Missed chances...

My Korean Baby Daddy

This crossed my mind as I think about the moment I had at WilmU tonight. I'll just say it involved an Asian male in uniform and myself feeling like I was 12 all over again. I made eyes, he made eyes, returned to class and then my brother was finished with class and that was the end. Although in hindsight I know diddly squat about this dude and my infatuation stems from an attraction I have for Asians (since Kindergarten BTW) and overall he could have "noticed" me because I had worked myself up into a school girl frenzy straight out of a Korean Drama. "Oppa!"
  MY POINT IS, if there was more too it we will never know. Let's be hypothetical. What if he was someone I could have started something with now we never know and it reminds me of this other time that I didn't see what could have happened. "Bjong". Yeah I don't know if that his name at all, but that is what it sounded like he said, but he will forever be known as the Filipino from Durham, NC. That was also a situation where he probably was drunk and I was actually cognitive (enough to know that we were dancing in a circle) and overall meeting someone in a club is a no-no for me, but still we never know and now whenever I think about Durham or the Philippines I am like "Bjong" smh. 

I am like Yang Eun-bi (the woman) in so many ways

Ok so let's say that instead of acting like a 12 year old in the food quart of the mall, I actually acted as an adult and introduced myself or vice-versa and it led to something what could that have been? (I guess that is what I asking above) But what I am saying is what could come of it? Chances taken in the past have taught me that taking chances is ignorant and should never take place. Every chance, I don't care if it led to a 4 year relationship or a summer fling, obviously being that I am single now seems to me taking chances have led to "808s and Heartbreak." ( and the saga continues I just haven't commented about it :-/) 

What eases my mind about the "Bjong's" of the world is that I am a BIG believer of "if it is meant to be it will be" and therefore if one day I just so happen to run into the "Bjong" of Durham or the "Bjong" of Wilmington University, Dover Campus Building B then it was meant to be, but being "a little bit more seriouser" obviously nothing was meant to be.... as a matter of fact "Bjong" is not a part of my goal for this year anyway. I am not quite sure when I will be ready for that to be honest. THE CRAZY thing is I be buggin' so much about having a family, getting married, trying to get it done before I turn 40 because now yeah if that happens in the next 10 years I will be lucky. I don't want to become a "Jamona" which is Puerto Rican Slang for a women who never marries. (Yeah that is the one thing I took away from reading a memoir about a Puerto Rican writer, smh.) 

What I have learned in my 29 years(really about 11-12 years being from 18y/o- now) is that relationships are serious business especially if you are going to take them to that ultimate level and so many people either rush into such or think that because she got preggo that marriage has to occur and it jacks up a lot of people and creates a lot of problems. So overall I get sad when I think about failed relationships, more so about the time and actual care put into them, but I quickly get over it simply because I know that with every ounce of me that is ready to settle, be someone's wife and mother, there's a lot of me that's not ready. A lot of me understands some of the consequences of marriage or serious adult relationships that involve money, power and respect for lack of better terms. If I had of understood such ideas a few years ago then I would have saved myself a lot of heartache. And if I had of gotten married back, long ago, before Bey married J, before Kim Kardashian and Ray J called it quits than, I wouldn't be who I am/ about to be today and I like me now a HELLUVA lot better than the me from then.... And although I do love the person I am I still deal with confidence issues as far as being a good woman for a man, but I guess that is called baggage...smh.