30 Day Challenge: Day 16: Selfie...

So I renamed the challenge. It really said Another Picture of yourself. First of all, why? I’m gross... second like again when was this challenge created. This person was running out of ideas... anyway I have two pics for your observations. LOL! (Also why is this the narcissist challenge LOL)

*WARNING* Pic number one is called: I Woke Up Like This.

We both look crazy, I was just “waking” up. I say it like that because I really wake up at 6:30am or so and literally lay in bed for hours (if its the weekend or a day off) My pup hates selfies so he was already over it.

Now here is a selfie that looks great (because its filtered) and my hair is fixed. That’s better right LOL!! Still not fully happy as I am either a work in progress or forever gross. But my hair stay on fleek. My stylist slays and my hair just be laid!

There you are more pics of me... what kind of content is this??? I mean unless you stan me (do you, I am accepting fans LOL). I am no one important. Just a single spec. ed. teacher  or as I like to say Schoolmarm.

Can I tell you are secret? I want to try a dating site. I wonder why I feel it in spirit to date again? Maybe Jun. K is lowkey getting married and as Drake said:  “LORD knows LORD knows”  the devastation will be real (but for realz dating wouldn’t not stop that devastation)

Meh... I rather be devastated by Minjun’s whatever, than to go through the dating process.

I rather write a fanfic about dating a person. LOL!!! I don’t need more reality humans I need more reality dogs....

OK so the truth is the person I would date... is famous and younger... another person I would date is famous (not Drake or Minjun) and my age... any other person I would date lives in California, but aren’t “famous,” yet... LOL! I am about to date me and be free.  (How did I even get to this...)

30 Days of Me, Day 2: Meaning Behind the Name.

This Is NOT Sex In The City

It really isn’t.
Although I started this blog in 2010 the name relates to my memories from Howard University. My sophomore year my roommate and her friends loved the show Sex in the City. I was never a fan. (I am 95% sure I would appreciate it today). Something that I realized the show was doing was battling the traditional ideas of sex and the role of women. You could say they were showing sexual independence. All the while these women were always beautiful and dressed to kill. These were the original Boss Babes.

Unfortunately for me... I’m not or at least I wasn’t and Dover, DE is a far cry from a city. Even though my fashion sense is decent, I am still not Carrie. (I have been second guessing this full length sequin gown I bought for a ball).

So this blog was suppose to cover the ironies of dating and living in Dover. Looking back it really has been. Reading past passages I laugh as I rack my brain trying to think of the crushes or dates I was talking about.  2010 in North Carolina was sweet.... I feel like the blog over all has been true to its name, but I could have shared more in 2015-2017 about the long term long distance relationship I was in that ended not surprisingly over marriage or lack thereof that we both said we wanted from the start. Let’s call them the Baltimore Years. At least it wasn’t a bad relationship and I found out Baltimore is not as bad as it is made out to be. But I guess we both dodged a bullet.  That is another post for another day.

Who knows maybe after these 30 days of Me, I will discuss getting back into the dating game. 😂 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Maybe....

(At least I know how to look cool)

She's cute, but are there anymore...

***This is a draft that has been sitting here unpublished and I decided to go ahead and publish it.****

So as you know usually in the evening when I walk my dog I have these thoughts that I hurry home and have blog about, and that happened but when I came to my blogger dashboard I started second guessing my idea. I returned to Facebook saw that not much had changes in the seconds I had just been on it and being that I had browse amazon all day after a mini Zyuranger (super sentai aka power rangers) marathon I'd long tired those options. So I went back to my blogger dashboard. I saw that this young man Jozen Cummings who had gone to Howard University's School of Communications graduating about...2004 had a relatively new post for his Until I Get Married blog. When he first started the blog I read like everyday, of course I worked in front of a computer at a library and had the time. Being all about the male perspective of dating and relationships it has been interesting and blew up sending many opportunities his way. (If only we all had of had the guts to start a blog not only for themselves just to vent, but to share with others back in the day when we were blogging on myspace) Anyway, nowadays I don't read often but being that we are friends on facebook I have watch his growth from the time Vibe magazine went under and he lost his job and he started the blog to now as he is a dating reporter for the New York Post. But enough about him he posted a blog a while ago called "How My Job Taught Me To Hate Guys and Why I Need More Nice Guys" and to sum it up it was about guys being choosy as far as women and looks. In so many words he was saying that for his job with "setting" up dates the guys are always asking for "hot" women or more attractive women. He also points out that he does hear such from women. You should read it to get more details as it is linked. But it helped me to finally talk about something I have had on my mind for years probably since before high school, probably since 5th and 6th grades when you have so called "boyfriends" but all you did was talk on the phone (of course now days it texting or chatting).  I have always wondered: 

Am I that girl who guys are like, she's cute, but not enough, or I could do better?"

Now I stopped myself from posting this on his blog as a comment because if I am asking this doesn't it appear that I lack confidence in myself and that is not a good look, but I mean hey at least I am honest. The truth is I am not very confident in my looks, never have been. I can remember living in base housing and feeling like I am not very attractive and I was probably 8 or 9. (It's terrible but hey the first step is getting it out, right). Of course it never gets better, how could it when I started getting the acne in 7th and 8th grade (btw that never went away) then glasses in 10th grade. The only thing I had going in high school is the fact that as time went on I became the upper class men and freshmen carried a torch for me (that sounds way over the top but I don't know how else to explain it). That has nothing to do with looks just admiration, just like I admired seniors when I was a freshmen. In college I didn't think about it much because I was with someone for the most part. Howard was an outer body experience. I mean I just felt confident in general. BUT I know I had issues in general stuff you don't figure out until you are away from home and around new people lol. I was in a relationship for the most and the sun rose and set in him so it didn't matter whether I was gorgeous or looked like a martian I was sustained in me. Well actually I wasn't I was very insecure not about normal girls but famous women, I mean to this day I can't look at Christiana Milian with a smile, but I think my blog for that is back on MySpace. 
So yeah I have always wondered am I a girl who a guy is like she is cute but that one over there is gorgeous. And at the sametime I am choosy but more so about "conditions" than looks. For instance, If a guy tries to talk to me randomly, he will get a friendly: "No thank you." Now if he is gorgeous then I will consider it, but when do the so- called gorgeous guys speak to me? When it does happen I get all flabbergasted. (April 1st 2010 will never forget it). I am guilty of talking randoms from the internet but I mean they seemed legit, but they are also the reason why I don't do it anymore. I prefer to build with people I actually already know so if someone from CMS, Dover High, or Howard, got at me I would entertain the idea, but not really cause I remember those guys and I sort of feel like I am in a "Look at me now" situation, where although I am still that geeky girl you remember in high school my curves are in all the right places and my hair is real.

And now with in my attempts to date outside of my race I am hit with a plethora of other insecurities about how to dance bachata, is it ok if my hair is kinky, or remembering to slurp my ramen as to not insult the cook.  

When it comes to looks I feel the same way I felt in elementary school when they pick teams for kickball, "Don't be last Don't be last." But you know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and to be honest I as I have grown up I don't date based on looks. I date based how do I feel when I am with this person? Does he treat me the way I want to be treated? (Really I am look to see if he makes any mistakes the last guy made so I can promptly give him the boot. SMH!)

Thoughts on singlehood...being numb

Is my life so complicated that I don't know what to blog or is my life so not really complicated that I don't have anything to blog about....
Or is that I know what I want to blog but my words just aren't together yet?
Trying to protect the innocent...
Really the topic should be...Weddings, Weddings everywhere...or Bridesmaid, not even...or Forever Alone....
Not sure....but at some point a few of come to this realization...I am old, I am single, I am cold, this is a dark dark world...and what we usually do is retreat further into of "bat" caves...or we divuluge into our work/school.
I literally work everyday unless there are holidays or breaks in the semester. (perks of working in public and higher education). I also go to class in the evening after work. When would I have time to add a boyfriend really. Not that I wouldn't want to but seriously.
Really this isn't what's on my mind... I am thinking of a friend...singleness is troubling for them. I guess I have become complacent and just don't give a damn that love and lost are irrelevant. I am so caught up in the particulars in order to be with me that I refuse to settle....(just haven't given up hope that there is someONE for me)
It doesn't help that this friend was close to love and lost it all in what seemed to be the same breath.

My opinion is that alot of us, twenty somethings, want to see the world ASAP, we wanted to be ADULTS, YES! We wanted to be on our own and we wanted to make it happen on our own! YES! And we did it for a good 2 years before that became totally F***ing lonely.