30 Day Challenge: Day 13: Write A Letter To Someone Who Hurt You

Dear Fear-
You B*tch! I really need you to leave my life, right now. I don’t need you, especially since I know you are a lie from the devil. All you ever did was paralyze me from doing the things that I wanted to do, by scaring me into thinking I would be better off not taking a chance. Or by telling me I wasn’t good enough to be anything more...you were wrong. You know the last straw should have been the night before Morphicon 2018, when I started to have that fear of the unknown anxiety. But I was able to suck it up and make it! Then you tried again in when I was heading to Tennessee for Leadership with my sorority, luckily I was able to suck it up and put on my big girl pants AGAIN. Please leave me alone... can’t you see that I am not going to listen to you anymore. I am going to continue to follow my dreams and if I have to step out of my comfort zone I will because I have found that the more that I listen to my heart and do the things that I want the more I realize you are just holding me back. Every-time I step out on faith I grow because I accomplish whatever goal I set before myself. Now you want to put fear into my being with other worries, but guess what I will still defeat you as I have every-time in the past. A person can’t figure it out until they try. When you have a situation in front of you and you choose to try you come to a fork in your road and you are given more options, you choose again and there are more options. Yes it is scary, because we know that with good times comes bad times and there will be times when we choose an option and maybe things don’t work out in the first path, but guess what there is another path. You know I listen to Mariah Carey and you know she sang:
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

She also sang:

Up out my face boy
Up out my face boy
Up out my face, I break

You ain't never gonna feel this thing again
You gon' get a lot of calls 'cause I CC-ed all your friends (I break)
I ain't walking around all mopey and sad
Take a look at my bags baby (I break, when I break I break)

So basically I’m out of this emotionally abusive relationship... I am enough, and you are a joke. Don’t even trying messing with my fam or friends... vanish my dude!!! 

Sincerely, 

Princess of DE 

PS: 

30 Day Challenge: Day 12: Blogger?

How did I find Blogger? Why did I start one?

In the days of MySpace I use to blog regularly if not like 2 or 3 times a day. For whatever reason we all stopped using MySpace. I don’t know why. I just know we stopped. I tried other modes of blogging but nothing was quite like MySpace. I believe a gentleman that went to Howard started a blog around 2010 about his dating aspirations and the loss of his job due to the market changing. I am not even gonna say names because I found out he was put on front street by his ex and its messy.  At the time I admired his work and I was having a tough time with working a part-time job, without journalism being involved. I am sure I searched “Blog Spot” because in the web link it always said Blog.spot. Searching blog spot sent me to blogger. So when I started the blog I had time because I worked where I was usually not very busy and in front of a computer. I was fairly bored. I was also at an age when I thought, as I got older and starter to mature and mature things would start happening  in my life that I would want to share. (More info about that: https://princessofde.blogspot.com/2019/11/30-days-of-me-day-2-meaning-behind-name.html ) Unfortunately by the time those things started happening, I hadn’t kept up with the blog and decided to keep a lot to myself. For instance between 2014-2017 I was in a very good relationship... well good on my end (I have no complaints we just wanted two different things) ...and there were good times that I could have shared on this blog... (Would it be weird to share that now? 😂 ) At the time I shared pics on instagram, but I didn’t feel like I needed to go into details on a blog so I didn’t. I honestly thought I was going to get the ring, but I was wrong. In the mean time I started a Kpop/KDrama blog and I was posting on that one more. For example... my relationship ended at the end of February of 2017 and my favorite singer had a freak accident like the same night or something... I bet you I blogged about that... (Please view: https://kdramaseoul.blogspot.com/2017/02/jun-k-accident-during-d-3-of-6-nights.html )
I guess in the beginning I really wanted to show the life and times of the Princessofde, but as I would blog I really wanted to make sure I was promoting a positive message, which is why many posts were spiritual. I started this 30 day challenge to help me revitalize this blog... but I think it is going to help revitalize myself.  😂

30 Day Challenge: Day 11: Friends

Day 11 says: “Post Another Pic of Yourself and Your Friends” MEH... another pic of myself... at a time when I am just in disgust with myself....
I am late with this post because when I am not going to work everyday, and staying on my schedule and structure I start to go out of control. Everything goes haywire.  Here is a pic I took and yes it is filtered. I don’t think I should be viewed any other way right now. I wish people has filters built into their eyes so that they wouldn’t be able to see all the ugly over here... any way let’s stay positive I suppose... (I want for all my friends to be positive and happy) I am supposed to add my friends to this lol... I didn’t ask for permission either lol.
FIRST OF ALL one of my friends is in Turkey and missing like we haven’t heard from her in like a month or 2 and we miss her and we are worried. When your friends are abroad there isn’t much you can do when they suddenly disappear. We can only pray she is ok. I don’t have a typical set of friends well we all might have friends like this I am probably not the only one...

Friends since High School:

Rachel or as I renamed her “Chuckie” just some random high school sh*t lol. Band geeks forever... we probably go back a little further but we didn’t start hanging tough until high school. She does her thing, I do my thing, we always find a moment to support each other. We always check in like: Hey. 😂







Howard Girls:

 Meeting Danielle freshmen year was probably the best thing that ever happened at Howard. We were just the right amount of energy for each other... Me slightly more outgoing to cover my insecurities and she was slightly timid and studious. Now she is a mom still doing her thing. It is so nice to be able to witness a person’s growth. LOL first notice in both pics I am not a bride and I am wearing pink... when I get married... if I get married I think I will wear a pink gown lol I’ll be 65 anyway.
Carty or should I say, Mrs. Robinson and I don’t talk on a reg, but I love her.




Digital/Cyber Besties:

When my family was going through a lot with my grandfather and his health I felt very alone. Sure I had my mom and my brother, but when it is all said and done, I would go to my room and I be alone with my two dogs. I honestly can’t remember what was going on, but I remember saying to myself that I didn’t want to say anything publicly and that I only wanted to share with a particular group of Hottests. “Hottest” is the name of the fan club for people who love the group 2pm. So I created a DM group on twitter and told a few Hottest about my situation at the time. Now one of my babes (Jess, Singapore)  was working like 5 jobs and trying to get herself back in school. Another one of my babes (Ebi, Indonesia)  has a family and is a housewife. She can be considerably busy. Trust and believe I love the all of them, but Kass and Eylul stayed in the loop with me and everything that was going on. Now we literally don’t go a day without saying something. I am really busy with work but when things wind down and I get a chance I get in one of the DMs and say something. Eylul is the one I mentioned that is in Turkey and missing, Kass is my other homie who lives in the USA. I have never met any of these people in my life, but as hottest we do what we can to be supportive of each other and we throw pics of our boys in the mix from time to time. It’s like a secret language lol we speak 2pm. 😂

Teacher Friends:

 So let me just say there is someone I appreciate like ALOT at work, but I am just gonna leave you guessing on that one... “Daria”. ANYWAY  my babes is my Jazmin. When Jaz first entered my life as my para during summer school, I was like who is this little girl (cause the youngin’s are little to me LOL). She is the only opera singer I know personally and she is a beautiful person inside and out. Her glass is alway half full and she sees the good in everything, but she isn’t dumb and she’s not naive only a smidgen. She decided to take on teaching and I am just like *blink blink*  She has a GOOD no gimmick heart. Pure intent.
        

Male Friends: 

Tony Ray

D.Coney

I am shocked that I have so many females in my life there was a time when it seemed like all my friends were dudes. The homies... these two are my security... LOL... body guards LOL 😂 D. Coney and Tony Ray are the homies. There are stories that go with both friendships. I met Tony Ray first at a con in like 2012. I knew him from following JDF (Green Ranger). With Dan we never met... he had only heard of me and then we met at a con the following year. Tony mean so much to me because seeing him cosplay and live his life makes me feel like I can do anything I want. Seeing him pretend to be a super hero makes me feel like I can also pretend to be a superhero... lol. Tony does what he wants and he is who he wants to be and it’s NOT labeled aside from being a Blerd, Tony is just Tony. D.Coney is a family man with super skills on a canvas. And has also helped me see that it’s ok to be nerdy and sexy. I can’t remember his exact words to me but it was something to the effect of “even though you weren’t sure about your costume you still did it, now you can work on it to figure out how to make it better for you.” Not his exact words but whatever he said resonated with me and made me feel good about myself. And that’s all that really matter at the end of all of this...

... Friends are people who should never make you feel bad about the things you want to do or the things that you do. I try to be supportive but I also tend to keep it real. If I think you are making an idiot decision than I say that to you. I try to say it in a nice way but if you don’t get it then I will be blunt. I have been blunt with all the people above. Luckily they appreciate me enough to at least listen, even if they didn’t agree even if they didn’t take my advice. And I hear them when they try to help me, but I am usually too far gone with my head in my ass to listen LOL! Actually I tend to make moves and then be like oh damn... maybe I need help. These people see me through it tho LOL! 

30 Day Challenge: Day 10: Favorite Songs for Different Moods

How do I even do this LOL!! Music is life. And sometimes a WHOLE album is a mood. Drake’s Take Care is that kind of album. But you know if I am sad I usually don’t feed into that emotion with more sadness. This challenge literally said: “Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad.” But I usually listen to songs to feel a way and not because I am already feeling a way. It more of a mood thing... If I am in a mood I might put on Etta James or Teena Marie. For Etta I will either sing (yes sing): “I would rather go blind” or “All I could was cry” and with Teena it’s “Casanova Brown”


Now I am really weird because I can go from listening to the fluffiest of Jpop to well Drake LOL my mornings could be:
Jun. K: Good Morning

Or Drake: Nonstop

When my inner bad girl wants to shine my go to is Rihanna.

The song that wakes me up every morning:

When I want to be in that big band/American standard time period I love Judy Garland, Dinah Washington, Ella Fitzgerald.

Wait let me not forget about MARIAH!!!! 

Mariah really has too many to add... I will just say: Memoirs of An Imperfect Angel is a WHOLE MOOD!! 

 Now my ALL TIME FAVE is Michael Jackson but I don’t listen to him often because since he has passed listening to his music is instant sadness. Now I will listen every now and then and I have attended Michael Jackson events, but eventually my emotions get the best of me. BUT WHOLE MOODS: 

 

This is just a little bit, so many other groups and songs.... 

I wrote a fanfic and I have a “soundtrack.”

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-uUZpy1hvXkaCnomEhpqcNjavs6irion

I am old people and I still have these even tho I stream like most people... 

30 Day Challenge: Day 9: Proud

 So Last Night I was working on Day 9 which was to discuss something that has happened in the past few days that made me proud... not only was I having a difficult time, I also was slightly disheartened  to even do this... I was also EXHAUSTED. Lately work is wiping me OUT! But below is the paragraph I was trying to work on.
(*** where I stopped last night)
Day 9: Proud
Honestly I am proud to be using the best practices when it comes to working with my students. In a meeting recently I felt supported because it was recognized that I was doing the right thing when dealing with particular behaviors in my classroom. I am not knew to tantrums and I also understand the only behavior I can control is my own. I feel like I was able to maintain my cool with kids and adults. I explained what techniques I had been using and I was praised for those techniques, and in a positive was given pointers for the future.  The whole thing goes a LONG way for me, because there are way too many times that as a teacher doing the best that I can for kiddos who are unique with special needs, and no one acknowledges the good I have brought to the table. Sometimes that is disheartening as you bust your butt for the school... because genuine praise can go a long way. Which is why we are supposed to be praising children all day. It should be a genuine praise.

***This is why I like to give compliments to others because you never know when your compliment just made someone’s day.  Also not gonna lie, as much as I try to remain cool, calm and collected, like totally nonchalant about stuff... being “highly effective” as a teacher is like getting an A+ and brings me pure joy. I mean if I’m going to do a thing I ought to be being the best... so if I can’t be Beyonce on stage, then I might as well be Beyonce in the classroom. And I am not being rewarded or awarded, but my kids (students) are better people because of me. At least that is what I see in them in the 2nd grade (sometimes first sometimes 3rd) during the school year.

30 Day Challenge: Day 8 Short Term Goal for the Month

It's the end of November and I have no idea what a goal could be... at first I thought should I just make one for December, but as I started this I thought about the SELF CARE that I need. The utterly "selfish" self-care that I need 🤣

We have 2 days left and then it's going to be Thanksgiving Break. I am thinking that I need to have a Historical Chinese/Korean movie fest ALONE. So maybe every night (and morning) while I am on break I can watch one or two of these films each day. OR I can binge a Kdrama or maybe even a Chinese Historical Drama... I really want to watch one where someone is like a witch or goblin or something.  Whichever I really need it to be a historical movie or drama. I just need a king or queen or concubine or a king's special general... Someone needs forbidden love. And this a perfect goal for my mind and spirit while I am eating Mac n Cheese, sweet potatoes, and greens for the 3rd day in a row.

WHY??? I don't know I just have been in the mood for historical drama... even if I know everyone dies in the end. I have watched House of Flying Daggers like 50 times and I plan to watch this again, but I really need something like Mirror of the Witch that includes some sort of magic. I will find something awesome to watch!!! Now I am excited about Thanksgiving!!! 

        

30 Days of Me: Day 7: Something That Made The Biggest Impact On Me

At first thought my mom came to mind as far as biggest impact on my life, as far as the way I was raised, but I have to say something that had a huge impact was....

The above pic is after an extended stay in the hospital in May of 2007. I was dressed to leave, but still laying in the bed that I had been in for a month. I was probably 80 lbs give or take. Later in December on the 17th it was revealed that I needed an emergency surgery called an “ileostomy” or I would died. 

The above picture isn’t me but, this is how I had to live for 3 months. Luckily my ostomy was able to be reversed. 

If you look close at this picture on the left, you can see where the stoma is on my belly. When I heard the doctor say ileostomy, I thought my life was over. When I came out of surgery he told me it would be reversed, but in those 3 months I found out how strong and amazing I could be. You have to remember in 2007-2008 I was 23-24 years old. I was fresh out of undergrad and hadn’t really figure life out, but I continued and I lived. This was definitely a turning point in my life and I realized life is too short. I had to live. It took another 2 years to really focus in and figure out what I wanted to do with my life, but I am not sure if my life would have gone this way had I never experienced getting as sick as I got. I appreciate this experience. Sometimes it takes something like this to move you out of the situation you are in and into a better situation. I have some amazing scars and I love them because they represent where I’ve been and that I lived through it. My mom says the scars are not as noticeable, but I see them and I am ok with that and embrace them. 

  

30 Day Challenge: Day 6: Favorite Super Hero

Anyone who knows me knows that I love the Power Rangers. I have discussed that fact in the past on this blog. It was here that I set my goal to meet the original cast of  Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. As much as I love Tommy Oliver (the beloved Green, Iconic White then also red (twice) and black ranger), my FAVORITE superhero is the Pink Ranger. We have 27 years of Power Rangers and 45 years of Super Sentai. Super Sentai is like Power Ranger’s daddy. Of all those years of the seasons I have watched I have a top 3 of my FAVORITE pink rangers. 

3.) Kat (MMPR, Zeo, Turbo) 

So honestly it took adulthood for me to be able to understand that Kat was a good person. In her storyline she comes in as a pawn used by Rita Repulsa to weaken the power rangers, Kimberly the original pink ranger in particular. In the end she ended up helping the rangers once she realized she was being used. It was the end of an era as we end up saying goodbye to Kim and Kat filled in as Pink Ranger. It wasn’t the first time we had a switch-a-roo, on the show but this was a big one for me. BUT when I discovered her on the ZEO season I fell in love with Kat. She ended up fitting in very well for the show.  OHHH and Catherine Sutherland is the sweetest person. (The pic gives me Olivia Newton John vibes) 

2.) Jen (Time Force) 

Time Force was the first season I watched without “Tommy” that was mind blowing (for me) and the storyline was more mature as much as it could be for a kids show. First off she is technically the “leader” as she is in charge of the crew from the year 3000, she watches her fiancé die only to go to the year 2000 and find a dude that looks like the dead fiancé. LIKE WHAT??? NUTS right? But seriously I always have to put Erin Cahill on my list because she is the NICEST most down to earth celebrity. Like her smile and the way she greets you is like she actually appreciates your existence as a fan. She does Hallmark and Lifetime Movies and its Christmas time so you will see her. 

1.) Kimberly

Ironically when I first started watching Power Rangers I actually really identified with Trini, she was really calm, and peaceful. When Trini left Kimberly was my stability. (Don’t question my state of mind I was a kid.) As time went on I realized I was as much of a mall rat and valley girl as Kimberly. I mean as Valley as a girl from Dover, Delaware can be. Also the Tommy and Kim thing sold it too. I was like OMG I want to be the the gymnast who gets the black belt. (Not so much for Princess of DE) I haven’t met Amy Jo Johnson, I hope that I do one day. 

Ok so Sentai... 

Ahim de Famille

*Gokaiger honestly helped to make me value Power Rangers more. The season is basically a bunch of randoms (space pirates) who just want to find the “the greatest treasure” in the universe and don’t have much care or respect of the power they hold, but as they go on they start to see what they have.... they were badass... and Ahim was a badass even though she exuded that love vibe that pink rangers give she was still a G. 

*Rin

After watching Gokaiger and realizing Power Rangers had some explaining to do I watched Gosei Sentai Dairangers and most of the continuity questions I had about Season 2 of Power Rangers were answered. Dairangers was another out of this world season with badass rangers and ridiculous bad guys. And the pink ranger was sweet but tough.

Ok so Honorable Mentions: 

Cassie- Power Rangers Turbo, Power Rangers in Space

 Sydney- Power Rangers SPD

Mei- Zyuranger

Ok so I can’t do this post without mentioning Shelby from Power Rangers DinoCharge 

Me cosplaying as Shelby in my ex’s backyard 

Honestly the character mean everything to me because this was the first time a pink ranger was an African American. I mean I dropped a couple of tears because I waited 20 years, for someone to realize African American women can be soft, sweet, kind and a Boss (or a freaking valley girl that just wants to shop all day), not to say that all the African American Yellow rangers weren’t great cause Karan, Nakia, and others are amazing, but let’s keep it real why did it take so long (aside from a couple of times they didn’t have a pink ranger)? BUT unfortunately the actress who played Shelby is... living the Hollywood (but in NYC) life and I feel shuns Power Rangers. And that’s cool boo do you I get, but sometimes you have to appreciate your past/fans of the fandom. Just saying.  

P.S:

Shameless PLUG... I am a superhero too... let’s put it like this, I had colleagues come into my classroom and a gentleman was looking at my stuff and said: “You really are the Pink Ranger.” I was like... “Yeah.” No one refutes it so.... 

 

30 Days of Me: Day 5: Where Have You Been?

I have to share my most recent and best trips I have taken in the past 2 years.
Power Morphicon... August 2018
Best Trip EVER!!!
LIVED my BEST LIFE!!!
I was in Anaheim and as much as I don’t like Disney I went to Disney Land cause why not?


 
Always gorgeous in California. 

 

 

In 2019 I decided to go to Nashville for a Leadership conference and it was also a GREAT trip. I learned a lot and also relaxed a bit!
 

Both trips I went by myself and met up with friends/sisters. Honestly being alone like that is the type of Self Care that I need. Like I spent the day with people and friends and then I would go to my room and relax. That is what I enjoy.