ready for the next??? LOL!
I don’t know when this challenge was created but, it said “put your iPod on shuffle and list the first 10 songs.” I am like I have never owned an iPod but, I can play the game lol I am just gonna use my phone which is a galaxy 7 lol (Adulting taught me upgrades cost too much). Its gonna be like Drake, Drake, 2pm 2pm, Minjun lol ....
1.) Douse Wasureru Darou by Junho of 2pm
-This song is so relaxing... Junho can be chill. Its Japanese.
Junho of 2pm
2.)λΉκ°μ (Rainy or rain is falling) by 2pm
-Another chill song this is from the Go Crazy album, Taecyeon wrote/produced it.
3.) Go Crazy (Korean Version) by 2pm
-Title track for 2pm’s 4th album, written/produced by Jun. K, it wasn’t my fave but its catchy af, I appreciate it now lol.
4.)Go Crazy (Japanese version) by 2pm
-Yeah that happened... I have 2 versions but there are like 25... Jun. K remixes like R.Kelly.
5.)No Music No Life by Jun. K (Featuring AI)
-Jun. K is interesting when it comes to producing and writing, but he does what he wants and talks about what it important to him... I could see him wanting to name his child Music, just like Ray J named his baby melody.
6.) μλ κ·Έλλ‘ (As It Is) by LEL (Featuring Jun. K)
-LEL is one of the homies he works with Jun. K all the time, especially on Jun. K’s albums or on 2pm’s like Jun. K actually shouts him out on a track. This particular song is very The Jacksons though check it out.
7.) Guilty Love by 2pm (Japanese track)
- From their 2pm of 2pm album... the MV is HOT.... I dig the choreography
8.) Look What You’ve Done by Drake
-From Drake’s Take Care album... sounds like Drake was a spoiled brat that would have temper tantrums from time to time... but this was dedicated to his grandmother who had passed in 2012, and I don’t listen to it very often because he used a message from her on the track and I get that grandparent bond so its kind of sad.
9.) Finesse by Drake
-I rarely listen to this track from the Scorpion album, it comes on tonight and I am like OMG cause like the first line is: I want my baby to have your eyes... (I thought Jun. K though LOL)
10.) Until the End of Time by Justin Timberlake (Featuring Beyonce)
-So this past summer I was working on a fanfic and I decided it needed a soundtrack and I put this song on that soundtrack. I feel like it my favorite fanfic written by me... but you know really it’s just the best until I write the next one LOL anyway this song came out in what?? 2006 (Black folks always liked the Beyonce version π)
I recommend you try one of these songs. Especially the MVs if they are available, like Guilty love has like 1-3 versions I think. I feel like Until the End of Time is nostalgic. That Junho track is really sweet and I am not gonna lie I don’t know what he is saying but its so relaxing. His album SouzouIs awesome. 10 of all 300 hundred songs is one like a skim of it though.... and HONESTLY no SERIOUSLY I talk about 2pm and Drake BUT my love of music is so deep, I am telling you right now... I can go from Judy Garland to Earth Wind and Fire to New Edition to The Spice Girls, toKim Hyun Joong to Mariah Carey to Dru Hill to Michael Jackson (and low key all that alternative rock or like Emo rock I can probably groove to)
How do I even do this LOL!! Music is life. And sometimes a WHOLE album is a mood. Drake’s Take Care is that kind of album. But you know if I am sad I usually don’t feed into that emotion with more sadness. This challenge literally said: “Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad.” But I usually listen to songs to feel a way and not because I am already feeling a way. It more of a mood thing... If I am in a mood I might put on Etta James or Teena Marie. For Etta I will either sing (yes sing): “I would rather go blind” or “All I could was cry” and with Teena it’s “Casanova Brown”
Now I am really weird because I can go from listening to the fluffiest of Jpop to well Drake LOL my mornings could be:
Jun. K: Good Morning
Or Drake: Nonstop
When my inner bad girl wants to shine my go to is Rihanna.
The song that wakes me up every morning:
When I want to be in that big band/American standard time period I love Judy Garland, Dinah Washington, Ella Fitzgerald.
Wait let me not forget about MARIAH!!!!
Mariah really has too many to add... I will just say: Memoirs of An Imperfect Angel is a WHOLE MOOD!!
Now my ALL TIME FAVE is Michael Jackson but I don’t listen to him often because since he has passed listening to his music is instant sadness. Now I will listen every now and then and I have attended Michael Jackson events, but eventually my emotions get the best of me. BUT WHOLE MOODS:
This is just a little bit, so many other groups and songs....
My school pic for the 2019-2020 school year. I look like an awesome high school senior. I wish all my school pictures look like the above picture. To go along with today’s challenge is to also add 15 interesting facts about me. Some of these things you will already know, some of these things you may have already concluded. Honestly, when I look over the list I have only listed the skim of myself. These are of the outer layer. Sometimes its hard to go deeper than that first layer of ourselves. Or maybe I just find these particular things to the most interesting about me. Maybe this challenge will dig a little further as I move along, but first here is the list:
1.) Never wanted to be a teacher, but somehow here I am doing that ish... (I wanted to be famous.) 2.) I was born and raised in Dover, DE. I am still here. (please help me I can’t get out.) 3.) I am a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. (Skee-wee) 4.) Everyone has accepted that I am the pink ranger. (Greek and geek) 5.) Typically, everyone already knows I love Korean Drama and Korean Pop. 6.) My Ultimate Kpop group is 2pm and my bias is Jun. K (EVERYONE knows this) 7.) I have teacher friends, ranger friends, sorority sisters (friends) Kpop friends, Howard U Friends and High School Friends (that I actually talk to fairly regularly) 8.) Recently it has become more apparent that I am a fan of Canada’s finest: Drake. ( I just can’t get over the fact that “Wheelchair Jimmy” is a big time rapper now) 9.) Starbucks is life! (Caramel Macchiato and White Chocolate Mocha hot or Frappuccinos) 10.) Doing a professional development for work really made me feel good. (Doing something successfully that you didn’t know you could is a mood booster.) 11.) I love to shop. I love clothes! I will shop wherever there are nice things for a good price. 12.) I have three dogs. Baby, Bennie, Cha Chi Soo. After my grandfather passed away we accepted Bennie as our own. It’s been difficult meshing these guys together because they are all ankle biters: Weshi (look it up), Pom, and Yorkie. 13.) Power Morphicon 2018 made me feel like I can be and do anything! Amazing experience. (Power Morphicon is a Power Ranger convention) 14.) I love to cosplay. I have cosplay goals. (OMG I should do Joe Gibken again) 15.) I have the best intentions in my heart. I just want to show the world I am awesome and to help people to know that you too can make it through (the rain as Mariah Carey sang) Does it get hard...yes...Do we fail...yes... can we get back up and try again...EVERYDAY!
