I Can't With #natural

7 months natural I look good

Fresh relaxer I look good

For about 7 months or so I was relaxer free. Now the last post I talked about how great it was going and it was...I was getting the results I wanted after washing my hair unfortunately the results didn't last and there were other factors I had to consider. 

 

1.) My Job- working with kids with disabilities requires me to get in an indoor heated pool. This is apart of their therapy. So even as a sub I swim every now and then with the kiddos. Even when I don't swim I still have to go in the pool room to help them change. When my hair gets in that room with all that hot humid air it coils up, and after straightening my hair with all that heat I don't want to have straighten it all over again.  

2.) The Summer- Even though we seem to be in a long winter, summer will emerge eventually and when it does, I will sweat and when I sweat my hair will coil up once again. Now nothing against afros or natural hair, its just that I wanted to do this and still wear my hair straightened. I like straightened hair. I also like wearing my hair crinkled or curly but as my hair started growing out I found that my edges had a different texture than what was in the middle. With that realization of the combination of sweat, heat and natural hair that summer will bring, I am sorry I can't. I am lazy. I am not going to want to do anything with hair that is thick and for me unmanageable. 

3.) Self Consciousness- Ok so since I was about 8 or 9 years old, I have gotten a relaxer. Its been so long since I have been in touch with my natural hair. Recently I really didn't know how to handle it. I missed the care free living I had with having a relaxer. 

Now many ladies who go natural are like you can do it, you can do it, just get some braids or get a full weave. One thing that I have loved about me is the fact that in my 30 years of life I have used weave about 5 times. Its not my thing. I can't pay $20-$220 for hair and then the labor of someone doing my hair in a hairstyle that I will want to get rid of in 2 weeks.  There are other scenarios I am not gonna mention I will just say that being "relaxed" is a positive in those situations.

Now please understand I am not hating on any person who chooses to have natural hair or weaves. As we use to say at Howard University, "Do you Boo." I encourage my mother to continue on her route on the natural road. Her hair and texture are nice. Her hair can handle natural. Her hair is so pretty as she gets it straightened or when she puts in the rods and comes out with curls. It works for her, but for me not so much. 

If my edges weren't such a hot mess I would embrace natural. I like the texture in the middle its wavy, it feels nice it looks night, my edges, they don't look nice, I don't look put together. 

ALSO!!!! PLEASE NO AND UNDERSTAND I AM IN NO WAY HATING ON MY AFROCENTRICITIES!!!! I am a black woman, I know it! But since Madame CJ Walker made chemicals to make my hair manageable and in a way that I prefer then Leggo!!!  

Just personal feeling. People who can handle the natural are beautiful keep it up your gorgeous, but I gotta do me! 

Why did I do this again? Natural Hair...That I don't wear natural....

I'm not sure what happened,  but this summer something must have hit me upside the head.

The truth is I must have gone through some sort of depression as I knew my time as a teacher of some of the best kids was just about over and I didn't know what, if any opportunity would come up in the future. I mean that's the only thing I can think caused me to be the person I was and could still be as I'm not sure if I'm truly out of it.

Anyway in the midst of all this I let my hair go. What do I mean??? I stopped getting a relaxer. I just started doing my own hair. Its been about 6 months. Now I didn't do the big chop (which is dangerous as the relaxed hair on the ends is weak and will break) but my roots are completely "natural". When I first wash my hair and see my edges curl up I'm just like: why??? My hair texture is amazing.... amazing in the fact that I don't understand how it can be the way it is sometimes. My edges can be compared to the Jackson 5's Afro. I mean straight up motherland type, but underneath it all waves. Waves and waves. I wish I had one texture preferably the waves as they are easier to manage. 

The reason I have continued without using a relaxer is because my hair still comes out looking like: 

The only thing that has troubled me was recently I found that humidity apparently causes my hair to um "re-coil". This could be a problem this summer, well it is already a problem because for my job I swim in a heated pool, heat and water equal humidity and re-coiling. 

Will I go back? I don't know. Maybe...Maybe not.... depends on if I want to keep having to take the time to work on my head. The thickness is difficult but I get through it.  I don't think it is any healthier than what it was with chemicals. 

I do know that I prefer my hair straight. I didn't do this because I wanted to be natural and sport a fro or locked hair. I did this to prove to myself that I could. Plus my mom was going though with her hair and I told her to stop getting a relaxer so it would only be right to do the same. 

Natural hair is just going to take a lot of extra time and effort...OH and good products...that is another problem in itself.....