Take Em To Church...

So today its Sunday. My mom asked me if I was going to church and I was like no. I decided I had a some other ideas for my day.
She was like: Doesn’t that make 3 weeks. (Of missing church) Did you quit?
Me:

Here is the deal, I don’t keep count of that. That is something that she is convicted of. When she misses a Sunday she will say:  Ain’t been in 2 Sundays, Ain’t been in 3 Sundays. I admire her though because the times that she doesn’t physically go she actually livestreams it.

Today I had to say something, because it’s one thing for you to say to yourself I haven’t been in 3 sundays because that is your conviction its another thing to throw that at me as if I am bad because I haven’t been and then to say: “Did you quit?” 🤦‍♀️ Eh mom come on. 🤦‍♀️  And what was really a blower when I thought about it was; can you really fault me for missing it last Sunday when I was out of town. Please understand that I am not upset or angry at my mom, although she may have thought I was, I get it cause as I have stated that is her conviction. We often for lack of a better word, “judge” others from our own guilts/ convictions.
I am NOT RIGHT for NOT going. I am NOT WRONG for NOT going. I made a choice for myself.  So far I think I used my time wisely. I did some skin care (I had gotten lax since I came home from my trip). I decided to make a cup of tea (I found one last pack of my Rose Hibiscus Skin Detox Yogi tea). I took my dogs for a nice long walk, took a few selfies and listened to music. Very self caring. Something I needed. I also REFLECTED. I thought over the situation. I thought about the fact that although I don’t worry so much about time I miss from being in church, I did consider the blessings missed from NOT going to church. Not going to lie my prayer life is lax. I carry my prayer in my heart and hope that God knows my heart.  NOT EVEN GOING TO LIE a few setbacks in life has made it difficult for me to gather the best words for a prayer. We learn “ask and you shall receive”, but what we also are taught “God’s WILL be done.” I have figured out that I OBVIOUSLY have no idea what I really NEED and that what I WANT must not be for me or must be rather outrageous. So me not going to church is me missing good prayer, and the opportunity to hear others pray and to use/accept their words over me. I also miss the opportunity to be amongst a huge group of people who are all praying which is most powerful.

Essentially, I miss the blessings that I would have likely received in church than just being out here in life all Willy- nilly. BUT understand that THAT is what I received as insight to the matter. True, God spoke to me outside of church because remember YOU are the church not the structure, BUT it is still important to make it to the structure every once in a while for fellowship and joining with others in prayer, and also to hear the word. How many times have I been in church and been struck with an idea or felt motivated to do certain things? That is what I (ME) need to consider when I deciding if I am going or not going to church.
Reasons to go to church 

30 Day Challenge: Day 13: Write A Letter To Someone Who Hurt You

Dear Fear-
You B*tch! I really need you to leave my life, right now. I don’t need you, especially since I know you are a lie from the devil. All you ever did was paralyze me from doing the things that I wanted to do, by scaring me into thinking I would be better off not taking a chance. Or by telling me I wasn’t good enough to be anything more...you were wrong. You know the last straw should have been the night before Morphicon 2018, when I started to have that fear of the unknown anxiety. But I was able to suck it up and make it! Then you tried again in when I was heading to Tennessee for Leadership with my sorority, luckily I was able to suck it up and put on my big girl pants AGAIN. Please leave me alone... can’t you see that I am not going to listen to you anymore. I am going to continue to follow my dreams and if I have to step out of my comfort zone I will because I have found that the more that I listen to my heart and do the things that I want the more I realize you are just holding me back. Every-time I step out on faith I grow because I accomplish whatever goal I set before myself. Now you want to put fear into my being with other worries, but guess what I will still defeat you as I have every-time in the past. A person can’t figure it out until they try. When you have a situation in front of you and you choose to try you come to a fork in your road and you are given more options, you choose again and there are more options. Yes it is scary, because we know that with good times comes bad times and there will be times when we choose an option and maybe things don’t work out in the first path, but guess what there is another path. You know I listen to Mariah Carey and you know she sang:
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

She also sang:

Up out my face boy
Up out my face boy
Up out my face, I break

You ain't never gonna feel this thing again
You gon' get a lot of calls 'cause I CC-ed all your friends (I break)
I ain't walking around all mopey and sad
Take a look at my bags baby (I break, when I break I break)

So basically I’m out of this emotionally abusive relationship... I am enough, and you are a joke. Don’t even trying messing with my fam or friends... vanish my dude!!! 

Sincerely, 

Princess of DE 

PS: 

I can...

God wants to use you.... 

As I was working towards becoming a teacher, I learned that we had to have something called an "I Can" statement. It basically states the objective of the lesson/what the students should be able to do by the end of the lesson or unit. Of course, I didn't see the big deal in this...just more work for the teacher or so it seemed. 

Then I was thinking, really I was studying the bible, well I decided to take advantage of one of my bible app's tools of devotional bible reading plans, to help give me insight about God, Me and Faith. One of my devotional plans is about "Identity."  Sometimes I feel lost in myself, I have so many likes/dislikes, wants, fears, feelings and I just wanted to get some insight to help me sort it all out, because I have an unfulfilled feel but I think I mentioned this in the last post, my pastor said, that being worried about fulfilling hopes, dreams, and aspirations is like sin because you aren't listening to God and you aren't being Faithful (I really hope I am saying this all in the right words)....ANYWAY let me get back to "I Can" statements. So in this daily plan, it's talking about Moses and how God told him he needed to go talk to Pharoh and lead the ppl. But Moses was like... I'm not good at Public Speaking, I stutter. God was a little miffed with Moses, cause he told Moses to do something and he was like "I can't." 

We are often told that we can't do something, and many times we internalize this "I can't" and because we begin to believe that we lose Faith in the abilities that we actually have and therefore we can't make it to our blessing. 

At the beginning of the lesson as a Teacher, I am saying: "I can read CVC (Consonant Vowel Consonant) words. And usually, I will say: "We can read CVC words. It's like an affirmation.  You are saying, I can do this thing before saying I can't do this thing. If you are saying you Can do it then the likelihood of you succeeding is greater. 

I think this is what God wants you to do if he calls you to do something, you need to be faithful and say "I can." Unlike Moses who didn't move in Faith at the request of God to speak to Pharoh.  

We should think of this when we are in fear if given a task, we have to know that if we were given an opportunity then we must believe that we can handle the task, otherwise, we could miss the blessing....


God wants you to know that he gave you everything you need to complete the task....

Exodus 4:10-17New International Version (NIV)

10 Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

11 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

13 But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

14 Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. 15 You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. 16 He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. 17 But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it.”

Run in Faith Away from Fear

So I am driving from Middletown and everyone that knows me just said: "Say What,  when were you in Middletown and YOU DROVE!!!" 
Yes, I Drove... I will drive to anywhere in Delaware now, but I am not so keen on driving out of state... mostly driving out of state going north. I have been doing great with driving from Dover to Severna Park, MD on my way to Bmore with bae.  Anyone who knows me knows that this is a new thing for me. I have an interesting fear in the driving department. I think it has a lot to do feeling out of control and lack of confidence that probably stems from Driver's ED.  Regardless I know that sometimes I have to get in my car and go, but I don't really want this to be about my fear of driving. I want this to be about the messages that came to me while driving and that is... Faith will defeat Fear.

I was turning onto Route 1 to get home and that is what I started thinking about... Faith defeats Fear. We can have a fear of a lot of things. Many of Fear things because it comes from not knowing what is to come...so a fear of the unknown. First Day of school new teacher, you are shaking in your boots. Will they listen? Will they learn? Will they like me? ETC. The year goes by and you were successful, but a new year will follow and you will have the same questions about another class coming in only this time you may be less worried as you will have a better understanding of teaching methods, but there is still slight fear. 

I am 100% sure I am about to enter into a season of the unknown TO ME. God knows already I just don't know. I actually think many of us will enter into a season like this due to change to our country politically. 

I don't currently feel fearful of the future, but I got a feeling that feeling will sneak up on me when its go time and I will want to stay where I feel it is safe, but I have to remember that Faith will defeat Fear. 

So as I was driving and praying that the wheels didn't fall off (some fears are irrational) and one of my favorite scenes of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade came to my mind. It is when Indy's father is shot and the only way to save his father is for him find the Holy Grail. At one point he must take a leap of faith... I mean walk out on faith... Like it really looked like he was about to fall to his death, but he stepped out on faith and found the path to the other side.  Now as I mentioned I don't have any fears currently but that is not to say it won't try to catch up to me, I am just lucky that from about 2008 up to the present I have had little moments of taking a chance with faith that my fear has lessened greatly. Now my outlook is excited about the possibilities of the future and this is what I must tell myself if I feel myself staying with fear. (Fear is stagnated)

Watch the clip of Indiana Jones the Last Crusade and feel inspired: 

And also remember: 
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17: 20 NIV