30 Day Challenge: Day 11: Friends

Day 11 says: “Post Another Pic of Yourself and Your Friends” MEH... another pic of myself... at a time when I am just in disgust with myself....
I am late with this post because when I am not going to work everyday, and staying on my schedule and structure I start to go out of control. Everything goes haywire.  Here is a pic I took and yes it is filtered. I don’t think I should be viewed any other way right now. I wish people has filters built into their eyes so that they wouldn’t be able to see all the ugly over here... any way let’s stay positive I suppose... (I want for all my friends to be positive and happy) I am supposed to add my friends to this lol... I didn’t ask for permission either lol.
FIRST OF ALL one of my friends is in Turkey and missing like we haven’t heard from her in like a month or 2 and we miss her and we are worried. When your friends are abroad there isn’t much you can do when they suddenly disappear. We can only pray she is ok. I don’t have a typical set of friends well we all might have friends like this I am probably not the only one...

Friends since High School:

Rachel or as I renamed her “Chuckie” just some random high school sh*t lol. Band geeks forever... we probably go back a little further but we didn’t start hanging tough until high school. She does her thing, I do my thing, we always find a moment to support each other. We always check in like: Hey. 😂







Howard Girls:

 Meeting Danielle freshmen year was probably the best thing that ever happened at Howard. We were just the right amount of energy for each other... Me slightly more outgoing to cover my insecurities and she was slightly timid and studious. Now she is a mom still doing her thing. It is so nice to be able to witness a person’s growth. LOL first notice in both pics I am not a bride and I am wearing pink... when I get married... if I get married I think I will wear a pink gown lol I’ll be 65 anyway.
Carty or should I say, Mrs. Robinson and I don’t talk on a reg, but I love her.




Digital/Cyber Besties:

When my family was going through a lot with my grandfather and his health I felt very alone. Sure I had my mom and my brother, but when it is all said and done, I would go to my room and I be alone with my two dogs. I honestly can’t remember what was going on, but I remember saying to myself that I didn’t want to say anything publicly and that I only wanted to share with a particular group of Hottests. “Hottest” is the name of the fan club for people who love the group 2pm. So I created a DM group on twitter and told a few Hottest about my situation at the time. Now one of my babes (Jess, Singapore)  was working like 5 jobs and trying to get herself back in school. Another one of my babes (Ebi, Indonesia)  has a family and is a housewife. She can be considerably busy. Trust and believe I love the all of them, but Kass and Eylul stayed in the loop with me and everything that was going on. Now we literally don’t go a day without saying something. I am really busy with work but when things wind down and I get a chance I get in one of the DMs and say something. Eylul is the one I mentioned that is in Turkey and missing, Kass is my other homie who lives in the USA. I have never met any of these people in my life, but as hottest we do what we can to be supportive of each other and we throw pics of our boys in the mix from time to time. It’s like a secret language lol we speak 2pm. 😂

Teacher Friends:

 So let me just say there is someone I appreciate like ALOT at work, but I am just gonna leave you guessing on that one... “Daria”. ANYWAY  my babes is my Jazmin. When Jaz first entered my life as my para during summer school, I was like who is this little girl (cause the youngin’s are little to me LOL). She is the only opera singer I know personally and she is a beautiful person inside and out. Her glass is alway half full and she sees the good in everything, but she isn’t dumb and she’s not naive only a smidgen. She decided to take on teaching and I am just like *blink blink*  She has a GOOD no gimmick heart. Pure intent.
        

Male Friends: 

Tony Ray

D.Coney

I am shocked that I have so many females in my life there was a time when it seemed like all my friends were dudes. The homies... these two are my security... LOL... body guards LOL 😂 D. Coney and Tony Ray are the homies. There are stories that go with both friendships. I met Tony Ray first at a con in like 2012. I knew him from following JDF (Green Ranger). With Dan we never met... he had only heard of me and then we met at a con the following year. Tony mean so much to me because seeing him cosplay and live his life makes me feel like I can do anything I want. Seeing him pretend to be a super hero makes me feel like I can also pretend to be a superhero... lol. Tony does what he wants and he is who he wants to be and it’s NOT labeled aside from being a Blerd, Tony is just Tony. D.Coney is a family man with super skills on a canvas. And has also helped me see that it’s ok to be nerdy and sexy. I can’t remember his exact words to me but it was something to the effect of “even though you weren’t sure about your costume you still did it, now you can work on it to figure out how to make it better for you.” Not his exact words but whatever he said resonated with me and made me feel good about myself. And that’s all that really matter at the end of all of this...

... Friends are people who should never make you feel bad about the things you want to do or the things that you do. I try to be supportive but I also tend to keep it real. If I think you are making an idiot decision than I say that to you. I try to say it in a nice way but if you don’t get it then I will be blunt. I have been blunt with all the people above. Luckily they appreciate me enough to at least listen, even if they didn’t agree even if they didn’t take my advice. And I hear them when they try to help me, but I am usually too far gone with my head in my ass to listen LOL! Actually I tend to make moves and then be like oh damn... maybe I need help. These people see me through it tho LOL! 

Its Not Just the Power Rangers...it's Fam...

May 2012 I actually published a blog about my bucket list (before I turned 30). My top goal was to go to an anime/comic/power ranger convention and meet the power rangers.  As it is now known I did in fact meet actors who played the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. 

Squad 1

Squad 2

I found out about Power Morphicon (Power Ranger Convention) and wanted to go, but it was in California and for a chick in Delaware it seemed to only be a dream. ESPECIALLY since at that point in my life I didn't travel out of state unless it was in a car or on a greyhound. Also Power Morphicon is every two years (I actually really like that about the con). So in 2012 when I made the goal I looked for cons that were fairly close. Otakon is in B-More (although it will be moving to DC in 2017), and Anime USA is in DC.  

So I met Jason David Frank who played Tommy.

JDF VIP Otakon 2012

 Now JDF is sort of a fan favorite, as in, someone says: "hey remember the power rangers?" and the response is: "Yeah I always liked the Green Ranger or Tommy or the White Ranger." JDF or better yet "Tommy" is that guy.  I kind of got to the climax before even hitting the exposition (Smh I am such a teacher its ridiculous) But really it was just the beginning of the story.... and then I found Lexington 2013 and 2014.... that's right Lexington, Kentucky.

And things really took off with my goal in 2013: 

Walter Jones Original Black Ranger

Karan Ashley 2nd yellow ranger of MMPR

David Yost blue ranger 

Catherine Sutherland the 2nd Pink Ranger (season 3 of MMPR)

   

Jason (Skull) Narvy and Paul (Bulk) Schrier

In 2014 I met Steve Cardenas, he was the 2nd red ranger on MMPR and regrettably I didn't get a pic with him like HOW? So instead I will just promote his business called Force Balance Brazilian Jiu Jitsu....

After 2013 and 2014 things went real crazy and I actually met a lot of other rangers from all sorts of seasons.... But still needed 4 more of the originals...sadly Thuy Trang who played the original yellow ranger passed away in 2001. The original pink ranger Amy Jo Johnson, limits her appearances, at this point Austin St. John had been under the radar having been overseas working as an EMT, and so I kind of let the hope of meeting them go (although technically I was in the same vicinity as Amy Jo while in Lexington during a party so I have that as my keep sake of Amy Jo.) This leaves Johnny Yong Bosch who was the 2nd black ranger of MMPR. He has made a name for himself in the Voice acting world and in the indie music world. I began listening to his band, Eyeshine  and also allowed that love of Asian men out and found out that for me meeting JYB would be a better climax than meeting JDF (SAY WHAT!!!!!) By the time I was meeting Bosch many things in my life had changed, I was a teacher, a girlfriend, I was 30, I was wiser (I suppose).  At this point the friends I had acquired in the ranger world was crazy... so many including artist... Daniel Coney, Cosplayers... Tony Ray... and just the homies everywhere across the United States (across the world really), both male and female (although males are predominant).  I was dabbling into cosplay myself... 

Civilian Cosplay, Joe and Luka Super Sentai Gokaiger

 

That was 2014 so when 2015 rolled around I thought oh I will go to rangerstop, or lexington again. And I didn't...2016 gets here and again I didn't...between teaching, being in a grad chapter of a sorority (was also a dream come true) and being a girlfriend (still yay!!) The cons just weren't happening, BUT WAIT 2016 is a Morphicon year and honestly I was just going to let it go again. I mean me and my boyfriend discussed going, but the likelihood was so slim. Until...I won a ticket to go...I was on Facebook and a contest came up on my timeline from a group called Ranger Live Chat . I usually don't win ever, so I entered thinking no way I am going to win. Time passing and I forget all about it until I get a message from the group saying I had actually won. I really thought it had to be a joke, but soon I received a message about the tickets being processed. So I was like ok I am definitely going.  BUT let us remember life has changed; now I am not going to say power rangers isn't important to me, but at this point with all the responsibility I had gained since making my goal in 2012 I wasn't really showing the excitement. I had a classroom to figure out for summer school/upcoming school year and now I was house shopping with my boyfriend, like wait a minute am I Adulting???? BUT the time comes and I was going to California. Visiting California is a dream come true in itself. Only when I get there NO LUGGAGE!!! I didn't panic... YET... I left my claim and went to Pasadena. (Mind you I was alone. The loner that I am is crazy but that is another blog). Get to Pasadena check into the hotel, go to the convention center get my badge for the con and then I call the airport again. The bag is of course in Baltimore and allegedly on the next flight to LAX and I would get the bag by 8am the next day. I am just like smh. I am still not outraged as there is nothing I can really do. So I go to enjoy the con.  If I don't have my luggage I don't have any clothes by the way and I always try to travel light so the only thing I have in my carry on is a binder of autographs of the people you see above.... *insert crying laughing emoji* I go enjoy Friday night of the con... as much as I can. I decide that I better buy clothes (and underwear) so I find a Forever 21 in walking distance (In my Miss Sofia voice, I knew de was a God).  Now remember I dabble in Cosplay... for Saturday I had an awesome cosplay put together so I could meet...             

  Camille Hyde the first african american to play a pink ranger. This was also a dream come true as I always saw myself as the pink ranger, but it appeared that Saban only could see black girls as a sassy yellow ranger. In the probability that I would not get my bag I searched Forever 21 for a pink tee and found a really cute jean skirt, not an elaborate outfit, but pink.  Go back to the hotel, call the airport, they say something to the effect of it will take 24 hours to get the luggage which means I would get the bag late saturday or sunday; the day I am leaving. So I am so ANGRY. I am burning angry and hungry. SO sulking I go down to the hotel restaurant and partake in Pasadena crab cakes (are they known for that... why would a person from the east coast eat west coast crab cakes)? Now get this... There are power rangers walking all around me, White ranger from Dino thunder is there, Blue Ranger from dino thunder, time force red ranger, black from mighty morphin...come to find out there was a VIP party going on and more and more people started to come thru and I was just sitting there sulking like, Who cares???? I didn't even try to figure out how I could sneak in I just went to my room and called the airport again who just gave me more and more dismal answers. I even made a point to called at 4am when they said they would be open they didn't answer until about 5:30am (i kept calling back) at this point the bag had never left, and was on a flight from baltimore in which it would be at LAX at 9:22 am. Seems like there was hope...nope... knowing airplanes it might land at 9:22 but the bag wouldn't be seen until 10 something and the people at the airport probably wouldn't notice no one was getting it until 10:30...and no one would be calling until 11:00am.  I know what you are thinking well Danielle you are a faithful person so you know God would work it out... yup you are right I knew it would work out but not with that bag. See Pasadena is a good 30 minutes away from LAX if you are just talking distance but the traffic in LA will make you late to your funeral so really its an hour + on a bad day, that would have been both ways, and I wasn't driving I was catching an uber which was going to cost $40 each way. So at 5:30am my eyes were sweating and to keep from calling my mom with a shaky cry baby voice I attempted to call my boyfriend which at 5:45 am in LA means it was about 8:45am on the east coast but he wasn't awake so I called my mom... Won't ya momma make you feel like you can conquer he world??? She was like: "well you bought a pink shirt, well you wear that, you will still look like her!!! and you let the airport know that you had a performance and needed your costumes and everything was cancelled." LOL!! After talking with my mom putting on that simple outfit wasn't so difficult. I thought to myself I can be any pink ranger. 

So I walk over to the convention center and several fellow ranger fans say: "Nice Shelby Cosplay!" I kid you not... $5 shirt $5 skirt, no name brand white sneakers from target, no planning and straight hair with a little  pink lipstick... I was Shelby... It probably helps that I am black and she is black because no one said: Nice Kimberly cosplay or Nice Kat cosplay...It didn't matter... I was on cloud 9 at this point. So God did work it out. I told the airport to keep the bag til Sunday I mean what would be the point in trying to get it. I got to meet Camille Hyde had a great Saturday and by Sunday I didn't want to leave.  I had just met people I knew for years, I met new friends, I met more power rangers, like one I didn't think I had a chance to meet: 

Austin St. John the original red ranger 

The beginning of this trip really made me want to let all of it go. I was really ready to retire the con life. I mean I am not as deep into it as some of my friends but I was really about to retire. I was really about to be like cosplay is over, cons are over, I am never traveling again, I am stupid...etc...etc...etc... parts of me feel like this is only the beginning, again or I am about to begin the sequel... because in a weird way we are family, we are a family of adopted misfits... Our Parents or better yet our God Parents are the actors of Mighty Morphin, Zeo, Turbo (Episodes 1-19 except Blake Foster he is my age). Our Play Aunts and Uncles (like the cool Aunts and Uncles) are the seasons after the originals...we start getting play cousins around Dino Thunder (now they are like the same age as me at least Kevin Duhaney is lol) I mean they are forever using 20 somethings to play teenagers so after Dino thunder you have a mix of play Aunties and Uncles and play cousins and really you have little brothers and sisters because I am older than most of the most recent cast members...(including RPM like really)... but the fans, the adoptees don't just love the rangers, we love each other. And that is why by Sunday I was sad it was over.  After con blues.... so we look forward to the next one... everyone says see you in 2018... or see you at Ranger Stop.... 

I technically made my quota of rangers... and the other crazy thing is they remember me... Catherine Sutherland in that beautiful Aussie accent says: "It's Danielle, right?" Walter Jones, recognizes me and says: "What's Up?" Johnny Bosch pretends to smash my head in a Facebook live video. It's like one of the most interesting communities where everyone is accepted... every race, sex, education levels, disabilities, gay/straight/unicorn, cosplay or not, geek, nerd, dork, cheerleader, frat dude, sorority girl...we are in this community.... The cons are our family reunions. 

A new friend shared a video and I think it further expresses the FEELZ of morphicon.....

OH and damn you Alaska Air!!!! 

Girl Next Door...She's not that bad....

I have been duped...by the media. I thought I wasn't one of those people but I am. They got me. I have been thinking that I am supposed to look like a M.A.C make up artist lives in my house to do my make up everyday and as if  my genes DON'T carry a belly fat trait. I also need long hair and also short hair, that is blonde or brown or black or pink; hazel, blue and sometimes purple eyes; perfectly round, plump lips, and behind. Also boobs, cleavage must perfect, they must be perky, nipples should be even, 34 D...etc.  And the images come at me from everywhere, its not just oh she's blonde and beautiful, actually now days the so beauty is someone who is racially ambiguous. We all seem to have the same skin tone lately.We all seem to be naturally thin as well.
 Oh the Months I spent staring at this one pic thinking, "If that is what he likes why is he into me, I am not her." And, "How can I attain what ever it is that she (Christina Milian) has?" And then look at Bad Girl RiRi... and of course BEY....she seems to be a- many a- man's dream.... Now I know what you are saying BUT Princess DD of DE, you are way involved in your "nerd" world and that can't be showing too much of the same things that the media shows.... I mean.....

 

Comic Cons/Anime Cons both have ridiculous amounts of skin and are sexual in nature as well. Apparently we like our female superheros showing skin and cosplayers probably cause many boners throughout the day at a con. LOL!!!

Well Princess DD you are way into KDrama and KPop it can't be the same overseas can it???

Its much worst actually as the Koreans are super into their skin care and skin products, the girls are gorgeous as they are "exotic" and WAY skinny... the boys are prettier than the girls. So now I am feeling intimidated as well...

Speaking of intimidation.... because for whatever reason men (and woman) are living in gyms and guys are looking like:

Leaving me to feel like with my flab I am so not worthy....

                             BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have two male friends who helped me realize that I am awesome as myself "Princess DD of DE" and that I don't have to be all of the above. First, the best compliment I have ever received in my life paraphrased: Independently I am happy/ able to be happy without the influence of another person. Something about that made me feel awesome, I guess because one of my fears is that the next time I am in a relationship I will lose myself in that person instead of having a balance of me and them. This same friend said that I was "one of a kind." I live to be unique so I guess I am doing something right.
 These were both comments made after only a brief time together, which is amazing because I have never really known what other people see in me upon meeting me. At least I gave this particular guy the right vibes. Well I do believe that I was COMPLETELY myself with this person, I was actually really comfortable with them...hmmm.... anyway (no time to day dream I spend way too much time doing that anyway) another friend of mine explained to me that I had the beauty (and I suppose personality) as the girl next door. It's kind of funny be he is the Sam to my Clarissa (wow that is a throwback but explains it so well) he said in so many words that he has gotten tired of all the girls that look "airbrushed" (for lack of a better word in an ironic twist). I was venting to him about how I've never understood my face. I have never understood why I look the way that I look. I don't think that I am ugly (at least not the way I did as a kid) but I know I am not Beyonce (even if people say so). He said that the appeal of my look is that I am like the girl next door...as in I am that "around the way girl". I am a type of beauty that although regular, a breath of fresh air in the world that gives us so many girls who are made up and over all fake. I guess I should take the fact that so many people say that I look anywhere between 16 and 22 years old into consideration LOL!! Too many times I have been confused by school faculty to be a student. I don't wear make-up as in foundation and the whole nine yards. (I wear eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow on special occasions, lipstick everyday) so when I am natural I look like: 

My friend said: Love the skin you're in.  That is a life long journey, but I am glad to have such encouraging friends to help me see my worth even though I am not like those mentioned above, over all there is something (legitimate) about me that is attractive and I need to remember to allow her to shine.

Pillar

Death is interesting to say the least...it seems to bring people to a lost for words. The last post I made was about a death, so I guess this is how I deal. Someone died and although you can his o-bit is on the internet for confidentiality reasons I won't say his name, but I'll note that he was a child, the littlest of our youngsters.

Death touches us all differently. Some of us grieve briefly and move on, some of us grieve for years and never truly recover. The first death I remember effecting me gravely was that of my maternal grandmother. But I guess there is something that my mother taught that makes me sort of brush off the hurt/pain and get back on the horse. I think when my paternal grandfather passed I worried more about my paternal grandmother. I was a few year wiser upon this death and I had a better understanding of how to hold it in. Although I actually cried for like a minute out loud at work, but no one was there other than my aunt and maybe one other co worker. Then I wiped my tears and got back to work.

(Michael Jackson's death is a sour note in my life that still makes me drop a tear due to the terrible situation surrounding his death, so they are not tears for death but more idolizing tears of the pop star that was...)

I allow others to grieve and I "suck it up." It's sort of like I am the pillar. People lean on me; I am the ear that listens, I cottle, I build back up. While I let you feel, I make sure I look like the brick people know me to be.

I guess I made the mistake of being a cry baby in front of the wrong people, plus I have found that people are paralyzed when I (or others) break down. Especially men (at least the ones I know) and there is nothing worst than crying and needing that pat on the back from someone who is awkwardly watching.

My mother's text Monday was: "Hold it together about, little J--, sad thing." I did just that even as I remembered how on Friday he was sitting on my lap laughing and smiling as he practiced for the up coming Special Olympics. He was grabbing the modified small soft and squishy basketball, then dunking it like the next Michael Jordan. I held it together, when I remembered how that Saturday I found out this little guy knew how to play, "peek-a-boo."
 "I notice he was putting his hands up to his eyes then bringing them down, while I was changing him, I told my mom, I finally figured out he was playing "peek-a-boo."
I can see his face while he was on the changing table with the biggest smile on his face with his very quiet laugh. I even mentioned my favorite thing to do with this kiddo, which was when he would be sitting on my lap and I would let him hold my index finger with his tiny hands. Then I would make my legs sort of bounce and move his arms ever so gently as to mock driving a horse and buggy. And I would say to him: "Oh you must drive the buggy, do you drive the buggy?" He would smile and I would stop as I worried about too much movement or excitement. No matter how much the teacher/para would say he was a tough dude and not as fragile as he looked I would still always worry that I was doing to much. I am sure if he could have talked that he would have asked: "Why'd you stop?"
If you haven't figured it out he was Amish. So I also held it together as I told a co-worker about putting his little homemade Amish coat and bonnet on his little body before we went out to get on the bus at the end of the day. 

When I walked into the school this morning I knew that I had to continue being the pillar that I am, even as I saw wheelchairs moving and I knew he wouldn't be in them; even when I walked in the classroom and saw his little shirt lying on the desk along with his o-bit.

I don't think people would blame me if I broke down, but I think I would be mad at myself, but when being a pillar you're basically holding it all in, so then when you want to feel it won't come out or worst the original feeling turns into other emotions. Basically, after working in the classroom of the student who passed and holding everything in I went to my second job and wanted to get some of it out, but by this point it had been transformed into a different emotion. So now I am here typing these words as I think about Michael Jackson's song: Gone too Soon.

Now I don't know what the Amish believe, and although there are many ideas from the Christian perspective, I can see this little guy in heaven with the other children that leave us at an early age playing and laughing and singing. Maybe he is with other little Amish children, or maybe all children are together. I guess I can see this because that is the last image I saw of him before he died. Or maybe he is an angel. Either way I can't ask why, and I can't be angry. I can only accept that this happen and hope that if he was in pain that his suffering is over. I hope that he can sit on my Grandmother's lap and "drive his buggy."