Insufficient Funds and No Overdraft Protect: When Flirting Goes Wrong

Sometimes I wonder am I a player or am I playing myself? Like am I cheating myself or as my uncle would say “Playing with my OWN a$$” or am really causing the grief I THINK I am causing to these fellas. Once,  I told someone I could make them fall in love with me and I can and I am not being cocky, but I can’t not share my secrets and it has nothing to do with sex and I am pretty sure this is a run on sentence. My point for all of that is that I wonder if really I am kidding myself and the mind F*** is not being cause by me but to me by the idiot on the other end.

This whole thought occurred as I flirted with one of my sweetie doo wops who, I think the word is, swoons for my affection that I simply cannot give because I don’t agree with affection giving all willie nille and by affections I mean sex (if you want to get technical).  Anyway…I say some magical words that get in his head and I don’t know why because any response he gives will be ignored and only thought as more pursuits for something that I can relinquish so why bother with the flirting….it’s sort of like another saying from my uncle “don’t write the check that you’re a$$ can’t cash.”

I guess sometimes my flirtations, as much as it can make me feel good, leaves me sort of depressed too.  You say a little something, they say a little something, you say something like, good seeing you today next thing you know there is a picture text of a penis on your phone…yikes…which is when you:

 “Get away!”

I guess the depressing part of this is the fact that you learn very soon that the flirtations will amount to nothing more that… flirtations…in some cases it’s not even the dude who is playing themselves it’s you…or in this case me…I already know I don’t have the cash to take care of the check and my bank account doesn’t have overdraft protection…therefore the answer to my wondering is…yes I am playing myself….

But I am what I am…

Suburan Elite...

Ooh it's the lights (It's the lights)
Action! (Action)
Hollywood (Hollywood)
Ooh it's the lights (Satisfaction)
Satisfaction! (So addictive)
(Hey) Hollywood (Hollywood)- Jay Z and Beyonce from "Hollywood"

This is not Sex in the City...

but sometimes...it is like Material Girls....

I have never watched Material Girls I am saving the dvd for complete epic boredom, but I do know the premise...rich girls who are heiresses and materialistic lose money. Today I realized I am a toned down version of that....I am not an heiress but when I am feeling good nothing can tell me I am not Paris Hilton or in my case...Angela and Vanessa Simmons. Put a little money in my hand let the sun shine give me a frozen almond or white chocolate mocha with whip cream ooo and don't forget the fake a$$ ugg boots and skinny jeans....that was me today with my shades on like I was on Sunset Blvd. opposed to Route 8....

I guess I am a product of my society as much as I don't want to accept it I am sort of sex in the city...minus sex and the city...my show would be called Suburban Glamour, where I play the part of Daniella the self proclaimed Princess of Delaware. In the character's/my mine I think I am a social elitist but really I am border line middle class and broke, but as any American Princess I shop til I drop and get my hair done...at the goodwill and when I can afford it, regardless of whether I am rich or poor I look good and know one can tell the difference until they see my pull up in my 1991, subaru legacy complete with a sun baked faded paint job and possiblities of rainy day leakage on the inside...to Daniella it is a red ferrari...or white lambo murcielago...blasting Beyonce who instigates my princessish ways....oh and don't catch Daniella on a dramatical day...because she might not even be Daniella she maybe Deena Jones, or what was Reese Witherspoon's character's name in Legally Blonde??? 

Ok but seriously doing what was described above really helps to get pass the stress of life at times...whatever the stress may be...the stress of the possiblity of a huge zit about to grow on your nose, men troubles or bills.... sometimes taking yourself out of reality briefly helps (usually until you get home). In the summer its the same thing...I walk around my neighborhood with my snobbish pup dolled up like it's not me walking with my pup but Beyonce and Jay...(dog...man...they are equivalent) and occassionally I have fans who exclaim "You look like you walked straight out a magazine," sure he is one of my neighbors yard..."Technician" but he did say it....

   Now there is probably someone out there who is thinking I am nuts...no...trust me...take a break from your life you will feel better. I always do...even if I am just stopping by the Goodwill, or buying plan tee shirts for five bucks...

(FYI the Good Will is the perfect place to find outfits that are very much fashionable...I currently cannot wait until summer so I can sport this awesome skirt that looks like it came from Sex in the City)

...I guess playing the role of Black American Princess all these years hasn't helped either....I am the first born girl, who protrayed the perfect debutante before and after I was actually a debutante and still protrays this, and I have a pup like the rest of Hollywood and I am a tad bit spoiled, but level headed about life, meaning if you give me money thanks, but I also know I have to work for it too...my dad's name is not Warbucks or Smith (as in Will)...my husband/boyfriend is not Jay, Carmelo, or DeSean Jackson actually he is non exsistent, but every now and then playing pretend adult style is a relief....

  

The Lone Wolf: An Interpretation...

Although I am trying to separate myself from my past blog I can’t forget some of my favorite topics. My dreams are a subject I love to talk about. Sometimes they are vivid enough, I remember them and some are just way out there, but overall I feel that a dream is a way to speak to yourself; answer your own questions. Dreams are your subconscious trying to tell your conscious something.

I’ll never forget the dream I had the day before I was supposed to go to Howard. In my dream, my teeth crumbled out of my mouth and in to my hand. Now according to www.dreammoods.com one idea about teeth dreams is that: “these falling teeth dreams may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxieties. Perhaps you feel that you are unprepared for the task at hand. However, you will find that your worries are unfounded in most cases. Sometimes what plays out in your mind is far worse than what is reality.”

It makes plenty of sense, a small town girl like myself headed to the nation’s capital, to a huge school, where the majority would be African Americans and up to that point I’d spent a lot of class time with Caucasians; I had reasons to be worried or have fear. What was I getting myself into…luckily most of the kids at Howard were just like me….

My most recent dream was interesting and sort of shocked me. Rarely do I dream about animals, but in this dream I was walking my pup down the street and out in the distance over on the golf course (there is a golf course that is not apart of my neighborhood but its viewable from my street) I saw three black wolves playing in the snow. Now the only reason I got nervous when I saw them was because I didn’t want my dog to see them and trip out, but aside from that I was not afraid. Like I said they were just playing like kids. The white of their eyes was so white and clear. 

Of course I went to my favorite dream site and found:

Wolf

To see a wolf in your dream, symbolizes survival, beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidence and pride. You are able to keep your composure in a variety of social circumstances and blend into any situation with ease and grace. You are also a loner by choice.

Negatively, the wolf represents hostility, aggression, or sneakiness. It may reflect an uncontrollable situation or an all-consuming force in your life. This could point to an obsession, an addiction or something that is beyond your control.

Knowing I don’t have an obsession (aside from Michael Jackson, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and Gorgeous men) I am sure I can look at the positive of this definition.  I mean really it makes more sense anyway. I especially love where it says that “You are a loner by choice.” That is totally correct. I tend to separate myself from people most of the time.

But let’s look at the fact that there were three wolves. According to: http://www.whats-your-sign.com/spiritual-meaning-of-numbers.html

Three: The spiritual meaning of number Three deals with magic, intuition, fecundity, and advantage. The number Three invokes expression, versatility, and pure joy of creativity. Three is also a time identifier as it represents Past, Present and Future. Consecutive Threes in your life may symbolize the need to express yourself creatively, or consider your present directional path in relation to past events and future goals. Three may also represent promising new adventures, and assurance of cooperation from others whom you may require help. Three typically symbolizes reward and success in most undertakings.

Once again, more positive points. I like that because sometimes dreams are not so positive and according to the bible three represents divine perfection. So I would like to do a reading on myself….

“I am a survivor of many ordeals that have had effects on me; having been sick and near death, and romantically break-up, make-ups, break-ups, and deaths of several loved ones in a year. Surviving these things has only helped me to understand my strengths and therefore adding to my self confidence and pushing me towards making decisions about goals that I am finally able to work on accomplishing. Now in reference to three, I am pretty sure that with the accomplishment of the goals set that I am literally finger tips away from meeting, there will be “promising new adventures” and clearly success. Because three represent divine perfection I am sure that means that at this time in my life everything is divinely lined up in order meaning finally the happiness and success as ME,  I have longed for will be ahead soon!”

I am glad that I had this dream…hopefully it means all of this awesome positive stuff and not that one night while I am walking my dog I am going to run into some wolves.

Also I have never watched any parts of the Twilight Saga, nor have I seen an American Werewolf in London, and I have barely seen Teenage Wolf. So those things can’t be reasons that wolves were on my mind. The only werewolf that I am very familiar with is the one from Thriller and the one that sleeps with me my pup that currently resembles a wolf.  

"Don't Let Evil Rita Put a Spell On Your Mind"

Yeah...Yeah...Yeah... I know I ought to be blogging a lot more especially coming from a blog in which I probably could publish a new post twice a day if not more. Of course that was when I was blogging on many random topics such as my many gripes of life to my favorite artist.

Sometimes I get in a funk and can’t make myself blog. I am a positive person or I like to send out positivity and when I am in a funk it is hard to stay positive, therefore I tend to ignore my blog duties. I just don’t like sending bad vibes into the world because there are already enough bad vibes.

Luckily I moved out of my “feelings” and on to my life and have been able to make some of my resolutions happen for real. And yet another unfortunate twist of events occurred as I put these resolutions into action and I got sick. The flu… it took over for a week.

While everything sat on hold again I took time to watch one of my favorite shows... the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.Hey we all have our “things”…my thing is MMPR. When I am bored and feel like I need a break, MMPR gives me that break. It’s something from my childhood that sends me back, and takes a load off my shoulders. 

So in the midst of my sickness and in the middle of my MMPR overload I had an epiphany if you will…in the beginning of this show the enemy was Rita Repulsa who wanted to bring the rangers down …right…well I thought to myself Rita never gave up. She would have Finster create a monster send it down to Earth and the rangers would have to figure out how to beat this monster. Rita would lose and try again... always. 

So I thought to myself evil never gives up…but neither does good. I have probably seen every episode during the course of MMPR and there were times I can remember clinging to the edge of my seat as a child watching as the rangers took one step to victory and made three giant steps back. 

The command center has been destroyed, they have lost Zordon, Alpha 5 has had viruses, their zords have been destroyed, they have been under evil spells, they have lost members of the team, they have lost their powers, parents have been kidnapped, Rita was kicked out and Lord Zedd, a more evil sinister ruler showed up, later, Rita and Zedd got married to be evil together, and in the end the Rangers through the power of goodness have always beat them. 







Now I am sure you are saying, "Well Dani that is the way the show was built, good vs. evil and good will always win"…sure but that doesn’t stop this completely fantastical adventure show from teaching faith. MMPR was not known for its great acting and lines for the characters, but something they would say all the time is: “Come guys, we can’t give up.” The Pink Ranger might say: “It looks like Rita got us this time.” And the Red Ranger the leader would say: “No way, there has got to be a way to get this monster.”

Proverbs 3:5: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

I think that sometimes I have got to start looking at life like the Power Rangers and when I am feeling some sort of way like my personal Rita is ruining my life and there is no way to win I might need to say “come on I can’t give up, I’m a power ranger” or something to that effect. How many times have we been in a similar situations as the power rangers…instead of our Zords being destroyed maybe its our bills are over due and we need gas for our car and instead of being stuck in the command center we are stuck in our beds and instead and watching Rita’s monster destroy everything on the viewing globe, we are "viewing" everyone else’s life move by on the Facebook "globe". That’s when you need to sit up and say: “Come on, I can’t give up.”

(Fan made "I Will Win" music video, music from Power Rangers)

James 1:3: because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 

Now I can take it one step further and show the similarities in the Zords to Jesus (as they were also resurrected) because the Zords were always there for the rangers when they needed them … *in preacher's voice* and when it seemed like they were destroyed or lost, they would always return good as new, (they had risen from their tomb) or when Lord Zedd arrived and appeared to be worst then Rita, the rangers didn’t think they could handle him, but were proven that they wouldn’t be given a challenge that they couldn’t handle...

...but I am not sure if people are quite ready for the ideas that boggle my mind.   

BUT.....

I Corinthians: 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it... (NIV)

Isaiah 54:17

 But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper...

and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This [peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord [those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced]; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me [this is that which I impart to them as their justification], says the Lord. (AMP)

You know what is interesting is that some ranger fans are atheists or just don't have such beliefs, but are still inspired through the show understanding that there is good and evil and that having perseverance pays off in the end....
The impact of the show is astounding and many of the fans have similar stories, the overall message:      It took me out of a dark place when...It made me feel better when... I am not going to apologize for seeing Gods work in that....

Happy Hour...Say What?

I have been off for like two weeks. Colleges don’t usually start the second semester until a week or so after New Year’s and therefore I don’t return to work until then (well this year was sort of screwed up) so I have had a lot of time to do what ever. One evening I was talking to my friend as we usually talk when he gets off and he asked: 

“So what you do today?”

I said: “Nothing, some laundry, but nothing really.” 

His response: “You didn’t do anything? You could have gone to a happy hour.” 

“Why would I do that? Why the **** would I be going to a happy hour?” I asked as I began to get upset because clearly I like this dude, and I would hope that he likes me and being that this is the case I would hope that he would want me to stay home and be chilling opposed to be going out. (I mean if you think as a sexist man wouldn’t that be your thoughts, if you were a man at work, wouldn’t you feel a way about your girl going out and if you felt differently then you must not actually like that person.) 

“I am just saying, fine if you want to be unhappy and miserable.” He said and the wheels came to a screeching halt. This comment was completely ridiculous to me. 

Do you know how many miserable and unhappy people are at happy hour? Most of them I would suspect, which is why they are at happy hour. This made me wonder about my so-called friend. I get really tired of explaining to people that I am perfectly happy with my life, in my bedroom, in my house, in Dover, Delaware; Alcohol free, and Tobacco free. But I can understand the concern.

My social life is at about zero and it only changes if someone else makes the suggestion to go to a place…for instance the same friend from the convo above took me to this club, and although I had been there before I would have never gone again had it not been for him. This same friend took me out another time with his friend and his friend’s girl…who linked me to her who then invited me to a Lia Sophia party…again I would not have been involved had it not been for my friend. So if a friend called me at 4:30pm and was like: “Dani, let’s go to blanketeeblank place for happy hour,” well depending on which friend  is asking, I would go. (Seriously it depends on the “friend” because I will turn someone down in a heartbeat.)

I do realize that this is no way to live, hence my resolution to do something without the dependence of someone else. That means go to whatever place, in my car with my money to do my thing, but overall I can’t see myself going to Happy Hour, I don’t understand this “hour.” What am I to do? I don’t really drink, meaning there are like two or three types of drinks I like, but just one of any drink makes me feel funny and therefore I probably shouldn’t drink, especially if I drive myself to a place. And if I  were to go by myself I can guarantee I will just sit there sipping a coke, and if some random jerkface says something to me I am going to ignore them. So then socialization goes all wrong and the whole alleged point to happy hour is lost.

Although I am not content in my situation which is why my resolutions are what they are, I am not completely unhappy nor miserable. I want to be social, but I don’t want to remove myself completely from my comfort zone, (which is partially why I started communicating with my “friend” to begin with, he is in my comfort zone) I am pretty sure things are going to be changing with time anyway, and I will handle my social life as I see fit.

Resolutions…

I was surprised to see how many people are excited to 2010 be apart of the past and 2011 be apart of the present - future. I don’t really agree with odd numbers and 2010 wasn’t like totally bad, (please see my 2007 to understand what bad is…), but I guess I should be excited for a new beginning also. Now, I don’t always make resolutions, because they tend to be hard to keep, but this year I think I have a few.

1.)    Something that I thought of recently was skincare and using Witch Hazel, which is like an astringent. It has a pretty awful smell, but it is really good for your skin. I was using it just about everyday and then I just stopped. Well recently it seems like my skin has decided to go on a rampage and what’s worse…I am a squeezer…I know, I know it’s wrong. Anyway I decided I will buy another bottle and begin a daily/nightly routine of using Witch Hazel for 365 days/nights and see if it makes a difference. I am pretty sure that it will because when I was using it my skin was doing pretty good.

2.)    Now I set my mind to it and I wrote a “book”. I proved to myself I could do it and now I need to prove to myself that I can carry out the next steps, which include editing and sending queries to publishers and I should do this before 2012.

3.)    Fix my prayer life. Prayer and loving Jesus shouldn’t coincide with the times that everything seem to be going wrong, so if I haven’t prayed in a month, because everything has been kosher, I don’t think it is right for me to pray when everything is not so great. (Although overall I should) It is sort of difficult to live according to God if you don’t pray, which Prayer is what he answers, so I will need to fix that ASAP.

4.)    Once my Prayer Life is back on track I will be praying on the steps I should be taking next as far as teaching goes and being that it could take a minute before I am certified I might want to apply for a para- position as I am working towards teaching, but I am still wondering if working in education is something I really want to do, therefore I need to pray about it.

5.)    Although my first step is to pray about it, I will take the Praxis I, which is a step towards becoming a teacher (or entering a teaching program)…I am going to sign up for April’s test date. PERIOD! I plan to pass it.

6.)    My friend went natural a while ago, and it’s cute, but please know that my resolution is not to go natural. Indeed not, I need a relaxer and there are no ifs and buts about it, but I do need to take better care of my hair. I sleep on my hair with out wrapping it, I don’t wash it like I should and the older I get the lazier I am about it; clearly the key to good hair care is washing at least every two weeks. This just happens to be easier in the summer because it’s not as cold. (Oh for non-African American readers, caring for African American hair is a tad different from others). I am always afraid I will get sick if I wash my hair frequently, not to mention how difficult it is for me to blow dry and flat iron, my thick fairly long hair. I prefer air dry, especially in the summer, but that style tends to be just as harsh as sleeping on it, so I’ll have to be like Nike and JUST DO IT.

7.)    With that being said I also plan on getting a haircut…not drastic like a bob, but hopefully enough that someone can tell it was cut…OH YEAH… I am so ready for a change like this J

8.)    Going back to trying to be a better person, I have decided to walk away from arguments. I have concluded that the more you talk in an argument the more you either look ignorant or say things that just make it worst. It is like I tell dudes…I’m not in to BS, so as an argument gets ready to travel to the BS level of furious-ness, I will just stop. Hopefully, I just won’t say anything and just let whoever it is win. I know that sounds push over-ish, but getting angry and raising your blood pressure is not worth it. I will pick and choose battles….DONE!

9.)    Lighten up (this is a toughie for me) I am a drama queen and extra sensitive (which is why number eight is in place). This is a fact that I try to hide, because people try to hurt others because THEY have chips on their shoulders or when they are jealous. This sort of goes with arguments except that instead of walking away, I’ll laugh it off.

10.)  To go along with number nine, I will lighten up and live life to the fullest. I think that this is a resolution that I make almost every year and it seems like I never really fully accomplish this feat. Every birthday I say to myself this will be the year that I will live a little and I never do…I never make my experience, I feel like I allow others to make it for me. I don’t want to give up my dreams, goals, and wishes, like love and family, yet I feel like those dreams stay on my shoulders. I feel like I put my life on a timer and I am watching it tic away as I just sit around and let it go by, and I don’t want to do that anymore. This is not “Sex in the City”, but damn if it is, Stranded in the Desert, or Death in Dover, or Kansas in black in white oppose to the Land of OZ in full techni-color, if you catch my drift. I am not Sarah Jessica Parker’s character or better yet that old cougar friend character, but I do want to live in color.

*Side Note: Ummm, I guess a quiet evening at home is not a good start to this Resolution...LOL*

I am just not going to lose MYSELF as I try to live like that…So I have got to find a happy medium. (I say this because many people act like in order to have fun you have to lose morals and principles or standards, and I refuse.)   

We are always trying to make a better self and New Year’s Day gives us a date that we should start, the first day of the year is the best time to proclaim that we will start something new during a new year. Now what I hope is that whatever the resolution (s) is/are can become a habit(s) of life.

2010…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…2011 <that’s silly huh>

Yeah I have been avoiding my blog.

Sometimes I get into these “funkedeefunks” and can’t write the words I feel. Plus, the beginning of December was rather depressing…as I tried to bring the Christmas Spirit to my home. As I said previously, I brought all the crap down from the attic and put it up hoping my mom would get all Jingle Belly, and in the end she did sort of, but it wasn’t what it could have been. It wasn’t what it had been. Maybe because we (my brother and I) are grown a$$ big kids, I don’t know, but overall everyone that I knew lack the holiday spirit. I mean there wasn’t even a Christmas Dinner at my church. (Odd to me.)

Then after I was asked what hours I could work in my library position I was given two days, January 3^rd and 4^th, so from December 13^th -January 2^nd I would be free, I also would be broke so I took all the substituting assignments I could before Christmas Vacation started for Schools. (Yes I do that too.) The assignments were with 5^th graders. OMG! You don’t realize how much the generations have changed until you are in the midst of 25, ten/eleven year-olds, who are disrespectful to the teachers and themselves. I mean sure we were ornery, but ask any teacher who had us (high school graduating class of 2002) and who is still working as a teacher or sub and they will tell you it is something very wrong with these kids today. Oddly enough I love them. I feel like maybe if I was a teacher I could make a difference in a child’s life and change them for the better or have them to have a better understanding of life. Or maybe they will just break me down and show me how they do it on the streets. Either way someone is learning something. Now the problem is that school is NOTHING like when we were in school (Class of 2002) Teachers had a greater freedom to teach and do it the way they want to, but with all the governmental ideas and laws a teacher’s freedom of teaching is limited. I don’t like that, but I have got to take a step towards growth. So I have been thinking of this for the pass few days since my last substituting assignment (which OMG the kids had me exhausted by the end of the day); the principal spoke to me about taking the Praxis and a teacher who had been around while I was going through my days in middle school who remembered me also talked to me about teaching. I decided I WILL take the PRAXIS I. Outside of that I will be praying. If you were to read my other blog I have said time and time again that I could teach or that I was thinking about teaching and then I’d back out of it. I have been so scared; about the students and handling them, being able to teach something, and having a responsibility for something of greater value than anything that I am currently responsible for, like myself and my pup. I don’t really have responsibilities and that makes me feel like less than a grown woman. That goes on the “pros” list for teaching. I feel so childish living in my bedroom that I have live in since I was in the 5^th grade; really since the 4^th grade. There is so much more I can say about it, but if you’re almost 30 and live with your mom then you already know. Now all I need to do is pray about it and listen for God’s answer.

Speaking of God I better make a few New Year’s resolutions. I have thought and thought, but I am just not sure what my resolution(s) should be. One probably should be getting the book that I wrote, edited and send out some queries to a few publishers before 2012. I have been told it is a great story, and being that I wrote it in hopes of it being published I should probably work towards that goal before it becomes another dusty bunch of papers under my bed. Outside of working on my “book” I should really have a few other resolutions. I have time to think of more before January 1^st.

Overall Christmas ended up being really great. We were very chilled out. Well, my mom and my brother chilled, I cooked. I cooked us breakfast and after that I cooked our Christmas dinner and I am so sure it was great. (Yes I am a GREAT cook.) Cooking has actually become a fun hobby for me. I told my mom I like to cook for people to make them happy and she said: “Well that is a good way to stay skinny, watch other people eat food.”

In the end everyone seemed pretty happy Christmas Day and that is all I really wanted for Christmas!

EX-mas Fail

Every year it seems like I have got to bring the Christmas cheer in the house. Once I go up into the attic and start bringing a bunch of the Christmas decorations down my mom finally gets in the mood for Happy Holidays. So I went up grabbed some boxes, (no tree yet, waiting for someone to move the furniture), and I find the box with all of our many different tree skirts. (My mom has a different theme every other year, as do I.) There is the one that is red with white tassel-like trimming, another red one with crème colored lace trimming, an all gold one, an old school cheap white one with glitter, and a plaid one (that is not actually a tree skirt but that’s what I used it for), but the best discovery of all the tree skirts were the stockings. Let’s see, there was my brother's, Mom’s, Dani’s and …. There was a stocking with my ex’s name on it and I was like WTF? First of all I forgot I made it last year, second why didn’t he take it, and third why did I make it to begin with?

It must have been a case of “2gether 4ever syndrome.”

 In  grade school when you had a crush or a boyfriend you’d spend all of one class period(in my case Math) to scribble that person’s name all over your notebook. It would look something like:  

In any case the notebook would be ruined, when you stopped liking them or the so-called relationship ended your notebook would look like:

This happens in adult relationships too, like when a woman thinks a man will stay 4ever when she has his baby. Often ladies fall victim to the “2gether, 4ever” syndrome.  Men don’t because they usually can’t imagine the idea of “2gether 4ever”; it’s fatal to them if they even try!

Maybe it wasn’t necessarily the “2gether 4ever” syndrome, maybe it was the simple fact that I enjoy Christmas, and I like to make people feel good regardless of their relationship to me. (Or maybe I am an idiot.)

The fail of the Ex-mas stocking goes further than just, “well we broke up”; in my household we make stockings with a name glued and glittered. Last year I found out you can shave glitter off of a stocking to put another name on it (don’t ask), but this time around I can’t shave it. I guess I can just give it to him for him to have this Christmas; it’s just too bad I can’t shave it.   

Unfortunately, (for the next “boyfriend”) I don’t think I’ll be doing that anymore. No stocking for you and if I do make one it will be those throw away kind; probably won’t have a name on it at all. I don’t even think a fiancé can get a Christmas stocking after this fail.

You may not think that this is not that serious and you’d be semi right, but you have to think about all the other things you may be doing outside of a stocking… is your favorite shower gel at his place (because you forgot it after the break up)? Is your favorite tee shirt, in his drawer that he designated for your belongs even though ya’ll stopped talking a year ago? Do you have one of his tee shirts in your room? Have you ever had a box of your things sent via mail from a disgruntled person?  If you answered yes to one or more of the previous statements, then you should take a second look at this blog. (I better read this one again.) 

Mothers...they know...

Exodus 20:12
 There is this one piece of advice that I have and it is probably not the most favorable and something that many people do not like to follow but,

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."

"Mother knows best!"

That doesn’t mean that she is right and it doesn’t mean that she is wrong, but in all seriousness 9 times out of 10 she is pretty much right on the money.

Let’s face it they know us better than we know ourselves… to a degree. I feel that mothers have a tendency to know us as children and teenagers and young adults; then are unable to see where we have grown up until we are faced with something and we actually avail through. (That tends to be one fault they have, and sometimes even when they see us get through it they still are mothers.)
Mothers just have something that makes them know. Girls we don’t listen well…






…Boys, ya’ll do. To a point that it can reek havoc on a relationship; when a mother dislikes a girlfriend and the son listens and really the mother is just afraid to lose her son. (It’s like that sometimes ladies.) There are FEW dudes who don’t listen to their moms and usually it’s not about women, its usually about stuff that has to do with trying to be a "man."

At any rate ladies don’t like to listen to their mothers and "I told you so," rings in our minds every time we were sure that mom was wrong about "a particular" situation and in the end she was completely right. Sometimes it is the very fact that mom was right that hurts us because we wanted to be right just once.

I have always listen to most of what my mom said because I felt like she would never lead me astray. She would never set me up for failure, but as I grew into a woman or at least got into the age of a woman, you know 20-23, I felt like I could make some wise decisions and although I didn’t you know get into a lot of trouble mom was still right about most of everything. There were some ideas about dealing with men that I should have put into use, that I didn’t.

Recently my mom has been saying some things, that someone else has also been saying, that I am like: "What the deuce?" Now I clearly CAN NOT say any of what either of these people have been saying, all I can say is it is completely beyond me that these people are saying  the same things around the same time. My mom must have a sense of something. Now I bet she can’t put her finger on it but she is feeling or sensing something. The funny thing about it is I think of this particular thing, but I am not trying to rush it so well see.
　
In the meantime, I will stay alert to what is happening and continue to listen to my mom’s advice ALTHOUGH I still have trouble following everything that she says cause like I said Mother’s don’t always realize how much you have grown up. I am a firm believer in the fact that if I listen to my mom as much as possible I won’t have too many troubles in my lifetime.
And I think that others should at least try to follow that advice because there are too many people that say: "I wish I had of listened to my mom, she was right."



Proverbs 1:8  Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction
   and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.

“You melted like butter…”

...I sure did. When I like someone I like them and that is just the way it is…and it is a long road to me not liking them.

I mean it is like a gradual reality;  I am a woman and I do have an intuition and sometimes it comes to me, but when it does sometimes I just don’t want to listen, because I’m a sucka for love, but not a fool. What I am saying is although I fall hard or think I have fallen hard, and I always usually have a special song to go along with that “love,” I don’t allow myself to be completely blind. I was lucky to have already gone through some things in life, not too bad, but bad enough that I learned and now I know to sleep with one eye open for lack of a better phrase.

A friend of mind told me in college:

“Don’t put all you eggs in one basket.”

And although I heard this over five years ago I didn’t get it until probably last year, or should I say I didn’t put it into play until about a year ago.

I just think it is so funny that when girls love, they feel their hearts surrounded by warmth, and fuzzy wuzzies, and when guys love they feel their penis surrounded by warmth, and fuzzy wuzzies. I know it’s the same ol’ conversation, but it is a reality in many cases.

For instance my mom and I were watching a "play" on DVD, there was an old couple that was like “nowadays girls don’t leave anything to the imagination and they don’t understand that when you act like a lady, men will treat you like one.” This statement is true and bogus at the same time.



It is very true that guys want to take a lady home to mother. I have heard this right from the horse’s mouth several times. Guys will treat a lady like a lady and treat the one who is not so much a lady like a…what she portrays, but in my experience with being a lady, some guys are still disrespectful, and looking at us like sex objects too, no matter how much you cover; as a matter of fact I think it entices a guy MORE when you are covered. Maybe it doesn’t help that I work in a library and that comes with its own cliché, but I know I am still a sex object. The difference is that I feel like I get more respect, not just because of my ladylike qualities, but also because of my age (since I work in a college where most guys are 17-23), and because most of them ask if I attend the school (where I work) and the answer is always “no I graduated from Howard in 2006” so then they think I am smart and also “uptight”. (ARGH, to the stereotypes of my life.)



But overall, guys have major mental disabilities. (I say mental disabilities because many times a guy leaves me utterly confused as I deal with them and I see as mental.) Mental disabilities because sometimes it is hard (no pun intended) for them to get their penises uninvolved in their train of thought in many situations. Some men, because they are men just think different in general.

I am not bashing, actually I think this is a reality that women have to face. Just like the instability of a female’s emotions is a reality that men have to face. Not that a woman should accept or settle for the mental disabilities of a man, (nor should a man accept or settle for some female issues) but when someone with little mental disabilities comes into your life you have to understand that there will be some issues; just like when he is sitting there with you after you curse him out for some miniscule thing he did that you don’t even understand your reasoning for being angry.

Or don’t be ignorant to his issues. If you see them (the issues) and chose (choose) to deal with it then that is what you better do because you are not going to make him change and it is not going to get better it is only going to get worst, in most cases, especially those where you are not married.

So the ending to the above statement was,

“…and I was hard as an axe.” 

A very unromantic statement that holds so many truths to our reality. 

We would like to inform you that…

you are denied, refused and rejected.

 

So I received like five rejection letters in my inbox today and I’m like: I must suck five times worst than everyone else. Seriously though, I am not even going to trip. Four of them were letters from this poetry contest I entered. That was already a one in a million type shot anyway. The other one was for a job, which they said they would call in a week to see about a second interview, well it’s been two weeks, so I already knew it was a no- no. 

Sometimes when I think about how many times I have interviewed at different places and have talked about the best answers to the normal questions, I get so frustrated with myself. The other night I was thinking may be I am like just regular, just average and had never been above average.

When I was in elementary school I was above average, when I was in middle school I was still above average, when I got to high school I was still an A and B student, math gave me some trouble and so did science, but I was still a good student, college not so much. When I was in college I worked HARD, but my grades were nothing like high school. Therefore I must be average or maybe even below average and when I interview it shows, but I know that this is impossible. I AM above average and the proof is the grade of B, I received in my Black Political Theory class. This particular class was the sort of class that people withdrew after the first paper was a fail. It was hard and the professor was hard and was looking for a specific answer that most students could not come up with on the top of their heads. You had to think differently.  I didn’t withdraw, (I couldn’t because it was part of my minor) I kept working hard and was dubbed a Philosopher, which philosophers can’t be below average. (Or so I think, lol)

   

(A couple of years after I graduated I actually helped a student at Howard with this same class after they came across my paper that I was published on this site that paid for college papers. They got a B too!)

I don’t know what exactly causes me to be rejected I just figure may be there is something out there that is better. I mean if you want to get technical the job I applied for is not what I interviewed for; I mean the guy actually said that the application is misleading. Now what does that say about things nowadays?

I have come to a point in my life where I can’t be too hard on myself about this kind of stuff. I mean sure it is disappointing but there are only more to come, especially with my new project in the works (Geeking at the thought of it, so psyched out) and with the fact that I am a writer who is always submitting my work, I know I will get rejection letters. One day I will get the accepted letter or the call that is someone saying “You got the job,” it’s just a matter of what opportunity is actually for me and what door God has opened for me, because that means it is open and only he can shut it. 

Revelation 3:8 (NIV) I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name

When I get that acceptance letter (whichever, whatever whoever might send one) I will act just I did when I got that one from Howard, the Real HU! *tears of joy*

Funny rejection letters: http://www.oddee.com/item_97151.aspx