30 Days of Me: Day 5: Where Have You Been?

I have to share my most recent and best trips I have taken in the past 2 years.
Power Morphicon... August 2018
Best Trip EVER!!!
LIVED my BEST LIFE!!!
I was in Anaheim and as much as I don’t like Disney I went to Disney Land cause why not?


 
Always gorgeous in California. 

 

 

In 2019 I decided to go to Nashville for a Leadership conference and it was also a GREAT trip. I learned a lot and also relaxed a bit!
 

Both trips I went by myself and met up with friends/sisters. Honestly being alone like that is the type of Self Care that I need. Like I spent the day with people and friends and then I would go to my room and relax. That is what I enjoy. 

30 Days of Me: Day 4: Bad Habits

Lately, I have developed a really bad habit of falling asleep around 8-10 pm and waking up around 12-3 am, trying to figure out what happened.

So, I will get home a little before 4pm and discuss dinner.  Depending on the day and how my life is set up I will eat Dinner ASAP. I am always super hungry after work. Then I try to stay downstairs to seem like a good family member until 6 or 7pm. Once in my bedroom sleepiness starts to happen. I don’t know if this is from staying active all day or if this is a new “you’re turning old” situation. 

ALL of my YEARS of being a Para or Teacher I would stay up until about 2am. Then I would wake up at 6 something and go about my day. People thought I was nuts but it was how my body rolled.  It wasn’t every night. I would crash Wednesday. So Sunday-Tuesday I would be up until 2am, Wednesday I would fall asleep at 10pm and then I was back at it for the rest of the week. 

Now I am falling asleep early, but this is problematic because after so many years of night owling my body is like: “Wait, Stop... you fell asleep at 9pm, you must need to wake up at 3am.” Which is WAY too early. I am not like one of those early rise people. I want to wake up when the alarm is set to go off, which is about 6:20am. 

Tonight is one of those “I fell asleep at like 9pm” nights only this time I woke up at 12am. This was actually a good thing because I was about to mess up and forget about posting for Day 4. 

I just need my body to get itself together. It has nothing to do with the time change because this started in September. 

I think it’s link to other things like turning into old people/personal turning old issues. I don’t think it is school anxiety, but it could be work related as I seem to be focusing so much of my time and energy on work....

I’m a SCHOOL MARM!!!!! I might as well live at the school. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 

BLEH...  

30 Days of Me: DAY 3: My Animals

MY ANIMALS!!!!! 

MY FUR BABIES!!!!! 

This is my first fur baby.  (Back story my brother went to college my mom felt away, bought a dog and then told me to take care of him) At first, I called him Mr. Cheeseburger, but that changed due to the fact that when my mom would come home she would yell out: BABY!!! So, Baby, he became. He is a Weshi (Westie/Shih Tzu) and he is like 10 years old. As he gets older I worry more and more about how I will someday have to lose my best friend. I mean it is what it is dogs don’t have the life expectancy of a human and maybe just maybe I have 10 more years. My tears have poured on this dog. He treats me terribly just as an old man treats his wife. I still love his mean ass!

  

My second fur baby is...

Bennie. So technically Bennie was my grandfather’s dog. Ben lived with my grandfather, so he was unofficially my fur baby... Bennie is an 8-year-old Pomeranian, that I believe my cousin bought to my grandfather not long after a previous dog had passed. He came with the name Ben and we left it at that, although he comes to us if we say: Benjamin, Bennifer, Bennieboy, sometimes Benford. Ben has anxiety smh... and barks a lot. He was a great companion for my grandfather and probably helped him live longer as well.

 

In my household, my official second fur baby was my little flower boy 차 치 수 (Cha Chi Soo).  Chi   Soo is sickly looking Yorkie. He is super skittish. This dog will jump away from a pile of leaves. His ears weren’t trained so they flop instead of standing straight up. I like to call him my “toddler-infant” as he loves to be held as you hold an infant child.  Ok, I guess I should explain the name. When he came to us his name was supposedly Prince, but he wouldn’t respond to that at all so we decided to rename him. At the time I had gotten my mom into Korean Drama and we both love a character who’s name was Cha Chi Soo. This guy is what they call a “flower boy” and since Chi Soo was supposed to be our Boujie Prince we went with Cha Chi Soo. It’s cute until you are chasing him down the street yelling CHA CHI SOO in a Korean accent.  

   

Back to Bennie. So my Grandfather passed away and we had to take the dog in... well due to the circumstances my brother had grown super attached. So Ben became our third dog in our household. I don’t think my mom is very happy about that at all... BUT we are making it work the best we can!! 

 

I love having them and they make me happy! It’s been hard on Ben considering he was use to a different house and a different schedule. Honestly, I think his story is heartbreaking as his master left home one day and never returned. That breaks my heart every time I think of it and I try to block it out. He went from being an only dog to having to compete with two other dog brothers. Both he has tried to mate with inappropriately. Luckily as mean as Baby is, Baby was able to accept Ben to the house and fam. Chi Soo is much more laid back, but initially Ben wanted to mate badly with him and it took a while to get them together without Ben want to “sex him up.”  Finally Ben got over it, although the urge to have Chi Soo as his partner comes back from time to time. As it does with Baby as well. The funniest thing to me is that there is no rhyme or reason for the three. Like most people in my neighborhood with multiple dogs have two of the same breed. Here we are the dog version of the Rainbow tribe. Ben is attached to my brother and stays in the room with him. Actually, Ben hates being stuck in the room and relaxes with my mom in the evening. He goes upstairs when it is time for bed. Baby and Cha Chi Soo stay glued to me. 

30 Days of Me, Day 2: Meaning Behind the Name.

This Is NOT Sex In The City

It really isn’t.
Although I started this blog in 2010 the name relates to my memories from Howard University. My sophomore year my roommate and her friends loved the show Sex in the City. I was never a fan. (I am 95% sure I would appreciate it today). Something that I realized the show was doing was battling the traditional ideas of sex and the role of women. You could say they were showing sexual independence. All the while these women were always beautiful and dressed to kill. These were the original Boss Babes.

Unfortunately for me... I’m not or at least I wasn’t and Dover, DE is a far cry from a city. Even though my fashion sense is decent, I am still not Carrie. (I have been second guessing this full length sequin gown I bought for a ball).

So this blog was suppose to cover the ironies of dating and living in Dover. Looking back it really has been. Reading past passages I laugh as I rack my brain trying to think of the crushes or dates I was talking about.  2010 in North Carolina was sweet.... I feel like the blog over all has been true to its name, but I could have shared more in 2015-2017 about the long term long distance relationship I was in that ended not surprisingly over marriage or lack thereof that we both said we wanted from the start. Let’s call them the Baltimore Years. At least it wasn’t a bad relationship and I found out Baltimore is not as bad as it is made out to be. But I guess we both dodged a bullet.  That is another post for another day.

Who knows maybe after these 30 days of Me, I will discuss getting back into the dating game. 😂 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Maybe....

(At least I know how to look cool)

30 Days of Me Challenge Day 1: New Pic & 15 things

My school pic for the 2019-2020 school year. I look like an awesome high school senior. I wish all my school pictures look like the above picture. To go along with today’s challenge is to also add 15 interesting facts about me. Some of these things you will already know, some of these things you may have already concluded. Honestly, when I look over the list I have only listed the skim of myself. These are of the outer layer. Sometimes its hard to go deeper than that first layer of ourselves. Or maybe I just find these particular things to the most interesting about me. Maybe this challenge will dig a little further as I move along, but first here is the list: 

1.) Never wanted to be a teacher, but somehow here I am doing that ish... (I wanted to be famous.) 
2.) I was born and raised in Dover, DE. I am still here.  (please help me I can’t get out.)
3.) I am a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. (Skee-wee) 
4.) Everyone has accepted that I am the pink ranger. (Greek and geek) 
5.) Typically, everyone already knows I love Korean Drama and Korean Pop. 
6.) My Ultimate Kpop group is 2pm and my bias is Jun. K (EVERYONE knows this) 
7.) I have teacher friends, ranger friends, sorority sisters (friends) Kpop friends, Howard U Friends and High School Friends (that I actually talk to fairly regularly) 
8.) Recently it has become more apparent that I am a fan of Canada’s finest: Drake.  ( I just can’t get over the fact that “Wheelchair Jimmy” is a big time rapper now) 
9.) Starbucks is life! (Caramel Macchiato and White Chocolate Mocha hot or Frappuccinos) 
10.) Doing a professional development for work really made me feel good. (Doing something successfully that you didn’t know you could is a mood booster.) 
11.) I love to shop. I love clothes! I will shop wherever there are nice things for a good price. 
12.) I have three dogs. Baby, Bennie, Cha Chi Soo. After my grandfather passed away we accepted Bennie as our own. It’s been difficult meshing these guys together because they are all ankle biters: Weshi (look it up), Pom, and Yorkie. 
13.) Power Morphicon 2018 made me feel like I can be and do anything! Amazing experience. (Power Morphicon is a Power Ranger convention) 
14.) I love to cosplay. I have cosplay goals. (OMG I should do Joe Gibken again) 
15.) I have the best intentions in my heart. I just want to show the world I am awesome and to help people to know that you too can make it through (the rain as Mariah Carey sang) Does it get hard...yes...Do we fail...yes... can we get back up and try again...EVERYDAY!  

30 Days of Me Challenge

Looks like it has been a while, like a little over a year 🤦‍♀️... I have been all over in life... ups and downs, losing myself and finding myself over and over.
I was looking to find a writing challenge...it was not intended to be for my blog BUT... I decided to give it a try... as in commit to a challenge. It is indeed a challenge because look at how difficult it is to keep a blog 🤦‍♀️... its been a challenge. I guess I can give you a preview of this challenge. I found it on Pinterest, of course. I am going to have to set up a time and this is a must do. I feel like this year is about commitment and follow through. Let’s get started... in the next post. 😂

Stop the Madness... God's Answers

Lately I've been dealing with alot of feelings that can't/couldn't decipher, or like fix. Usually I am really good at hearing myself hear dumb stuff in my head and be like yeah right shut up satan. And maybe it's been the lack of self care... oddly enough I've been trying to keep up with self care and even at work we talked about self care every month and I thought I had it going on but by March I was jacked up caught in stress... not even fully work related. Crazy thing I always talk about kids not being able to process their feelings because their brains aren't fully developed. But just now I realize I haven't been able to process my feelings either. I feel everything all at once, I get mad at myself, I get self doubt, view myself as "not good enough," silly, and ugly. I swear I felt like I was in middle school again. And I don't even want to talk about the love life thing like... You start to feel like maybe you don't deserve love, or kids.... I try to look at my students as mine, but it's hard giving them away at the end of the year (sometimes 😂). I had this grand idea to prepare for single motherhood on my own terms and this is where I think God came to the rescue cause I I'm sorry as many mom's are out here doing the single motherhood thing like a boss I just don't really want to do that. Not that I can't cause I can, I know I can but I don't want to and I honestly don't think it's of God. It's funny ppl were ok with it when I said I might have to borrow someone's seed. They agreed like sometimes that what you gotta do... and the Danielle inside was like WHAT????
Now I hate like talking about my "issues" cause I feel like I sound like a whiny brat. Like  girl stop.... listen your kpop and get over it. But hell even my kpop was leading me to feelings I couldn't process....
Sometimes a message can be given and it's like you've kind of heard it before but this time it's received. Like the constant message given is God's grace, redemption and forgiveness. I think it was the fact that the speaker Dr. Gregory Cruell brought up Robin Williams and his suicide... it reminded me of how much satan really doesn't like me and really wishes I'd murk myself....(it's an evil devilish satanic demonic spirit that messes with us like that) I realized a few years ago I'm here for a reason... I looked over my life... when I was to be born my mom was sent home told she wasnt in labor... that only could have left me brain damaged or I could have been born with Cerebral palsy. Instead I ingested fecal matter (not funny) and since that's basically body poison I could have died.
Then honestly self hate is nothing knew to me... I'm not sure if I was a sensitive kid but I was the kid that took everything other ppl said about me to heart... I don't understand my complexion, I'm short but not petite, I have big feet that are odd looking, I grow a unibrow I have dark features on light skin, AND I have a pot belly, but im skinny...  I wish I looked like the girls in music videos, honestly I wish I was cool like the girls in high school. I also hate the brain wave in me that says: here's a thing now obsess about it.... (i have easily acquired over $2000 (if not more) in 2pm (please see kpop blog) and power ranger stuff.... should I say I don't hate it until someone looks at me with that "you're So pitiful" look and says: "you're obsessed"  wtf is wrong with me liking Kim Min Jun to the point that I wrote him a letter while he was in basic??? (Please see kpop blog) what's wrong with me loving Michael Jackson so much his death still hurts??? Do I go to work? Have I paid my bills? So when I buy myself another Kim Min Jun t-shirt who did it hurt? You? Do you know how many kpop fans /power ranger fans and or power rangers I could gather and have a party and call them my friends because we really are friends?? Ok ok... moving on... I've discussed this before there was that other time I almost died... abscess bursting inside of your gut really hurts btw, a doc telling you, you're gonna die takes a second to process. I'm still here tho... so the devil has been defeated so many times in trying to kill me. Today I was reminded that that is satan's plan.... now really the preachers message was about validation and affirmation.... in other words if someone in Robin Williams' camp had of gotten to him first and re-affirmed his awesomeness maybe he wouldn't have taken himself.... there were some other things I heard like remembering God's Plan.... I'm a planner, it's like school career marriage baby only my plans fell through lol. That's also been a major downer for me... my idea, my plan I had for myself... after a 2 year relationship I'm like ok whatever... but then I realized a year later I didn't know which way to go... that didn't work so do I go back to school??? Lol I was thinking I need to get back on the path.... but where's the path??? Yeah I need to find the path God has for me.... a friend recently said... "God doesn't make mistakes" (dont even know what were talking about but it stuck with me) which takes me back to another sermon where the preacher talked how we are always saying... "I'm not good enough or tall enough or skinny enough etc etc... bunch of stuff I don't like about myself, but "God doesn't makes mistakes" if I could keep these lessons in my head, but I've got to practice what is preached..... the great thing is I heard God loud and clear today... "stop all that over thinking and follow my word for answers, trust Me (God) for answers." (Cause I don't listen to others anyway I'm always trying to decipher life with my answers, but I've got all the answers to the old tests not the new ones 😂) AND it's obvious I'm here for a reason... I have a purpose, I have touched lives (I've been a big sister to so many) I will be a part of more....
Also I need to finish what the other preacher said... he said write a list of 20 things you like about yourself... I got to 8 things and some of the things on the list are things I don't always like 😂
1. I'm 5'1.5 (shortie)
2. Passionate for specific persons or things (That so called obsession)
3. In my mind I'm as much a star as Beyonce
4. Caring
5. I'm soft and squishy ( not toned)
6. Quirky
7. Geek
8. I need and wear glasses/contacts
9. Stylish/ style of my own
10. I can flirt/be polite in English, Spanish, and Korean
11. More outgoing than I like to admit
12. Children stare at me like I'm an alien, adults stare at me cause I'm exotic? (I haven't figured it out)
13. I'm a good teacher
14. I nurture (I'm sorry but I will be motherly/big sisterly to everyone)
15. I fall in love too easily (I will always love you, better yet I will always see the good in you, this is in all relationships)
16. I can sing (not always good, but only Kim Min Jun sings perfectly 😂 lies sometimes he is flat or pitchy)
17. I'm super imaginative (with structure tho)
18. I love sugar
19. I'm more rational than I'd like to be
20. I'm 34 years old... I feel 14 forever lol #youngforever
By the way... it's going to be super hard to stop making my own plans like I'm a very structured person so I hope God shows me this path clearly, because much like my students I'm not so good with change or transitions out of my control.....

I can...

God wants to use you.... 

As I was working towards becoming a teacher, I learned that we had to have something called an "I Can" statement. It basically states the objective of the lesson/what the students should be able to do by the end of the lesson or unit. Of course, I didn't see the big deal in this...just more work for the teacher or so it seemed. 

Then I was thinking, really I was studying the bible, well I decided to take advantage of one of my bible app's tools of devotional bible reading plans, to help give me insight about God, Me and Faith. One of my devotional plans is about "Identity."  Sometimes I feel lost in myself, I have so many likes/dislikes, wants, fears, feelings and I just wanted to get some insight to help me sort it all out, because I have an unfulfilled feel but I think I mentioned this in the last post, my pastor said, that being worried about fulfilling hopes, dreams, and aspirations is like sin because you aren't listening to God and you aren't being Faithful (I really hope I am saying this all in the right words)....ANYWAY let me get back to "I Can" statements. So in this daily plan, it's talking about Moses and how God told him he needed to go talk to Pharoh and lead the ppl. But Moses was like... I'm not good at Public Speaking, I stutter. God was a little miffed with Moses, cause he told Moses to do something and he was like "I can't." 

We are often told that we can't do something, and many times we internalize this "I can't" and because we begin to believe that we lose Faith in the abilities that we actually have and therefore we can't make it to our blessing. 

At the beginning of the lesson as a Teacher, I am saying: "I can read CVC (Consonant Vowel Consonant) words. And usually, I will say: "We can read CVC words. It's like an affirmation.  You are saying, I can do this thing before saying I can't do this thing. If you are saying you Can do it then the likelihood of you succeeding is greater. 

I think this is what God wants you to do if he calls you to do something, you need to be faithful and say "I can." Unlike Moses who didn't move in Faith at the request of God to speak to Pharoh.  

We should think of this when we are in fear if given a task, we have to know that if we were given an opportunity then we must believe that we can handle the task, otherwise, we could miss the blessing....


God wants you to know that he gave you everything you need to complete the task....

Exodus 4:10-17New International Version (NIV)

10 Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

11 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

13 But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

14 Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. 15 You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. 16 He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. 17 But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it.”

It Will Be Ok....

I swear the devil will really try to take you out starting with your mind....

So I walk into the church and I'm greeted by the "first lady" the pastor's wife and she is like "Hi, how old are you now?"
I'm used to this because I was never one of the church kids who lived at the church.  So I am like "33" and her response was: 

"Oh you're still young... it will be ok... it will be ok." 

And I was thinking... Um ok.... as I walked in to take my seat. I was cool but the comment kept running through my brain like, what did that mean? 

I am in the service... its praise and worship and my brain is like: What did she mean? And I started to define it... I am thinking, oh she must have been saying this because I am not married and living with my mom.  (Yeah I broke up with my Boyfriend back in February). 

I don't walk into church with a husband. I have been going with my mom for the past 18 years. So this is my assumption and its straight up pissing me off. Now understand I am able to recognize satan and how he works so I already know this is an attack. I am really trying to put all of this out of my head, but it just won't go away... because I was thinking about how ok I am without a having a boyfriend/husband right now. But the feeling that I have been having lately are feelings of not being fulfilled and not knowing how to fulfill these things I want to and feel that I need... so tears started to roll out of my eyes involuntarily and we are in worship, but these tears have nothing to do with worshiping.  So I am wiping tears left and right cause I don't really do public tears... even in church... another story for another day.... 

For whatever reason my mom steps out for a second... (I try to be good in church, I don't do social media in church unless the pastor tells us to take a selfie or something) so I text a friend real quick....  he is a Christian and older so I respect his thoughts on God, Christianity, and his Wisdom. I tell him what happened, but what is funny is right as I am texting this I am like wait.... maybe this is something else. 

I started thinking about this woman of God.  One thing I already knew is that this woman wouldn't be saying anything to me that would be mean hearted.  Something else I thought about was the gift(s) that God has placed over this woman's life.  

As I sent this message I am like: Wait who is to say that she didn't hear something from God to make her say that.  Who is to say that spirit of unfulfilledness was hanging over me even though I wasn't even thinking about it at the time. I had been thinking about last night. I was like maybe here words was just confirmation that IT WILL be OK. With that realization that whole spirit of anger lifted. If I hadn't of gotten that I wouldn't have heard anything the Pastor said and he really had something to say. He even said something that kind of went along with my feelings of being unfulfilled and how we stress ourselves about the things we want, and what we want to do, and what we need, and we concentrated on figuring out how to get this stuff when we really need to put God first instead. In which I already know I fail at putting God first. 

But if I had of allowed that satanic thought process continue going on and on in my brain... I wouldn't be sitting here typing this at all.  

What is even more awesome is I can stop worrying about everything that I think I need to do in order to be fulfilled, give it to God and let him sort it all out. Allow him to work out my life as he sees fit so he can put things in the right order... cause I can't run this... I don't know what I am doing LOL!!! 

Lesson 1: Don't let satan steal your joy... who will use your weakness, he knew my weakness cause I cried about last night instead of praying about it. 

Lesson 2: God has to come first. 

I need to research the bible and what the bible says about fulfillment. 

The funny thing is I have heard this over and over and over again, but it really clicked today.

So I am believing that IT WILL BE OK!  

Blackheads and Our Obsession with them....

It seems like everyday I see a picture of a black head remover or a video of someone removing a black head mask. In the video that show up close and personal the blackheads and the yucky grossness being pulled right out of the skin. Usually this is gross but satisfying. Lately I have found myself wondering how I can rid myself of these black heads...really how I can make my pours less noticeable.  I have been on this quest and even decided to use my proactiv regularly. So far acne is way down...I am still working on the dark spots left from previous popped pimples. I've had a skin problem since like 1997 like as soon as I was in middle school it started. And I really thought I would grow out of it but here I am 33 years old and its something I am still fighting. My lifestyle filled with stress, french fries, and late nights probably doesn't help much. My interests in Korean culture pushes me towards the bathroom sink. Probably not the best philosophy to follow since the underlying thought in Korean culture is that the more light/white your skin is the more beautiful you are... a friend of mind calls it whitewashing. Whatever...melanin is popping... I like mine even if I am considered high yellow and I love an Asian man with a tan... but pores are non-exsistent on my idols. I too want to make my pores disappear.  One thing I discussed with my kpop buddies is how of favorite guy seen in the video doesn't seem to have pours and we joke and ask: "Is he an alien?" As I look at my nose and surrounding areas of skin I see those holes filled with gook and I am like I need them to go away!!! But I thought about that tonight and asked myself: Why do we have black heads? Maybe we should keep them.  So I went to the internet of course... Starting with pores  they release oil this oil can build up and clog said pores and lead to zits, blackheads and white heads... the worst part is...

"...if you pick at your skin and squeeze your pimples you can unfortunately damage your pores and permanently widen them." 

I do/did that so I have messed up... but its seems like overall you don't need blackheads...I say let's do away with them and shrink our pores.... I recently started using a night cream that has retinol in it because I am getting old and even though I still get hit on by very young kiddos...I know my skin isn't what it use to be.... I think I am going to rip the black heads out of my face with one of those masks. This will my Spring Break experiment. 

Sad, Anxious, Impatient

There is an order...you must be patient...it's hard and that causes the anxiety and sadness. The path of your life is what God wants it to be...you can't mess it up by moving on feelings and ideas that comes from the explore page of Instagram.  In other words chill reclaim the relaxed spirit you once had....don't allow the spirt of sadness, impatience, and anxiousness, create an anger in you that puts a chip on your shoulder. As said yesterday faith defeats fear...don't lose faith in God's promises...just know He does it on his time and his time is perfect time....

Run in Faith Away from Fear

So I am driving from Middletown and everyone that knows me just said: "Say What,  when were you in Middletown and YOU DROVE!!!" 
Yes, I Drove... I will drive to anywhere in Delaware now, but I am not so keen on driving out of state... mostly driving out of state going north. I have been doing great with driving from Dover to Severna Park, MD on my way to Bmore with bae.  Anyone who knows me knows that this is a new thing for me. I have an interesting fear in the driving department. I think it has a lot to do feeling out of control and lack of confidence that probably stems from Driver's ED.  Regardless I know that sometimes I have to get in my car and go, but I don't really want this to be about my fear of driving. I want this to be about the messages that came to me while driving and that is... Faith will defeat Fear.

I was turning onto Route 1 to get home and that is what I started thinking about... Faith defeats Fear. We can have a fear of a lot of things. Many of Fear things because it comes from not knowing what is to come...so a fear of the unknown. First Day of school new teacher, you are shaking in your boots. Will they listen? Will they learn? Will they like me? ETC. The year goes by and you were successful, but a new year will follow and you will have the same questions about another class coming in only this time you may be less worried as you will have a better understanding of teaching methods, but there is still slight fear. 

I am 100% sure I am about to enter into a season of the unknown TO ME. God knows already I just don't know. I actually think many of us will enter into a season like this due to change to our country politically. 

I don't currently feel fearful of the future, but I got a feeling that feeling will sneak up on me when its go time and I will want to stay where I feel it is safe, but I have to remember that Faith will defeat Fear. 

So as I was driving and praying that the wheels didn't fall off (some fears are irrational) and one of my favorite scenes of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade came to my mind. It is when Indy's father is shot and the only way to save his father is for him find the Holy Grail. At one point he must take a leap of faith... I mean walk out on faith... Like it really looked like he was about to fall to his death, but he stepped out on faith and found the path to the other side.  Now as I mentioned I don't have any fears currently but that is not to say it won't try to catch up to me, I am just lucky that from about 2008 up to the present I have had little moments of taking a chance with faith that my fear has lessened greatly. Now my outlook is excited about the possibilities of the future and this is what I must tell myself if I feel myself staying with fear. (Fear is stagnated)

Watch the clip of Indiana Jones the Last Crusade and feel inspired: 

And also remember: 
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17: 20 NIV

The Hardest Christmas 2016 edition

The internet has been littered with memes of the cursed 2016. Its been like tragedy after tragedy, death after death...a horrible election/results. 2016 insists on continuing to cause destruction...we thought nothing more can happen after this election, but it has.... I could feel it coming.... I didn't know what it would be but I could feel it.

I usually try to stay positive and if I don't see a positive I stay quiet (unless it's about Trump or Kpop I can be very vocal). I like to have a positive message because if there are any ears listening or eyes watching then they will say... Dani said...Danielle said... Princess of DE said...that hope is not lost and we will make it. But as God would have it...

An unexpected death occurred and I can't really say unexcepted because you really don't know the time or place, but it was unexpected in a side swipe kind of way.

My Aunt became ill, took a turn for the worst and passed away on December 17, in this ill-fated year of 2016.  Dealing with death and the feelings that occur with it is a difficult process. It is like the phrase, "I don't know if I'm coming or going." Because I am me I have to be invincible. No breaking down, "God won't put you through what you can't handle." Happy laughing, Angry Yelling, Worried No sleep, Awake, exhausted. Crying...no tears...no tears...my face is wet...I said no tears. I could see it happening in my mom, her big sister died. She was grieving for real...but mine was inside. My mom took her time off...that was smart...I didn't that was dumb... but I carry a lot on my shoulders, my students me, my mom needs...and I can't break down...WHO AM I? I am Champion....

Thank GOD, my mind is flooded with good memories...mornings in the kitchen drinking coffee at age 6 (she gave all the kids their first taste of coffee), afternoon watching the stories (Soap Operas) drinking pepsi, walking the path to her house from grandma's house, she had Nintendo delivered I'd assume for my cousins, but she was so excited seemed like it was for herself, those Encyclopedias that I just enjoyed looking at (not the inside of them the outside...the numbers... yall know I am different books are pretty) her excitement about Luther Vandross, her excitement about my excitement about Michael Jackson, birthday calls ...growing up and still being "Strawberry Short Cake" who had "bad a$$" boots, that she was going to order for herself too and she did... and Christmas Days when my mom had to figure out which gift would be my aunt's Christmas gift and which would be her Birthday gift...which leads to my point...

The Hardest Christmas...Christmas Day is my Aunt's Birthday. This whole season has been hard on my family.... I have stayed quiet just because like I said I don't talk about my anger or sadness or worries because to harp on such is not for the greater good of any of us, but I have, to be honest with myself and say this has been a difficult time. I have held it together because I have responsibilities...time continues and my mom is mine...my strength is for her. This to shall pass... and as hard as it will be Christmas 2016 will be just like the Whoville Christmas in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." The devil can come in the night to try to steal our joy, but we will wake up with smiles on our faces singing the Mariah Carey version of "Joy To the World" totally undefeated pissing the devil all the way off.

My current image and hope for the spirit of my Aunt are to be hand in hand with my Grandma, my other Aunt while others we have lost are welcoming her to heaven. You think God is throwing a birthday celebration for Jesus the ultimate Christmas baby and all the other Christmas babies...

Please, people, all hope is not lost and we have almost made it to the end of 2016...God has given us grace and mercy, we may have lost a few but remember their suffering is no more... If God took them they have a greater purpose now...and our purpose is to live and praise God until it is our turn. PLEASE be a Whoville and if you feel like a Grinch has stolen your Christmas sing for joy anyway...don't give the devil the opportunity to think that you are down and out... God willing I will see you in the New Year!!!!

MARRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Where are The Walking Dead Riots taking place??? *Spoiler*

I never saw the first episode, at least not when it first aired. I remember hearing about this show. "The Walking Dead." "The Walking Dead." "The Walking Dead." All I knew was that it was about the Zombie Apocalypse, and even though my favorite movies are: "Night of the Living Dead('68 and '90)," "Return of the living Dead ('84), Shaun of the Dead ('04), Dawn of the Dead ('04), and Zombieland ('09), I hated the idea of a weekly zombie show. One thing you have to remember is zombies don't stop so I thought that the show would get very boring. In EVERY ONE of the zombie films mentioned, Zombies didn't stop...in Return of the Dead they burned the zombie bodies the disease went in the air, it rained on cemeteries and boom Zombies... How were they going to keep it up? I didn't know it was from a Comic Book.  I tried to stay away from the show, but I came home from work one evening and it was on...my mom and my little brother watching it like zombies, "talking about its a really good show." I just went upstairs like, "Nope." Come home from work again they are watching. I watched a little and just went to my room. Then all of a sudden I was coming home from work and would sit down and watch.  I think it was the Rick, Lori, Shane love triangle that got me. I opened my eyes realizing that this was not a Zombie apocalypse movie where the main goal was getting from point A to point B, all while fending off zombies. There were some serious story arcs. I have always enjoyed adventures that make me ask questions like, "what do girls do about periods? Do the characters get to take baths? Do they stink? If they have sex, then where? Randomness... questions that intrigue me with movies like "The Blue Lagoon," and the tv shows Lost and Gilligan's Island. 
We get deeper into the show and we meet Hershel, Maggie, and fam who were devout Christians who  had some false beliefs and ideas about the Zombies and God.  And then that 20 something angst kicked in and Glaggie was created. Glenn and Maggie. 

 I was stuck...hooked...in it to win it.... I was at the beginning of my Asian awakening and any interracial relationships worked for me. As time progressed and the gang went through it...I needed them. They were what I could relate to, kids my age, in love taking down walkers and getting busy in the look out tower at the prison. Its gives me goosebumps. LOL!!! This show gave us so many gut-wrenching,  up and downs, sometimes we were really up sometimes we were really down, and Glenn made it every time like a cat with nine lives. 
Now I can't forget about Abraham and his awesome quotes and how he left a latina for a natural black  girl... (Asians and Black women really win on this show even if we thought they killed all the black people in the beginning, well the black men...WAIT A MINUTE!!!!) I like him but I didn't connect with him.  I feel like I was about to and then this... Season 7... we all knew someone would be leaving. We sat a the edge of our seats and nervously waited to see.... and unlike others, I really didn't know what they would do... it's a show that you can't calculate UNLESS you read the Comic.  On a normal show, they would have killed Eugene and left it at that because you can't take your base. Saban learned about this when he tried to take Tommy's powers and took him off the show. Walking Dead fans often say "kill Daryl we riot." Well, kids sort of had a riot and parents complained hence "your new white ranger is Tommy" because you don't kill your base. The Walking Dead doesn't follow this rule or they did until know. Honestly, in previous deaths, I wasn't invested. I loved Hershel for being wise and it was sad for Maggie, but I wasn't phased, Noah's death I can never watch again, but I wasn't invested he wasn't a base character. We wanted Lori gone, T-Dog... meh....Merle (Good!!) Bob...meh, Tyreese he fought but meh.... I feel like we were ok with their deaths (even Beth's) because we knew that if it was going to be someone and usually there is a turning point for characters Abraham wasn't the base character, so I think fans could have taken that like...meh... he had just had a turning point with Sasha, but Glenn.... Glenn??? He is a base. Season 1-7. He is like when they switch out Kimberly for Katherine on Power Rangers.... that was when I walked away from Power Rangers (sort of not entirely). I love the Walking Dead, but I think I love Glenn more. I don't think he had that turning point, I feel like he leaves unfinished. Luckily, I am an adult and not a 10-year-old. So I won't be walking away from the show, but seeing a picture of what's to come including a new character with a tiger... like wtf? If this turns into Lost I might walk away and remember those times on the farm. I am not sure if I liked it when the team was on the farm, at the Jail or at Alexandria. Now wherever they go I will miss Glenn. I don't know what it is like to watch this show without him. Even when we thought he died by the Zombies at the trash can there was hope. We knew somehow he made it. But what is real crazy during all those moments that Glenn made it by the skin of his teeth, my eyes were watching the screen. Remember Valentine's Day during the 6th Season premier and the Zombies surrounded him and boom he was saved, I was literally crying, laughing and fainted all in a minute. This time...I turned my head...I didn't watch Abraham and I didn't watch Glenn's. I couldn't...I think it really would have been too much. Now I don't know how long they have to play Negan's silly little game...but I do know that..."it's about to go down." In the name of Glenn and the unborn (hopefully the baby will still be born and it better look a Lil Asian or I really will riot) Rick Grimes and family shall rise again!!!! 

  *Was Glenn the last of the Asians?? Like um, gotta be more than him out there." 

Never Forget...

As a senior in high school when the events of 9/11 occurred I watched in English in a strange awe of seeing airplanes crash into the towers, my immediate thoughts went into my dreams and aspirations of wanting to work there one day, it wasn't until that evening and watching it all night and seeing people jumping for their lives that I started to realize people were/had dying/died... each

year since that day my sensitivities of the events have grown more and more...and I know that, just like my grandmother's memory of Pearl Harbor, and the fear my mom describes of the Soviets  when she was little, and the sound of my dad's voice when he described events of MLK'S assassination and later the sounds of guns and bombs in the distance when he was in Kuwait, Uncle's who remember Vietnam...when I go to tell my children about this day, it will be a time when they will see their mother kind of squirm looking for the words to explain such a horrific situation to occur in her lifetime. I think what I want them to take away from everything is the unification that America made quickly after the attacks, and even though currently we are at odds within this country now, I really want them to see how at that time we all held hands, as one race....under the Star Spangled Banner we were one.....I hope we can get back to that without another catastrophic event occurring.... 
Never Forget....

Lost Luggage

Bad luck Dani... I have had two episodes of "lost" luggage. 

The first instance of "lost" luggage occurred, but luckily I got it delivered to the hotel that night at about 10pm... so my weekend was saved... but then there was Alaska Air... smh and the trip that could have been the worst if it weren't for my awesomeness and my true optimism... first let's go back to 2014 and Lexington Toy and Comic Con.... 

One the East Coast in March its still pretty much winter like Blizzards happen... so it wasn't odd that flights were delayed or late... this caused me to get to North Carolina just in time for my flight to Kentucky, with literally no time to spare. So I arrive in Kentucky to NO luggage... I am just like OF COURSE!!! But I didn't freak out I just talked to the people who said the luggage was on its way. I went to my hotel and prayed to  Jesus.  I was making plans to wear the con's tee... after fries and a drink at the bar as the night moved on I went to the front desk one last time just to see if maybe my bag was there and it was...I was thanking the Lord for sure!!! 

SO the first tip on Lost Luggage is: Stay Optimistic

This is just for your emotional state... no one likes to see any one be sad, crying, angry, outrage... just relax... it doesn't help to have you worry about it... you being sad, mad, or worried won't bring the bag back.... Just breath and smile..... 

SO fast forward to August 2016 Power Morphicon... 

I decide let's take a straight flight to LAX and I won't have to worry about the luggage... WRONG!!!!

I get to the airport slightly late... BUT the chick at the counter told them ONE more is on the way... I get to LAX and NOTHING!!!!! 

I was kind of mad but whatever I stayed calm and put in my claim.... 

That is tip number 2 after remaining calm go over to baggage claim and tell them what's up they will let you know that they will get your luggage to you as soon as they can or they will reimburse you for whatever you have to pay for cause of this lost bag.... I head on over to Pasadena.... With practically nothing....

I check in to the Hotel, Check-in to the con... meet and greet friends... check out the con floor and afterwards I call the airport who tells me "dfghjk';lkjhgfdsfghjkl;';lkjhgfdsfghjkl" which translates to a bunch of crap... by like 5 pm that evening I had a feeling I would not have my luggage so tip number 3 is:

 HAVE EMERGENCY MONEY!!! 

I didn't exactly plan emergency money but I wasn't hurting either... tip number 4: 

Use GPS to find a store.

I didn't have a car... with Uber you can do like anything, PLUS everything I needed for the convention was walking distance, but I didn't know Pasadena from a can of paint... first I looked up Ross, it was too far, so I tried Forever 21 which(randomly) was nearby. Now tip number 5 is: 

Try to be frugal. 

If you didn't plan on an emergency, you have to watch your budget. Forever 21 isn't expensive, but $20 and $20 is $40 and $40 was the cost of my uber ride back.... (didn't realize Pasadena is HELLA far from LA) and I hadn't even really begun to get all the autographs/photos with Rangers, and I needed to eat (even tho during con life I barely eat, but that is a different blog) so I needed to find the clearance  section.... I was able to get a cute shirt for $5 and a cute skirt for $5... awesome deal right!!! I also bought a comb and a pair of undies. Which is tip number 6: 

If you don't do anything else buy some underwear... (bras have a longer life expectancy than panties so what you do about that... I will leave that to your discretion.) 

My mom tells me to keep this kind of stuff in my carry on but I never do... Tip number 7: 

Listen to your mom, more than likely she is right. 

SO I head back to my hotel... and of course call the baggage. New story... from them that sounded more like I wouldn't be getting  my luggage... now I was mad... now previously I said stay calm and smile.... sometimes there comes a point where you get a little mad. I grabbed some food, went back to my room called the airport I got more garbage from them. I actually don't want to talk about them anymore at the end the day... the luggage wasn't going to make it... which really disgusted me and while I was all alone I cried like a 6 year old little girl. I called my mom LOL!! Remember tip number 7: Listen to your mom... yeah repeat that step. She made me feel a lot better (she made me feel like I could conquer the world in the little outfit I bought from Forever 21) and said you know you can hand wash your underwear and use a blowdryer to dry them.... 

This is tip number 8: Hand wash your draws... I guess you can do this if you are a guy too, but girls most def.... and I did have to use the hotel blowdryer the next day to dry them LOL!!! (They hadn't completely dried) 

Tip Number 9 is: 

Go to the front desk a the Hotel and ask for toiletries... these are usually complimentary items.... the hotel gave me a toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant. And all the hotels I have ever stayed in have shampoo, conditioner, soaps, etc in the rooms.  

 

Tip Number 10 is: Buy t'shirts at the con. 

If you are at a convention 9 times out 10 there are t'shirts, they might be free or you may have to pay... go for it.... I bought one tee from Johnny Yong Bosch and one from the people who run Lexington Toy and Comic Con...(they had a booth with an awesome Pink ranger tee) 

BY the way these are tips for a weekend situation, if I had of been there a whole week I may have had some problems for sure...of course some of these tips may help...also had I been there a week I would have been able to get my luggage. 

So I bought a t-shirt and even tho I said I was going to wear the jeans I had on the day before I found an upscale consignment shop around the corner, and got another pair of jeans... I also bought a back pack because at this point I needed a way to carry all my stuff.... 

When ever thing was said and done...I get back to the airport...and Tip number 11 is to make sure the airline reimburses you for the things you had to buy.... 

SO review: 

1.) Stay Optimistic

2.)Remain Calm 

3.)Have Emergency Money

4.) Use GPS

5.) Try to be Frugal

6.) Buy underwear 

7.) Listen to your Mom 

8.) Hand wash underwear

9.) Ask the hotel for toiletries 

10.) Buy Convention t-shirts

11.) Get reimbursed by the airport

AND extra... never check your luggage again...  DO NOT check you luggage always carry on.... smh.... 

I made it through this situation...you can get through it too!!!