One of Those Days...

You ever have one of those days... when you wish you could either start over from the night before or just stay in bed? I am feeling that at a level 1000. I really want to change my mindset and probably by the time my students are here and we start the day, that feeling might go away. Which will be in like 2 minutes, but it sucks to come in that way because that means I really didn’t want to. At any rate I should maybe talk about how to get out of such a funk. Hmmm. I don’t know actually cause I am wearing pink because on “Wednesday we wear pink” and its my favorite color. I tried to shake it off. I also tried not to go off about mini things and just do what I gotta do you know. But let’s be honest I don’t want to be at work today I would rather be in bed with my dogs sleeping or reading a fanfic, but that doesn’t work very well for a teacher on a Wednesday when she isn’t even sick. As my favorite singer in the WHOLE wide WORLD says: “You what it is, what it is, when we do what we do.”  Nope I don’t know what he is talking about either, but that tickled me, cause I had to say it out loud too. Ok ok I can do it. I do this day. I kind of know what is coming for me... 6 kids, several behaviors, 1 adult, well may be 6 adults. I can maintain. I will maintain. I really have no other choice.
So lets move in the affirmation below...

Bad Investments and Wrong People

I had several “you’re kidding me” moments involving ”friends”. I was discussing this with my friend Jazmin (please see my post about Jaz) and she said: “You are just investing time into the wrong people. They aren’t necessarily the people who are going to be able to make you feel your best.”

That statement really helped me out.

I took it as: “STOP INVESTING YOUR TIME INTO THE WRONG PEOPLE.”

AND I KNOW THIS!!!!!

It is important to have a good support system in place because everyone doesn’t always have the best intentions for you in your endeavors.

I learned many years ago that everyone isn’t a friend and even those who are nice to you, can’t always be trusted.

I often shield myself from such toxicity and insincerity.

I realize I need to do two things:
 -Develop thicker skin

 -Recognize when I should retreat

And by retreat I don’t mean run away from a battle, I mean knowing how to pick and choose a battle, as in when do I need to just do me and when do I need to explain myself. As I am an adult I really don’t need to explain myself and if I am ok with whatever actions I take or way that I feel or decision I make I don’t have to explain because I am happy with myself.

I am very happy with who I am and what I do and the only time I question that is when others question me about it, because there is a difference of opinion.

Let me add that aside from thicker skin I need to recognize what advice or opinion I should consider and what is just fluff that I shouldn’t receive. AGAIN... People don’t always have the best intentions when giving you advice.

I am 36 years old today. My path is my path, has it been the traditional path... not exactly ... am I still GREAT... YUP! Do I have a few hardships deal with and wild ideas about how to accomplish goals...YUP!!!

DON’T GET ME WRONG... I am hoping to meet and get to know other people in the future. I know that more positive energy and good hearts are on the way into my life because that is what I ask God for and also I ask to continue to have the discernment to recognize negative energy.

Am I excited about the rest of my life... YES!! I am excited. I do big things and I don’t give myself enough credit. So let’s review....

Things to do:
-Develop thicker skin
-Pick and Choose my battles wisely
-Pick and Choose the best advice/opinion (people don’t alway have the best intentions)
-Stay on my path
-Start appreciating myself for all the great things I do
AND
-Show love to the people who I KNOW got my back
AND!!!!!
-Praise God for all the talent and strength that he gave me to make it through this LIFE.

           

                         

30 Day Challenge: Day 22: Uniqua

UNIQUA

So I am supposed to discuss what makes me different from other people... I feel like I should have interviewed people and asked them. I don’t know how I am different but I know that I am. For a long time i thought  that different was also a negative. Different implied that I was weird or not normal like everyone else. Odd even. WHICH is the ULTIMATE insult because I love all things even. It took such a long time from me to fall in love the unique that I am. First I had to recognize that my mom didn’t actually think I was weird, but she had trouble understanding my different. We talk about it all, we talk about my obsessions or as I like to call them “passions”. She also gives me credit because my different has taken me far.  Like my comic con life. 

I also had to recognize that so many people that I thought we haters (and were actual haters) weren’t dissing me because I was actually “weird” but they were haters cause they want to have the same gall to do some of the things that I do. 

Finally, I had to learn that different doesn’t equal weird. I am me... I am me... Dani D. She can be the teacher, the koreaboo, cosplayer, singer, let the good times roll, never mind I’m gonna just stay home.  I think people just aren’t ready for how deep I can take certain topics. BUT I will NEVER forget what my friend said to me one night... 

I apologized to him for talking his ear off about Jun.K and his response was: “But that’s just you.” He almost seemed as if he was saying it just wouldn’t be me to be any other way and that he accepted me  for it. 

THATS a friend!!!  Shout out to NICO!!! 

So what makes me different? I love hard... MY passion is strong... If we are real friends I would give you my heart... if you pretend to be my friend I know you are pretending but I will still love you. My imagination is ridiculous, like Barney ridiculous without drugs or alcohol. Whatever I am involved in I put my heart into it... which is why I actually gave a damn about school, band and other extracurricular. I don’t like to be f***ed over which is why I haven’t “settled.” We could go 10 years without speaking but if/when I reach out its like time never passed. My love never changed. I care about people who wronged me and I care for people who have loved me. I ignore the terrible things in the world because it would send me to a depression because I once believe in Michael Jackson’s dream to heal the world. I try to always have well wishes for everyone. I work my ass off in whatever I do and don’t usually seek reward or expect recognition.  I often have to hold myself back from over helping. There are so many times I am thinking of something that relates to a problem a friend or co-worker might be dealing with and I have to stop myself from texting them at like 12 am. 

Is that the kind of different you expected? Do you believe it? Do you disagree? Have I been mean? Yes. I have a tendency to get pissed when I feel like I am repeating myself or giving the same advice to the same problem and eventually I will snap and tell you how I really feel no sugar coating. Now I am careful when speaking to others because some people need sugar coating. I LOVE Jun. K and I would tell him to his face that he is pitchy and that wasn’t the right note. I could say to him easily: “No I don’t like that hairstyle.” Or plainly stop acting like a little boy and stand up for yourself live your life Minjunnie!!!! 

BUT honestly I can’t take it. The same treatment in return. If someone gives me a back handed ass compliment or says they don’t like something about it me... it hurts I internalize it and try to fix it. I will withdraw and meditate on what I’ve done. I got a bad review as a teacher once... you might as well had killed me... but I bet YOU I have only had HIGHLY EFFECTIVE after that review even if the person wasn’t eh “qualified” to review me in such a way I can never be at the point again.  A friend read one of my stories and was super critical and it was like a wrecking ball to my ego. Like what do you mean. After pouting I re-read the story over and over, until I one realized it was my story and two I only had to take some of the criticism seriously and forget the rest. He was right about some technical stuff, but his thought would have changed the whole story. 

Its a struggle because for so many years I was made to feel like I needed to stop being me to appease the world, but do you know how hard it is to be half of yourself. Its like you aren’t even living. I am so glad that’s all over. I mean I tone it down for people who can’t handle me, but I don’t turn Dani off anymore.     

PS: I blame everything on being an AQUARIUS...every part of me is JUST like an AQUARIUS.