can't

Somtimes you don't know
You have potential
Until someone tells you
Then you either
take a step out
Or push that person away
Ignoring the encouragement
because fear paralyzes you
Disabling you from making moves
Such a shame
You can't see the
Good in you
They are only better than you
Because you won't
Be you....

Unfinished...Untitled...take as is...

I feel so wack
So lonely at times
I start to want to cry
and I just don't know why
I tell myself "get over it,
move on from that shit"
Sometimes I get lonely
Sometimes I get scared
Sometimes I wonder how I ever made it here
The only time I'm happy
Is when I see those smiling faces
get off the buses in the morning
so glad to be in school
Or when I'm behind the desk
helping those silly college fools
Or I'm in the mall
Shopping til I drop
Spending money fills my closets
but I'm still without
And I hate to be that girl
who needs a boyfriend
But I was thinking marriage
and a set of twins
But I will be patient
I may not be ready for that
Plus I am more poetic
when my heart is under attack....

It's the most wonderful time of the year.....

So I am watching TV and I see some commercials that are of people dating or on dates and I was like I am going to be single again…

…again as if for the past 4 years I have actually been single, maybe not but its felt like it, probably because the relationships I was in weren’t the ones I should have been in and therefore failures, such as…

…the relationship that was over by October anyway and never really official ANYWAY or…

…the one that was official, even though he really wanted to break up with me in November, but decided February over Yahoo! Messenger was better or…

…the one who was torn between me and another chica and only went with me because her heart was not over her EX again over before it could begin with the wonderful world of Orders over Seas from Uncle Sam or…

the one who, wasn’t there do to certain circumstances that I can’t complain about, but overall it wasn’t the “ideal” situation to be it no matter how great the gifts were that helped to make up for other bullshyte situations…

For so ODD reason the Fall/Winter season is NOT my time for romance and I don’t get it, because the saying has always been “You get bunned up in the winter (to keep warm) and drop it cause it’s hot in the summer.” You don’t bring sand to the beach. But I have been sand FOR SURE.

As much as I say that I am ok with being single is as much as that on the inside I am saying the complete opposite the difference allow though I see this as something I want I don’t have an urgency for it. When would we have time to do anything ESPECIALLY if he has a job and his hours are anywhere between 3pm- 8:00am because we would be together exactly never…with my hours being 8:00am-3:30pm and class on certain nights oh and those hours at the Library. (Life!!! Life!!! Where art thou? LOL!) But that is who likes me…no matter the position…from Wal-Mart associate, Human Resource Shift Manager, or the damn Po po…. But that is beside the point….I have a plan…and it means that I have to step out a little.

#1.) Read the Dover Post for local events.

            Why is this hard? Because when the Dover Post comes on Wednesday it stays in the driveway until the next Wednesday. FOR SHAME!!! Yeah I know but I haven’t been all that impressed with them since they ignored my resume. Anyway Local Events are a great way for me to get out and do the things I like to do oppose to the other stuff offered, such as a free or cheap ticket price for a museum thing, or something like the Wine thing they had at Dover Downs.

#2.) Look on other event calendars for other Galas.

Wilmington University had a ball of some sort. Now I didn’t attend because sometimes I feel like an old woman trying to play with the teens. But other campus (ESPECIALLY DOVER campus) stuff I should try to go to.

#3.) Pick, Choose, Plan.

            I need to check out such events and plan for them. I have sooooooooo many nice dresses and outfits, for ANY occasion.

#4.) Go!

            I hold myself back from such things. I always have an excuse not to go…EVEN if I ALREADY BOUGHT THE TICKET HELLO! Cold weather will be my biggest excuse, driving second biggest, but overall problem will be pure lazy I don’t feel like doing a damn thing.

#5.) I need to just go wherever anyway!
            I mean why not just go to BBW like what’s good and sit at the bar like what? Or any other bar for that matter? I mean why not?  Someone told me to do this like a year ago, but you know people don’t like to listen plus it wasn’t what I wanted to hear at the time.

Okay so all of this sounds pathetic, but I don’t want to be in a relationship so much as I just want a little out about time, meeting and greeting people I don’t know. Sounds dumb but its more about getting my face out there than anything else, how else will any one know the chick that drives that Green Ru and dresses like a Rock Star ok a low budget Beyonce/Mariah Carey and sometimes Michael Jackson LMAO!!!