Sometimes I get into these “funkedeefunks” and can’t write the words I feel. Plus, the beginning of December was rather depressing…as I tried to bring the Christmas Spirit to my home. As I said previously, I brought all the crap down from the attic and put it up hoping my mom would get all Jingle Belly, and in the end she did sort of, but it wasn’t what it could have been. It wasn’t what it had been. Maybe because we (my brother and I) are grown a$$ big kids, I don’t know, but overall everyone that I knew lack the holiday spirit. I mean there wasn’t even a Christmas Dinner at my church. (Odd to me.)
Then after I was asked what hours I could work in my library position I was given two days, January 3rd and 4th, so from December 13th -January 2nd I would be free, I also would be broke so I took all the substituting assignments I could before Christmas Vacation started for Schools. (Yes I do that too.) The assignments were with 5th graders. OMG! You don’t realize how much the generations have changed until you are in the midst of 25, ten/eleven year-olds, who are disrespectful to the teachers and themselves. I mean sure we were ornery, but ask any teacher who had us (high school graduating class of 2002) and who is still working as a teacher or sub and they will tell you it is something very wrong with these kids today. Oddly enough I love them. I feel like maybe if I was a teacher I could make a difference in a child’s life and change them for the better or have them to have a better understanding of life. Or maybe they will just break me down and show me how they do it on the streets. Either way someone is learning something. Now the problem is that school is NOTHING like when we were in school (Class of 2002) Teachers had a greater freedom to teach and do it the way they want to, but with all the governmental ideas and laws a teacher’s freedom of teaching is limited. I don’t like that, but I have got to take a step towards growth. So I have been thinking of this for the pass few days since my last substituting assignment (which OMG the kids had me exhausted by the end of the day); the principal spoke to me about taking the Praxis and a teacher who had been around while I was going through my days in middle school who remembered me also talked to me about teaching. I decided I WILL take the PRAXIS I. Outside of that I will be praying. If you were to read my other blog I have said time and time again that I could teach or that I was thinking about teaching and then I’d back out of it. I have been so scared; about the students and handling them, being able to teach something, and having a responsibility for something of greater value than anything that I am currently responsible for, like myself and my pup. I don’t really have responsibilities and that makes me feel like less than a grown woman. That goes on the “pros” list for teaching. I feel so childish living in my bedroom that I have live in since I was in the 5th grade; really since the 4th grade. There is so much more I can say about it, but if you’re almost 30 and live with your mom then you already know. Now all I need to do is pray about it and listen for God’s answer.
Speaking of God I better make a few New Year’s resolutions. I have thought and thought, but I am just not sure what my resolution(s) should be. One probably should be getting the book that I wrote, edited and send out some queries to a few publishers before 2012. I have been told it is a great story, and being that I wrote it in hopes of it being published I should probably work towards that goal before it becomes another dusty bunch of papers under my bed. Outside of working on my “book” I should really have a few other resolutions. I have time to think of more before January 1st.
Overall Christmas ended up being really great. We were very chilled out. Well, my mom and my brother chilled, I cooked. I cooked us breakfast and after that I cooked our Christmas dinner and I am so sure it was great. (Yes I am a GREAT cook.) Cooking has actually become a fun hobby for me. I told my mom I like to cook for people to make them happy and she said: “Well that is a good way to stay skinny, watch other people eat food.”
In the end everyone seemed pretty happy Christmas Day and that is all I really wanted for Christmas!
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