It’s probably the bummed out feelings I have been having lately, but I had interesting dreams last night. It started with just me thinking about the tv show “A Different World”…oh DeWayne…he and Whitley had such a back and forth crazy relationship, in which, both of them had to grow up and think about how they felt and not just what they thought was the right thing.
Everything Whitley had been taught growing up was to be with and marry someone who had money and would always have money. DeWayne... rich…not so much. They gave up a lot to be with each other. That was that beautiful only on TV back in the day kind of love.
So as my mind went from careless thoughts of my favorite show to dreams of my favorite show somehow I was Whitley. I mean it was still Jasmine Guy’s face but I felt like I was watching me going through the back n forth’s with DeWayne. Seeing myself with other guys but always wanting him and seeing him wanting me…etc etc etc….but why or better yet WTF? What in my current state of somewhat broken heartedness has made my subconscious meet with my fantasy? Or was I dreaming about myself dreaming about myself being Whitley? I already know I do want to be like Whitley and a lot of times if facebook has that doppelganger week or whatever I use a picture of her not that I look like her but our ideas in life and love are the same at least Whitley’s are (not necessarily Jasmine Guy’s). I am not from the south, but I still hold on to a similar values. I was a debutante, a daddy’s girl, I like money, I like things, I love clothes/shoes, I am fashionable, everything has to be perfect, I suck at math, (which is why I need a DeWayne [he was a math major btw]) I thought I knew what I wanted to be and then I became a teacher instead, and I felt sexual harassed once (a professional spoke to me on a subject that I felt like wtf are you talking to me about this for and we were alone). We have all that in common except DeWayne, but I did love him as a child lol. OMG seriously back in the day as a kid watching “A different world” I was into DeWayne Wayne and those dumb a$$ flip glasses. Now I am not quite sure why and find his sidekick Ron Johnson more attractive, but that is beside the point. I hate my emotions playing with my head. Everytime I go through a little something- something my subconscious plays with me. But I guess so, I repress all my feelings. The blog from the other night is not a norm for me. The truth is I want to be seen as a positive person. I also know how important it is to look at the bright side, find the silver- lining and see the light at the end of the tunnel and I did see all the good stuff, which is why the last thing I said to a certain someone was I thought cheery, but we all take things differently…. Anyway, my point is that in being positive sometimes that means I could be ignoring the hurt or pushing the hurt aside, not allowing myself to feel the hurt so then I guess my subconscious is left to fight the hurt. I guess this is how it does that…. I remember I was dreaming that I was in this situation: 
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