Why did I do this again? Natural Hair...That I don't wear natural....

I'm not sure what happened,  but this summer something must have hit me upside the head.

The truth is I must have gone through some sort of depression as I knew my time as a teacher of some of the best kids was just about over and I didn't know what, if any opportunity would come up in the future. I mean that's the only thing I can think caused me to be the person I was and could still be as I'm not sure if I'm truly out of it.

Anyway in the midst of all this I let my hair go. What do I mean??? I stopped getting a relaxer. I just started doing my own hair. Its been about 6 months. Now I didn't do the big chop (which is dangerous as the relaxed hair on the ends is weak and will break) but my roots are completely "natural". When I first wash my hair and see my edges curl up I'm just like: why??? My hair texture is amazing.... amazing in the fact that I don't understand how it can be the way it is sometimes. My edges can be compared to the Jackson 5's Afro. I mean straight up motherland type, but underneath it all waves. Waves and waves. I wish I had one texture preferably the waves as they are easier to manage. 

The reason I have continued without using a relaxer is because my hair still comes out looking like: 

The only thing that has troubled me was recently I found that humidity apparently causes my hair to um "re-coil". This could be a problem this summer, well it is already a problem because for my job I swim in a heated pool, heat and water equal humidity and re-coiling. 

Will I go back? I don't know. Maybe...Maybe not.... depends on if I want to keep having to take the time to work on my head. The thickness is difficult but I get through it.  I don't think it is any healthier than what it was with chemicals. 

I do know that I prefer my hair straight. I didn't do this because I wanted to be natural and sport a fro or locked hair. I did this to prove to myself that I could. Plus my mom was going though with her hair and I told her to stop getting a relaxer so it would only be right to do the same. 

Natural hair is just going to take a lot of extra time and effort...OH and good products...that is another problem in itself..... 

New Year, Let Him Help You!!!

Well it is a NEW YEAR and you know what that means!!! New Goals!!! Before you get it twisted I am SOOOO not saying, "New Year, New Me." Not at all because there can't be a new me, I am me no matter what BUT I can try and be a better me. Plus I think it is super important to have some goals for a new year. 

First things first!!!! Being a better person. Seriously I think in 2013 I was sort of snarly. I think there was an icebox where my heart use to be and I am not even sure why I was like that. I may need to humble myself even though I don't believe I had become arrogant or anything but humility may help me in my future. Also taming the tongue and watching my tone. I feel like I tend to say things in a very nasty tone especially in my household and that doesn't help anyone. I feel like to my students I have all the patience in the world and at home if a pin drops I am irate. I need to just think positive and walk away from the petty. 

Secondly, humbling yourself and walking positively keeping your mouth from getting nasty all needs the help of Jesus. When I first began this blog I felt like I was in a fight with myself to become a teacher. I had reasonable goals that I set and met. I did all of that God, but this past year I am feeling like I walked less with God and more on my own, which on my own I can only get to destruction and that is pretty much where I was headed. The last five months of 2013 were NOT cool. I am really going to have to slow my roll and make sometime with Jesus. That way when I feel attacks from an adversary the blows won't be as hard as they were during 2013. 

Third...Speaking of God, I really, really, really, really really REALLY NEVER wanted to go here BUT... I really need to possibly become a wife. One thing that I really have never done is prayed for a husband, I think its dumb. I've always had the patience and when I met guys who were cool but clearly not the one I also knew to fall back, knowing that the guy wasn't for me. But I am about to be 30. I think one of the biggest reasons I was ok with not being married is because I didn't want to be that girl someone has to save because she hasn't gotten herself together. Then I realize I was being just like those guys who are like, "I like you, but I really need to get myself right." Know full well you can't get right. Now I am not saying I would like to get married in 2014, I am not even saying I want to be engaged in 2014, it would be nice to just meet that person. Maybe we've already met. Who knows? I have always let God handle this aspect with asking him of anything but this time I am asking. 

At the end of the Day God really runs everything so with that being said for the fourth thing I would really like to hear from Him about my career. I know what I want, but what does God want for me? Where should I be or where is God sending me? What should I do? Like I said I know what I want, but its really not about me. 

On the personal side, I would really like to write a publish worthy novel, I need to have more confidence in myself and my writing. I need to allow my imagination to run wild. 

SO really in 2014 I need do less talking and more listening to God. He made a promise to me and I will never forget that he said not to worry because everything would be alright and that I would be happy and I am counting on it. 

2014 I am so ready!