Standing back up on the water...

Sometimes we focus too much on one thing that we miss something else.
-WAIT-
Sometimes I focus too much on one thing and miss something else. I stress over one minor point and forget to look at the Big Picture. 
 
I am not quite sure why such things occur aside from an adversary keeping off my path leading me away from a promise from God.
 
Fortunately a friend said something to me:

"You need to get through your student teaching and get ready to move on. Find a job or even move out of Delaware. Start your own life, Danielle."
 

Now at the time honestly all the words above looked like:

"akr kark hg edr twsimcs fgls wldofen aidneidn xsz awd vnfsj lk. aedw d ikl eq wdfv fdgh kjh lk wdtrqykp. edghk pomj wqa nvxm Danielle."
 

And I mean what he was saying wasn't even like difficult and its basically just what I have told him I need to do with my present future (if the present can be the future), but the reason I was so caught up and unable to see/comprehend what my friend said, what I said, the big picture, is because I had replaced it with fear, with little minor and or major details that keep me off of the path, example the 2013 school year, I don't need to worry about a future job (yet), I need to worry about getting the student teaching application done. I need to worry about whatever requirements with school that I need to fulfill prior to graduating to get the job.

 So my goal/plan was too get student teaching finished, graduate and try for a summer school spot with my current employer....somehow that got twisted...and I was all over the place. After my friend said what he said and some other things between us ;-) I was kind of like...poker face...no emotion, well I had emotion pouring down my face, because I was going into the whole "woe is me...I am the worst, why did I even start this career path, I can never, I won't (get out of my mom's house), I'm no good, No one will ever...etc etc etc and I refused to say any of that to him, because that is like beating a dead dog, like first of all I'm not, secondly I didn't need him to be all like no you are the best Blah Blah, because I learned from past mistakes and its dumb and he already said I was great and damn it I know I am great. (I wouldn't have gotten this far if I wasn't kind of good at being me), but when I take my eyes off the prize I lose it. Sort of like when Jesus, was walking on water, and one of the disciples, Peter stepped out and took a walk on the water too, but when he saw wind (trouble) he got scared(fear), lost sight of Jesus and fell in the water. He took his eyes off Jesus. 

So how does that relate to my situation...well I know that the path that I am on is the right path because as I started on this journey, substituting, going back for my Master's, and applying for Para Positions, everything fell into place and things felt right for once. Life felt good, because I could see that it was the path that God had for me and that His promise to me would be fulfilled.  (BTW His promise to me is the same promise to you, He just worded it differently when I heard it from Him, but if you need to know what that promise is then please see :Psalm 37:4-5)  It is only now with it all coming to the rising climax of my narrative of life that fear my number one enemy is at my door again, just like in undergrad when it was time for graduation and I lost it (as in my marbles, I struggle with the so called being an adult in the real world) and just like Peter took his eyes off of Jesus,  he fall in the water...and apparently couldn't swim and panicked forgetting Jesus was right there (panic is another lesson).
 
Even though my mind was still wrapped around student teaching, the fear of stuff even futher than that in the future was throwing me off and I was falling in the water and sinking (I can't swim)...luckily my friend said what he said. Crazy thing is I didn't get it until this morning. And when I say I didn't get it I mean like I didn't hear it the way I am telling it now until this morning. The way my friend said it and because I know the context under which we were talking, ( I also know what he said before and after) it is implied that you can't get to the next step without the first step. Really how he said it is in steps go look at it again, he just didn't use transitions like first, then, next.... And that is when it reminded me of the way God works, I can't get to the next step without completing the first step and if I don't get through any steps or if all goes wrong because I stopped following the path set before me by Him (God) then I can't get to the Glory that He has for me. And when I re-read it this morning I got it. My friend didn't say all that, but it was literally like the lightbulb came on, seriously like my room seem to get a little bit brighter and I felt relief. I felt like I was happy to be on my way to my future again. I am getting closer and closer and I can almost taste it at this point. What is it? Funny you should ask, because I don't know exactly I mean I know my wants but its not about what I want it is about the will of the Lord (another lesson for another time), He knows my wants but what is better is He knows my needs and will provide and what He provides because it is divine and rightfully from Him will surpass what I was wanting, and the bible says: 
 
Philippians 4:19
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
 
and my favorite one says:
 
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

But something that is even better to know comes from this scripture:

Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."


No fears....just keep walking on the water to Jesus....

PS: Sometimes He puts people in your life to remind you of Him (and they don't even know it)

Change vs. Mold: oh and make me a samich....

Maybe I am just as foolish as the other women of this world but I was thinking to myself something about men and thought of this topic...Change vs. Mold.

Change: "Maybe if I stay with him I will change him" or "He will change eventually."
No he won't. A man is who he is in the beginning and in the end. You can't change him. Or so I have been told. And he won't change eventually so I have witness with my own eyes. If you met him at a bar and he took you on dates at a bar and he goes with his boys to the bar, and when you two have moved in together or ya'll got married the bar will not end, just cause he is so called: "settled-down." If he is quiet one the first date, he'll be quiet when yall divorce due to communication differences. That's just the way it is and it seems like the more you try the more he will resist.

And that is when I thought of the word Mold and maybe this is a long shot and I am just as dumb as the rest of the females out there, but I was thinking a man can be molded into something more of what you want.

Of course when I was thinking of the word mold the example I was thinking about was the idea of being with someone who is not very fit. There are ways to push the idea of fitness without saying "Hey fatty, get of the couch and exercise" or worse, "Have you seen Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson lately, you could bounce a Quarter of his butt damn, oh but I love you fluffy bootie babe." Now if you stress health this could be seen as trying to change...what I would do is put on those sexy yoga pants and cami, and greet him like oh I was going to go for a walk you wanna come with? You in a sexy outfit not gonna work, next level, before he can say "I don't think so" you say "and maybe afterwards we can (whisper the freaky stuff in ear)" if that doesn't work then go for walk or jog comeback when reminded of that freaky stuff (it lingers) then say, "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" If you are fit maybe if he sees you are fit he will get the drift if not then forget about and mold has now become change.
The way he dresses...buy him a couple outfits you want to see him in, before he know it the gross tee shirts will be replaced with what you like. (if he notices though, forget about mold just became change and he will rebel)

Ok so overall my theory is a fail and I have been talking like an idiot for the past 10 minutes. I do think men in some ways can be molded, but the idea here is don't date/marry someone who doesn't add up. If you are a health nut and care about your body don't date Fatty Mcfatson. If he is a womanizer when you start dating him he will continue to be a womanizer.  If you want a man to look a certain way then date the one dress the way you like.  

You know what the issue is right?

The guy who in your mind is your ideal mate looks like:  

And the guy who you get looks like:

 



Or:

SMH....LOL....

But worst is they all treat you like:

 

Ok not all just most....

Confidence...It's the Lord....

A Sunday or two ago, as many of us prayed random prayers during worship, I was asking God to help me with to be confident to do what He says do. But I am not sure if this was the correct thing to say. I feel like I am missing an aspect somewhere; I feel like this prayer should be said differently.

The pastor talked about having faith in God. If you place your faith is something or someone other than God, things will not go accordingly. You really have to check yourself with this sort of thing, for example: Your doctor. Sure he went to school for forever and has all those letters behind his name in which gives him the credibility to tell you that cancer diagnoses or that you are healthy, but he is a man and he is not perfect, so when he leave a tool in you after surgery...my point is you can't have faith in the man but you can have faith in the Lord who will direct the man to help you in your situation according to His, the Lord's will.

So I feel like my Confidence prayer is a faith prayer, but I feel like I have faith in the Lord, but not in myself, but this creates fear which pulls me away from being able to do the things need to get to the next level....And if I have faith in Him then I shouldn't have any trouble's...

Truth is I just get scared about things just as every one....

I need to have faith in Him...period...because overall what I think I can't handle He gives me the strength to handle and He gets me through. This is a faith question and its not about me its about Him and knowing that where he takes me He will get me through. The confidence in myself is the Faith I have in Him....

The Blue Print....

I often speak of my Before 30 Goals, but it has been a while since I have talked about my life goals...so let me tell you my blue print...
Upon finishing this Masters in Spec. Ed. I would like to get a job as a summer school teacher with my beloved KCCS. This will be the a test to see if I can manage such a feat, and yes I am nervous of going to that next step. After that I may apply for a position for the school year or simply substitute for a year. If I were too get the summer school position that would mean for 2 years straight I have worked non-stop at two jobs and for school. Regardless of the fact that I have to teach for 4 years after recieving Teach Grants, I may also need to take time for me, substituting could allow me to take such time and make money. Or I will get a teaching position for the year and just keep going as the song "Working Day and Night" suggests.
 
If I decide to work for the year, than after that I may decide on the move to NC. Raliegh, Durham, Charlotte...not sure...I just might...if this is the case I may have to visit for a month get aquainted with the area...dunno how I would do such as only rich people are alloted such opportunities unless there is a teaching thing I could do. If I were to opted out of the fulltime job and go for subbing, well then I could spend the year in and out of the Carolinas.

That is MY blueprint for just the short-term I mean it is sort of a long-term but I mean I will be a certified teacher by May 2013, summer school follows, I don't have doubts about being a summer school teacher, I don't really have doubts about being landing a full-time job or being a sub...that time-line starts Janurary 2013-Student Teaching, May 2013-Graduate, June 2013-Summer Schoo, August 2013 Teaching or subbing, May 2014 possible move or not...thats like 2 years right? not very long at least not as fast as my life persist on....

But like I said that is MY blueprint...not God's so remembering he is the author writing my life story as it unfolds, it may not go as smoothely as I see it, but I know that all my needs will be meant, and what I am SUPPOSED to do as as opposed to what I want to do will happen as well...overall I am looking forward too...you never know. Two years is enough time to get married and have a baby and a half...smh.

Regardless I'm game!

PS: while I working on that....I will be working on the B4 30 list as well...i will achieve both/all! 

120 lbs and the size 3...

So I go to the doc for a physical, which of course means you get weighed. I expected to be 116 lbs, as I was ALL summer...she puts the thing on 100 then moves the little things to 20...BOOM!!! WTF??? OMG??? Seriously??? Ok now about  a year or two  I wanted 120, but that's because I was at 89lbs...(yeah thats a long story that DOESN'T involve anorexia or Bulimia). Don't get me wrong 120lbs is ok. Its heathly...sorta, I am 120lbs, and its all because I eat cakes....these to be exact:






and I drink this  everyday (without ice). I don't exercise although I have a gym membership. I feel awkward at the gym. I have gotten quite lazy walking the dog and he has gotten lazy too. So my point is that 120lbs is not healthy if you are eating crap. But I have no initiative to change and I really need to because I have a beer belly and no beer. I am 28 and don't want to grow any further, one my height, two health.
A size 3...in juniors for the most part, every now and then I have to either go up or down in sizes, which really pisses me off and sometimes its my body and sometimes its the company's idea of a size three, like skinny i was doing a size 3 until I bought my levi's skinnies...I had to go up because i need my knees to bend. Cheap brands im a 3 usually, when price goes up the size does too at times...and dress pants...the worst...I tried a 3 its too big, I try the 1 its too tight.... What I am is a solid size 2 (ok maybe not solid once again depending on the brand) but this takes me from juniors to misses, but in the average department store size 2 is like looking for a needle a haystack not to be cliche, but I work in a clothing store albeit juniors but I see that the smaller the size the less they have. On the racks they have like two size 2's. By the time I get to it or its on sale (I love a good clearance rack) there are no pants for me. (shirts are getting bad too because my arms are turning fat as is my stomach) I gotta dress like this by March or next August 2013: 
LOL...(but seriously there will be pics if I make it March or August happen)