30 Day Challenge: Day 8 Short Term Goal for the Month

It's the end of November and I have no idea what a goal could be... at first I thought should I just make one for December, but as I started this I thought about the SELF CARE that I need. The utterly "selfish" self-care that I need 🤣

We have 2 days left and then it's going to be Thanksgiving Break. I am thinking that I need to have a Historical Chinese/Korean movie fest ALONE. So maybe every night (and morning) while I am on break I can watch one or two of these films each day. OR I can binge a Kdrama or maybe even a Chinese Historical Drama... I really want to watch one where someone is like a witch or goblin or something.  Whichever I really need it to be a historical movie or drama. I just need a king or queen or concubine or a king's special general... Someone needs forbidden love. And this a perfect goal for my mind and spirit while I am eating Mac n Cheese, sweet potatoes, and greens for the 3rd day in a row.

WHY??? I don't know I just have been in the mood for historical drama... even if I know everyone dies in the end. I have watched House of Flying Daggers like 50 times and I plan to watch this again, but I really need something like Mirror of the Witch that includes some sort of magic. I will find something awesome to watch!!! Now I am excited about Thanksgiving!!! 

        

30 Days of Me: Day 7: Something That Made The Biggest Impact On Me

At first thought my mom came to mind as far as biggest impact on my life, as far as the way I was raised, but I have to say something that had a huge impact was....

The above pic is after an extended stay in the hospital in May of 2007. I was dressed to leave, but still laying in the bed that I had been in for a month. I was probably 80 lbs give or take. Later in December on the 17th it was revealed that I needed an emergency surgery called an “ileostomy” or I would died. 

The above picture isn’t me but, this is how I had to live for 3 months. Luckily my ostomy was able to be reversed. 

If you look close at this picture on the left, you can see where the stoma is on my belly. When I heard the doctor say ileostomy, I thought my life was over. When I came out of surgery he told me it would be reversed, but in those 3 months I found out how strong and amazing I could be. You have to remember in 2007-2008 I was 23-24 years old. I was fresh out of undergrad and hadn’t really figure life out, but I continued and I lived. This was definitely a turning point in my life and I realized life is too short. I had to live. It took another 2 years to really focus in and figure out what I wanted to do with my life, but I am not sure if my life would have gone this way had I never experienced getting as sick as I got. I appreciate this experience. Sometimes it takes something like this to move you out of the situation you are in and into a better situation. I have some amazing scars and I love them because they represent where I’ve been and that I lived through it. My mom says the scars are not as noticeable, but I see them and I am ok with that and embrace them. 

  

30 Day Challenge: Day 6: Favorite Super Hero

Anyone who knows me knows that I love the Power Rangers. I have discussed that fact in the past on this blog. It was here that I set my goal to meet the original cast of  Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. As much as I love Tommy Oliver (the beloved Green, Iconic White then also red (twice) and black ranger), my FAVORITE superhero is the Pink Ranger. We have 27 years of Power Rangers and 45 years of Super Sentai. Super Sentai is like Power Ranger’s daddy. Of all those years of the seasons I have watched I have a top 3 of my FAVORITE pink rangers. 

3.) Kat (MMPR, Zeo, Turbo) 

So honestly it took adulthood for me to be able to understand that Kat was a good person. In her storyline she comes in as a pawn used by Rita Repulsa to weaken the power rangers, Kimberly the original pink ranger in particular. In the end she ended up helping the rangers once she realized she was being used. It was the end of an era as we end up saying goodbye to Kim and Kat filled in as Pink Ranger. It wasn’t the first time we had a switch-a-roo, on the show but this was a big one for me. BUT when I discovered her on the ZEO season I fell in love with Kat. She ended up fitting in very well for the show.  OHHH and Catherine Sutherland is the sweetest person. (The pic gives me Olivia Newton John vibes) 

2.) Jen (Time Force) 

Time Force was the first season I watched without “Tommy” that was mind blowing (for me) and the storyline was more mature as much as it could be for a kids show. First off she is technically the “leader” as she is in charge of the crew from the year 3000, she watches her fiancé die only to go to the year 2000 and find a dude that looks like the dead fiancé. LIKE WHAT??? NUTS right? But seriously I always have to put Erin Cahill on my list because she is the NICEST most down to earth celebrity. Like her smile and the way she greets you is like she actually appreciates your existence as a fan. She does Hallmark and Lifetime Movies and its Christmas time so you will see her. 

1.) Kimberly

Ironically when I first started watching Power Rangers I actually really identified with Trini, she was really calm, and peaceful. When Trini left Kimberly was my stability. (Don’t question my state of mind I was a kid.) As time went on I realized I was as much of a mall rat and valley girl as Kimberly. I mean as Valley as a girl from Dover, Delaware can be. Also the Tommy and Kim thing sold it too. I was like OMG I want to be the the gymnast who gets the black belt. (Not so much for Princess of DE) I haven’t met Amy Jo Johnson, I hope that I do one day. 

Ok so Sentai... 

Ahim de Famille

*Gokaiger honestly helped to make me value Power Rangers more. The season is basically a bunch of randoms (space pirates) who just want to find the “the greatest treasure” in the universe and don’t have much care or respect of the power they hold, but as they go on they start to see what they have.... they were badass... and Ahim was a badass even though she exuded that love vibe that pink rangers give she was still a G. 

*Rin

After watching Gokaiger and realizing Power Rangers had some explaining to do I watched Gosei Sentai Dairangers and most of the continuity questions I had about Season 2 of Power Rangers were answered. Dairangers was another out of this world season with badass rangers and ridiculous bad guys. And the pink ranger was sweet but tough.

Ok so Honorable Mentions: 

Cassie- Power Rangers Turbo, Power Rangers in Space

 Sydney- Power Rangers SPD

Mei- Zyuranger

Ok so I can’t do this post without mentioning Shelby from Power Rangers DinoCharge 

Me cosplaying as Shelby in my ex’s backyard 

Honestly the character mean everything to me because this was the first time a pink ranger was an African American. I mean I dropped a couple of tears because I waited 20 years, for someone to realize African American women can be soft, sweet, kind and a Boss (or a freaking valley girl that just wants to shop all day), not to say that all the African American Yellow rangers weren’t great cause Karan, Nakia, and others are amazing, but let’s keep it real why did it take so long (aside from a couple of times they didn’t have a pink ranger)? BUT unfortunately the actress who played Shelby is... living the Hollywood (but in NYC) life and I feel shuns Power Rangers. And that’s cool boo do you I get, but sometimes you have to appreciate your past/fans of the fandom. Just saying.  

P.S:

Shameless PLUG... I am a superhero too... let’s put it like this, I had colleagues come into my classroom and a gentleman was looking at my stuff and said: “You really are the Pink Ranger.” I was like... “Yeah.” No one refutes it so.... 

 

30 Days of Me: Day 5: Where Have You Been?

I have to share my most recent and best trips I have taken in the past 2 years.
Power Morphicon... August 2018
Best Trip EVER!!!
LIVED my BEST LIFE!!!
I was in Anaheim and as much as I don’t like Disney I went to Disney Land cause why not?


 
Always gorgeous in California. 

 

 

In 2019 I decided to go to Nashville for a Leadership conference and it was also a GREAT trip. I learned a lot and also relaxed a bit!
 

Both trips I went by myself and met up with friends/sisters. Honestly being alone like that is the type of Self Care that I need. Like I spent the day with people and friends and then I would go to my room and relax. That is what I enjoy. 

30 Days of Me: Day 4: Bad Habits

Lately, I have developed a really bad habit of falling asleep around 8-10 pm and waking up around 12-3 am, trying to figure out what happened.

So, I will get home a little before 4pm and discuss dinner.  Depending on the day and how my life is set up I will eat Dinner ASAP. I am always super hungry after work. Then I try to stay downstairs to seem like a good family member until 6 or 7pm. Once in my bedroom sleepiness starts to happen. I don’t know if this is from staying active all day or if this is a new “you’re turning old” situation. 

ALL of my YEARS of being a Para or Teacher I would stay up until about 2am. Then I would wake up at 6 something and go about my day. People thought I was nuts but it was how my body rolled.  It wasn’t every night. I would crash Wednesday. So Sunday-Tuesday I would be up until 2am, Wednesday I would fall asleep at 10pm and then I was back at it for the rest of the week. 

Now I am falling asleep early, but this is problematic because after so many years of night owling my body is like: “Wait, Stop... you fell asleep at 9pm, you must need to wake up at 3am.” Which is WAY too early. I am not like one of those early rise people. I want to wake up when the alarm is set to go off, which is about 6:20am. 

Tonight is one of those “I fell asleep at like 9pm” nights only this time I woke up at 12am. This was actually a good thing because I was about to mess up and forget about posting for Day 4. 

I just need my body to get itself together. It has nothing to do with the time change because this started in September. 

I think it’s link to other things like turning into old people/personal turning old issues. I don’t think it is school anxiety, but it could be work related as I seem to be focusing so much of my time and energy on work....

I’m a SCHOOL MARM!!!!! I might as well live at the school. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 

BLEH...  

30 Days of Me: DAY 3: My Animals

MY ANIMALS!!!!! 

MY FUR BABIES!!!!! 

This is my first fur baby.  (Back story my brother went to college my mom felt away, bought a dog and then told me to take care of him) At first, I called him Mr. Cheeseburger, but that changed due to the fact that when my mom would come home she would yell out: BABY!!! So, Baby, he became. He is a Weshi (Westie/Shih Tzu) and he is like 10 years old. As he gets older I worry more and more about how I will someday have to lose my best friend. I mean it is what it is dogs don’t have the life expectancy of a human and maybe just maybe I have 10 more years. My tears have poured on this dog. He treats me terribly just as an old man treats his wife. I still love his mean ass!

  

My second fur baby is...

Bennie. So technically Bennie was my grandfather’s dog. Ben lived with my grandfather, so he was unofficially my fur baby... Bennie is an 8-year-old Pomeranian, that I believe my cousin bought to my grandfather not long after a previous dog had passed. He came with the name Ben and we left it at that, although he comes to us if we say: Benjamin, Bennifer, Bennieboy, sometimes Benford. Ben has anxiety smh... and barks a lot. He was a great companion for my grandfather and probably helped him live longer as well.

 

In my household, my official second fur baby was my little flower boy 차 치 수 (Cha Chi Soo).  Chi   Soo is sickly looking Yorkie. He is super skittish. This dog will jump away from a pile of leaves. His ears weren’t trained so they flop instead of standing straight up. I like to call him my “toddler-infant” as he loves to be held as you hold an infant child.  Ok, I guess I should explain the name. When he came to us his name was supposedly Prince, but he wouldn’t respond to that at all so we decided to rename him. At the time I had gotten my mom into Korean Drama and we both love a character who’s name was Cha Chi Soo. This guy is what they call a “flower boy” and since Chi Soo was supposed to be our Boujie Prince we went with Cha Chi Soo. It’s cute until you are chasing him down the street yelling CHA CHI SOO in a Korean accent.  

   

Back to Bennie. So my Grandfather passed away and we had to take the dog in... well due to the circumstances my brother had grown super attached. So Ben became our third dog in our household. I don’t think my mom is very happy about that at all... BUT we are making it work the best we can!! 

 

I love having them and they make me happy! It’s been hard on Ben considering he was use to a different house and a different schedule. Honestly, I think his story is heartbreaking as his master left home one day and never returned. That breaks my heart every time I think of it and I try to block it out. He went from being an only dog to having to compete with two other dog brothers. Both he has tried to mate with inappropriately. Luckily as mean as Baby is, Baby was able to accept Ben to the house and fam. Chi Soo is much more laid back, but initially Ben wanted to mate badly with him and it took a while to get them together without Ben want to “sex him up.”  Finally Ben got over it, although the urge to have Chi Soo as his partner comes back from time to time. As it does with Baby as well. The funniest thing to me is that there is no rhyme or reason for the three. Like most people in my neighborhood with multiple dogs have two of the same breed. Here we are the dog version of the Rainbow tribe. Ben is attached to my brother and stays in the room with him. Actually, Ben hates being stuck in the room and relaxes with my mom in the evening. He goes upstairs when it is time for bed. Baby and Cha Chi Soo stay glued to me. 

30 Days of Me, Day 2: Meaning Behind the Name.

This Is NOT Sex In The City

It really isn’t.
Although I started this blog in 2010 the name relates to my memories from Howard University. My sophomore year my roommate and her friends loved the show Sex in the City. I was never a fan. (I am 95% sure I would appreciate it today). Something that I realized the show was doing was battling the traditional ideas of sex and the role of women. You could say they were showing sexual independence. All the while these women were always beautiful and dressed to kill. These were the original Boss Babes.

Unfortunately for me... I’m not or at least I wasn’t and Dover, DE is a far cry from a city. Even though my fashion sense is decent, I am still not Carrie. (I have been second guessing this full length sequin gown I bought for a ball).

So this blog was suppose to cover the ironies of dating and living in Dover. Looking back it really has been. Reading past passages I laugh as I rack my brain trying to think of the crushes or dates I was talking about.  2010 in North Carolina was sweet.... I feel like the blog over all has been true to its name, but I could have shared more in 2015-2017 about the long term long distance relationship I was in that ended not surprisingly over marriage or lack thereof that we both said we wanted from the start. Let’s call them the Baltimore Years. At least it wasn’t a bad relationship and I found out Baltimore is not as bad as it is made out to be. But I guess we both dodged a bullet.  That is another post for another day.

Who knows maybe after these 30 days of Me, I will discuss getting back into the dating game. 😂 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Maybe....

(At least I know how to look cool)

30 Days of Me Challenge Day 1: New Pic & 15 things

My school pic for the 2019-2020 school year. I look like an awesome high school senior. I wish all my school pictures look like the above picture. To go along with today’s challenge is to also add 15 interesting facts about me. Some of these things you will already know, some of these things you may have already concluded. Honestly, when I look over the list I have only listed the skim of myself. These are of the outer layer. Sometimes its hard to go deeper than that first layer of ourselves. Or maybe I just find these particular things to the most interesting about me. Maybe this challenge will dig a little further as I move along, but first here is the list: 

1.) Never wanted to be a teacher, but somehow here I am doing that ish... (I wanted to be famous.) 
2.) I was born and raised in Dover, DE. I am still here.  (please help me I can’t get out.)
3.) I am a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. (Skee-wee) 
4.) Everyone has accepted that I am the pink ranger. (Greek and geek) 
5.) Typically, everyone already knows I love Korean Drama and Korean Pop. 
6.) My Ultimate Kpop group is 2pm and my bias is Jun. K (EVERYONE knows this) 
7.) I have teacher friends, ranger friends, sorority sisters (friends) Kpop friends, Howard U Friends and High School Friends (that I actually talk to fairly regularly) 
8.) Recently it has become more apparent that I am a fan of Canada’s finest: Drake.  ( I just can’t get over the fact that “Wheelchair Jimmy” is a big time rapper now) 
9.) Starbucks is life! (Caramel Macchiato and White Chocolate Mocha hot or Frappuccinos) 
10.) Doing a professional development for work really made me feel good. (Doing something successfully that you didn’t know you could is a mood booster.) 
11.) I love to shop. I love clothes! I will shop wherever there are nice things for a good price. 
12.) I have three dogs. Baby, Bennie, Cha Chi Soo. After my grandfather passed away we accepted Bennie as our own. It’s been difficult meshing these guys together because they are all ankle biters: Weshi (look it up), Pom, and Yorkie. 
13.) Power Morphicon 2018 made me feel like I can be and do anything! Amazing experience. (Power Morphicon is a Power Ranger convention) 
14.) I love to cosplay. I have cosplay goals. (OMG I should do Joe Gibken again) 
15.) I have the best intentions in my heart. I just want to show the world I am awesome and to help people to know that you too can make it through (the rain as Mariah Carey sang) Does it get hard...yes...Do we fail...yes... can we get back up and try again...EVERYDAY!  

30 Days of Me Challenge

Looks like it has been a while, like a little over a year 🤦‍♀️... I have been all over in life... ups and downs, losing myself and finding myself over and over.
I was looking to find a writing challenge...it was not intended to be for my blog BUT... I decided to give it a try... as in commit to a challenge. It is indeed a challenge because look at how difficult it is to keep a blog 🤦‍♀️... its been a challenge. I guess I can give you a preview of this challenge. I found it on Pinterest, of course. I am going to have to set up a time and this is a must do. I feel like this year is about commitment and follow through. Let’s get started... in the next post. 😂

Stop the Madness... God's Answers

Lately I've been dealing with alot of feelings that can't/couldn't decipher, or like fix. Usually I am really good at hearing myself hear dumb stuff in my head and be like yeah right shut up satan. And maybe it's been the lack of self care... oddly enough I've been trying to keep up with self care and even at work we talked about self care every month and I thought I had it going on but by March I was jacked up caught in stress... not even fully work related. Crazy thing I always talk about kids not being able to process their feelings because their brains aren't fully developed. But just now I realize I haven't been able to process my feelings either. I feel everything all at once, I get mad at myself, I get self doubt, view myself as "not good enough," silly, and ugly. I swear I felt like I was in middle school again. And I don't even want to talk about the love life thing like... You start to feel like maybe you don't deserve love, or kids.... I try to look at my students as mine, but it's hard giving them away at the end of the year (sometimes 😂). I had this grand idea to prepare for single motherhood on my own terms and this is where I think God came to the rescue cause I I'm sorry as many mom's are out here doing the single motherhood thing like a boss I just don't really want to do that. Not that I can't cause I can, I know I can but I don't want to and I honestly don't think it's of God. It's funny ppl were ok with it when I said I might have to borrow someone's seed. They agreed like sometimes that what you gotta do... and the Danielle inside was like WHAT????
Now I hate like talking about my "issues" cause I feel like I sound like a whiny brat. Like  girl stop.... listen your kpop and get over it. But hell even my kpop was leading me to feelings I couldn't process....
Sometimes a message can be given and it's like you've kind of heard it before but this time it's received. Like the constant message given is God's grace, redemption and forgiveness. I think it was the fact that the speaker Dr. Gregory Cruell brought up Robin Williams and his suicide... it reminded me of how much satan really doesn't like me and really wishes I'd murk myself....(it's an evil devilish satanic demonic spirit that messes with us like that) I realized a few years ago I'm here for a reason... I looked over my life... when I was to be born my mom was sent home told she wasnt in labor... that only could have left me brain damaged or I could have been born with Cerebral palsy. Instead I ingested fecal matter (not funny) and since that's basically body poison I could have died.
Then honestly self hate is nothing knew to me... I'm not sure if I was a sensitive kid but I was the kid that took everything other ppl said about me to heart... I don't understand my complexion, I'm short but not petite, I have big feet that are odd looking, I grow a unibrow I have dark features on light skin, AND I have a pot belly, but im skinny...  I wish I looked like the girls in music videos, honestly I wish I was cool like the girls in high school. I also hate the brain wave in me that says: here's a thing now obsess about it.... (i have easily acquired over $2000 (if not more) in 2pm (please see kpop blog) and power ranger stuff.... should I say I don't hate it until someone looks at me with that "you're So pitiful" look and says: "you're obsessed"  wtf is wrong with me liking Kim Min Jun to the point that I wrote him a letter while he was in basic??? (Please see kpop blog) what's wrong with me loving Michael Jackson so much his death still hurts??? Do I go to work? Have I paid my bills? So when I buy myself another Kim Min Jun t-shirt who did it hurt? You? Do you know how many kpop fans /power ranger fans and or power rangers I could gather and have a party and call them my friends because we really are friends?? Ok ok... moving on... I've discussed this before there was that other time I almost died... abscess bursting inside of your gut really hurts btw, a doc telling you, you're gonna die takes a second to process. I'm still here tho... so the devil has been defeated so many times in trying to kill me. Today I was reminded that that is satan's plan.... now really the preachers message was about validation and affirmation.... in other words if someone in Robin Williams' camp had of gotten to him first and re-affirmed his awesomeness maybe he wouldn't have taken himself.... there were some other things I heard like remembering God's Plan.... I'm a planner, it's like school career marriage baby only my plans fell through lol. That's also been a major downer for me... my idea, my plan I had for myself... after a 2 year relationship I'm like ok whatever... but then I realized a year later I didn't know which way to go... that didn't work so do I go back to school??? Lol I was thinking I need to get back on the path.... but where's the path??? Yeah I need to find the path God has for me.... a friend recently said... "God doesn't make mistakes" (dont even know what were talking about but it stuck with me) which takes me back to another sermon where the preacher talked how we are always saying... "I'm not good enough or tall enough or skinny enough etc etc... bunch of stuff I don't like about myself, but "God doesn't makes mistakes" if I could keep these lessons in my head, but I've got to practice what is preached..... the great thing is I heard God loud and clear today... "stop all that over thinking and follow my word for answers, trust Me (God) for answers." (Cause I don't listen to others anyway I'm always trying to decipher life with my answers, but I've got all the answers to the old tests not the new ones 😂) AND it's obvious I'm here for a reason... I have a purpose, I have touched lives (I've been a big sister to so many) I will be a part of more....
Also I need to finish what the other preacher said... he said write a list of 20 things you like about yourself... I got to 8 things and some of the things on the list are things I don't always like 😂
1. I'm 5'1.5 (shortie)
2. Passionate for specific persons or things (That so called obsession)
3. In my mind I'm as much a star as Beyonce
4. Caring
5. I'm soft and squishy ( not toned)
6. Quirky
7. Geek
8. I need and wear glasses/contacts
9. Stylish/ style of my own
10. I can flirt/be polite in English, Spanish, and Korean
11. More outgoing than I like to admit
12. Children stare at me like I'm an alien, adults stare at me cause I'm exotic? (I haven't figured it out)
13. I'm a good teacher
14. I nurture (I'm sorry but I will be motherly/big sisterly to everyone)
15. I fall in love too easily (I will always love you, better yet I will always see the good in you, this is in all relationships)
16. I can sing (not always good, but only Kim Min Jun sings perfectly 😂 lies sometimes he is flat or pitchy)
17. I'm super imaginative (with structure tho)
18. I love sugar
19. I'm more rational than I'd like to be
20. I'm 34 years old... I feel 14 forever lol #youngforever
By the way... it's going to be super hard to stop making my own plans like I'm a very structured person so I hope God shows me this path clearly, because much like my students I'm not so good with change or transitions out of my control.....

I can...

God wants to use you.... 

As I was working towards becoming a teacher, I learned that we had to have something called an "I Can" statement. It basically states the objective of the lesson/what the students should be able to do by the end of the lesson or unit. Of course, I didn't see the big deal in this...just more work for the teacher or so it seemed. 

Then I was thinking, really I was studying the bible, well I decided to take advantage of one of my bible app's tools of devotional bible reading plans, to help give me insight about God, Me and Faith. One of my devotional plans is about "Identity."  Sometimes I feel lost in myself, I have so many likes/dislikes, wants, fears, feelings and I just wanted to get some insight to help me sort it all out, because I have an unfulfilled feel but I think I mentioned this in the last post, my pastor said, that being worried about fulfilling hopes, dreams, and aspirations is like sin because you aren't listening to God and you aren't being Faithful (I really hope I am saying this all in the right words)....ANYWAY let me get back to "I Can" statements. So in this daily plan, it's talking about Moses and how God told him he needed to go talk to Pharoh and lead the ppl. But Moses was like... I'm not good at Public Speaking, I stutter. God was a little miffed with Moses, cause he told Moses to do something and he was like "I can't." 

We are often told that we can't do something, and many times we internalize this "I can't" and because we begin to believe that we lose Faith in the abilities that we actually have and therefore we can't make it to our blessing. 

At the beginning of the lesson as a Teacher, I am saying: "I can read CVC (Consonant Vowel Consonant) words. And usually, I will say: "We can read CVC words. It's like an affirmation.  You are saying, I can do this thing before saying I can't do this thing. If you are saying you Can do it then the likelihood of you succeeding is greater. 

I think this is what God wants you to do if he calls you to do something, you need to be faithful and say "I can." Unlike Moses who didn't move in Faith at the request of God to speak to Pharoh.  

We should think of this when we are in fear if given a task, we have to know that if we were given an opportunity then we must believe that we can handle the task, otherwise, we could miss the blessing....


God wants you to know that he gave you everything you need to complete the task....

Exodus 4:10-17New International Version (NIV)

10 Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

11 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

13 But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

14 Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. 15 You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. 16 He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. 17 But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it.”

It Will Be Ok....

I swear the devil will really try to take you out starting with your mind....

So I walk into the church and I'm greeted by the "first lady" the pastor's wife and she is like "Hi, how old are you now?"
I'm used to this because I was never one of the church kids who lived at the church.  So I am like "33" and her response was: 

"Oh you're still young... it will be ok... it will be ok." 

And I was thinking... Um ok.... as I walked in to take my seat. I was cool but the comment kept running through my brain like, what did that mean? 

I am in the service... its praise and worship and my brain is like: What did she mean? And I started to define it... I am thinking, oh she must have been saying this because I am not married and living with my mom.  (Yeah I broke up with my Boyfriend back in February). 

I don't walk into church with a husband. I have been going with my mom for the past 18 years. So this is my assumption and its straight up pissing me off. Now understand I am able to recognize satan and how he works so I already know this is an attack. I am really trying to put all of this out of my head, but it just won't go away... because I was thinking about how ok I am without a having a boyfriend/husband right now. But the feeling that I have been having lately are feelings of not being fulfilled and not knowing how to fulfill these things I want to and feel that I need... so tears started to roll out of my eyes involuntarily and we are in worship, but these tears have nothing to do with worshiping.  So I am wiping tears left and right cause I don't really do public tears... even in church... another story for another day.... 

For whatever reason my mom steps out for a second... (I try to be good in church, I don't do social media in church unless the pastor tells us to take a selfie or something) so I text a friend real quick....  he is a Christian and older so I respect his thoughts on God, Christianity, and his Wisdom. I tell him what happened, but what is funny is right as I am texting this I am like wait.... maybe this is something else. 

I started thinking about this woman of God.  One thing I already knew is that this woman wouldn't be saying anything to me that would be mean hearted.  Something else I thought about was the gift(s) that God has placed over this woman's life.  

As I sent this message I am like: Wait who is to say that she didn't hear something from God to make her say that.  Who is to say that spirit of unfulfilledness was hanging over me even though I wasn't even thinking about it at the time. I had been thinking about last night. I was like maybe here words was just confirmation that IT WILL be OK. With that realization that whole spirit of anger lifted. If I hadn't of gotten that I wouldn't have heard anything the Pastor said and he really had something to say. He even said something that kind of went along with my feelings of being unfulfilled and how we stress ourselves about the things we want, and what we want to do, and what we need, and we concentrated on figuring out how to get this stuff when we really need to put God first instead. In which I already know I fail at putting God first. 

But if I had of allowed that satanic thought process continue going on and on in my brain... I wouldn't be sitting here typing this at all.  

What is even more awesome is I can stop worrying about everything that I think I need to do in order to be fulfilled, give it to God and let him sort it all out. Allow him to work out my life as he sees fit so he can put things in the right order... cause I can't run this... I don't know what I am doing LOL!!! 

Lesson 1: Don't let satan steal your joy... who will use your weakness, he knew my weakness cause I cried about last night instead of praying about it. 

Lesson 2: God has to come first. 

I need to research the bible and what the bible says about fulfillment. 

The funny thing is I have heard this over and over and over again, but it really clicked today.

So I am believing that IT WILL BE OK!  

Blackheads and Our Obsession with them....

It seems like everyday I see a picture of a black head remover or a video of someone removing a black head mask. In the video that show up close and personal the blackheads and the yucky grossness being pulled right out of the skin. Usually this is gross but satisfying. Lately I have found myself wondering how I can rid myself of these black heads...really how I can make my pours less noticeable.  I have been on this quest and even decided to use my proactiv regularly. So far acne is way down...I am still working on the dark spots left from previous popped pimples. I've had a skin problem since like 1997 like as soon as I was in middle school it started. And I really thought I would grow out of it but here I am 33 years old and its something I am still fighting. My lifestyle filled with stress, french fries, and late nights probably doesn't help much. My interests in Korean culture pushes me towards the bathroom sink. Probably not the best philosophy to follow since the underlying thought in Korean culture is that the more light/white your skin is the more beautiful you are... a friend of mind calls it whitewashing. Whatever...melanin is popping... I like mine even if I am considered high yellow and I love an Asian man with a tan... but pores are non-exsistent on my idols. I too want to make my pores disappear.  One thing I discussed with my kpop buddies is how of favorite guy seen in the video doesn't seem to have pours and we joke and ask: "Is he an alien?" As I look at my nose and surrounding areas of skin I see those holes filled with gook and I am like I need them to go away!!! But I thought about that tonight and asked myself: Why do we have black heads? Maybe we should keep them.  So I went to the internet of course... Starting with pores  they release oil this oil can build up and clog said pores and lead to zits, blackheads and white heads... the worst part is...

"...if you pick at your skin and squeeze your pimples you can unfortunately damage your pores and permanently widen them." 

I do/did that so I have messed up... but its seems like overall you don't need blackheads...I say let's do away with them and shrink our pores.... I recently started using a night cream that has retinol in it because I am getting old and even though I still get hit on by very young kiddos...I know my skin isn't what it use to be.... I think I am going to rip the black heads out of my face with one of those masks. This will my Spring Break experiment.