-WAIT-
Sometimes I focus too much on one thing and miss something else. I stress over one minor point and forget to look at the Big Picture.
I am not quite sure why such things occur aside from an adversary keeping off my path leading me away from a promise from God.
Fortunately a friend said something to me:
"You need to get through your student teaching and get ready to move on. Find a job or even move out of Delaware. Start your own life, Danielle."Now at the time honestly all the words above looked like:
"akr kark hg edr twsimcs fgls wldofen aidneidn xsz awd vnfsj lk. aedw d ikl eq wdfv fdgh kjh lk wdtrqykp. edghk pomj wqa nvxm Danielle."
And I mean what he was saying wasn't even like difficult and its basically just what I have told him I need to do with my present future (if the present can be the future), but the reason I was so caught up and unable to see/comprehend what my friend said, what I said, the big picture, is because I had replaced it with fear, with little minor and or major details that keep me off of the path, example the 2013 school year, I don't need to worry about a future job (yet), I need to worry about getting the student teaching application done. I need to worry about whatever requirements with school that I need to fulfill prior to graduating to get the job.So my goal/plan was too get student teaching finished, graduate and try for a summer school spot with my current employer....somehow that got twisted...and I was all over the place. After my friend said what he said and some other things between us ;-) I was kind of like...poker face...no emotion, well I had emotion pouring down my face, because I was going into the whole "woe is me...I am the worst, why did I even start this career path, I can never, I won't (get out of my mom's house), I'm no good, No one will ever...etc etc etc and I refused to say any of that to him, because that is like beating a dead dog, like first of all I'm not, secondly I didn't need him to be all like no you are the best Blah Blah, because I learned from past mistakes and its dumb and he already said I was great and damn it I know I am great. (I wouldn't have gotten this far if I wasn't kind of good at being me), but when I take my eyes off the prize I lose it. Sort of like when Jesus, was walking on water, and one of the disciples, Peter stepped out and took a walk on the water too, but when he saw wind (trouble) he got scared(fear), lost sight of Jesus and fell in the water. He took his eyes off Jesus.
So how does that relate to my situation...well I know that the path that I am on is the right path because as I started on this journey, substituting, going back for my Master's, and applying for Para Positions, everything fell into place and things felt right for once. Life felt good, because I could see that it was the path that God had for me and that His promise to me would be fulfilled. (BTW His promise to me is the same promise to you, He just worded it differently when I heard it from Him, but if you need to know what that promise is then please see :Psalm 37:4-5) It is only now with it all coming to the rising climax of my narrative of life that fear my number one enemy is at my door again, just like in undergrad when it was time for graduation and I lost it (as in my marbles, I struggle with the so called being an adult in the real world) and just like Peter took his eyes off of Jesus, he fall in the water...and apparently couldn't swim and panicked forgetting Jesus was right there (panic is another lesson).
Even though my mind was still wrapped around student teaching, the fear of stuff even futher than that in the future was throwing me off and I was falling in the water and sinking (I can't swim)...luckily my friend said what he said. Crazy thing is I didn't get it until this morning. And when I say I didn't get it I mean like I didn't hear it the way I am telling it now until this morning. The way my friend said it and because I know the context under which we were talking, ( I also know what he said before and after) it is implied that you can't get to the next step without the first step. Really how he said it is in steps go look at it again, he just didn't use transitions like first, then, next.... And that is when it reminded me of the way God works, I can't get to the next step without completing the first step and if I don't get through any steps or if all goes wrong because I stopped following the path set before me by Him (God) then I can't get to the Glory that He has for me. And when I re-read it this morning I got it. My friend didn't say all that, but it was literally like the lightbulb came on, seriously like my room seem to get a little bit brighter and I felt relief. I felt like I was happy to be on my way to my future again. I am getting closer and closer and I can almost taste it at this point. What is it? Funny you should ask, because I don't know exactly I mean I know my wants but its not about what I want it is about the will of the Lord (another lesson for another time), He knows my wants but what is better is He knows my needs and will provide and what He provides because it is divine and rightfully from Him will surpass what I was wanting, and the bible says:
Philippians 4:19
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
and my favorite one says:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
But something that is even better to know comes from this scripture:
Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."
No fears....just keep walking on the water to Jesus....
PS: Sometimes He puts people in your life to remind you of Him (and they don't even know it)
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