I can...

God wants to use you.... 

As I was working towards becoming a teacher, I learned that we had to have something called an "I Can" statement. It basically states the objective of the lesson/what the students should be able to do by the end of the lesson or unit. Of course, I didn't see the big deal in this...just more work for the teacher or so it seemed. 

Then I was thinking, really I was studying the bible, well I decided to take advantage of one of my bible app's tools of devotional bible reading plans, to help give me insight about God, Me and Faith. One of my devotional plans is about "Identity."  Sometimes I feel lost in myself, I have so many likes/dislikes, wants, fears, feelings and I just wanted to get some insight to help me sort it all out, because I have an unfulfilled feel but I think I mentioned this in the last post, my pastor said, that being worried about fulfilling hopes, dreams, and aspirations is like sin because you aren't listening to God and you aren't being Faithful (I really hope I am saying this all in the right words)....ANYWAY let me get back to "I Can" statements. So in this daily plan, it's talking about Moses and how God told him he needed to go talk to Pharoh and lead the ppl. But Moses was like... I'm not good at Public Speaking, I stutter. God was a little miffed with Moses, cause he told Moses to do something and he was like "I can't." 

We are often told that we can't do something, and many times we internalize this "I can't" and because we begin to believe that we lose Faith in the abilities that we actually have and therefore we can't make it to our blessing. 

At the beginning of the lesson as a Teacher, I am saying: "I can read CVC (Consonant Vowel Consonant) words. And usually, I will say: "We can read CVC words. It's like an affirmation.  You are saying, I can do this thing before saying I can't do this thing. If you are saying you Can do it then the likelihood of you succeeding is greater. 

I think this is what God wants you to do if he calls you to do something, you need to be faithful and say "I can." Unlike Moses who didn't move in Faith at the request of God to speak to Pharoh.  

We should think of this when we are in fear if given a task, we have to know that if we were given an opportunity then we must believe that we can handle the task, otherwise, we could miss the blessing....


God wants you to know that he gave you everything you need to complete the task....

Exodus 4:10-17New International Version (NIV)

10 Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

11 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

13 But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

14 Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. 15 You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. 16 He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. 17 But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it.”

It Will Be Ok....

I swear the devil will really try to take you out starting with your mind....

So I walk into the church and I'm greeted by the "first lady" the pastor's wife and she is like "Hi, how old are you now?"
I'm used to this because I was never one of the church kids who lived at the church.  So I am like "33" and her response was: 

"Oh you're still young... it will be ok... it will be ok." 

And I was thinking... Um ok.... as I walked in to take my seat. I was cool but the comment kept running through my brain like, what did that mean? 

I am in the service... its praise and worship and my brain is like: What did she mean? And I started to define it... I am thinking, oh she must have been saying this because I am not married and living with my mom.  (Yeah I broke up with my Boyfriend back in February). 

I don't walk into church with a husband. I have been going with my mom for the past 18 years. So this is my assumption and its straight up pissing me off. Now understand I am able to recognize satan and how he works so I already know this is an attack. I am really trying to put all of this out of my head, but it just won't go away... because I was thinking about how ok I am without a having a boyfriend/husband right now. But the feeling that I have been having lately are feelings of not being fulfilled and not knowing how to fulfill these things I want to and feel that I need... so tears started to roll out of my eyes involuntarily and we are in worship, but these tears have nothing to do with worshiping.  So I am wiping tears left and right cause I don't really do public tears... even in church... another story for another day.... 

For whatever reason my mom steps out for a second... (I try to be good in church, I don't do social media in church unless the pastor tells us to take a selfie or something) so I text a friend real quick....  he is a Christian and older so I respect his thoughts on God, Christianity, and his Wisdom. I tell him what happened, but what is funny is right as I am texting this I am like wait.... maybe this is something else. 

I started thinking about this woman of God.  One thing I already knew is that this woman wouldn't be saying anything to me that would be mean hearted.  Something else I thought about was the gift(s) that God has placed over this woman's life.  

As I sent this message I am like: Wait who is to say that she didn't hear something from God to make her say that.  Who is to say that spirit of unfulfilledness was hanging over me even though I wasn't even thinking about it at the time. I had been thinking about last night. I was like maybe here words was just confirmation that IT WILL be OK. With that realization that whole spirit of anger lifted. If I hadn't of gotten that I wouldn't have heard anything the Pastor said and he really had something to say. He even said something that kind of went along with my feelings of being unfulfilled and how we stress ourselves about the things we want, and what we want to do, and what we need, and we concentrated on figuring out how to get this stuff when we really need to put God first instead. In which I already know I fail at putting God first. 

But if I had of allowed that satanic thought process continue going on and on in my brain... I wouldn't be sitting here typing this at all.  

What is even more awesome is I can stop worrying about everything that I think I need to do in order to be fulfilled, give it to God and let him sort it all out. Allow him to work out my life as he sees fit so he can put things in the right order... cause I can't run this... I don't know what I am doing LOL!!! 

Lesson 1: Don't let satan steal your joy... who will use your weakness, he knew my weakness cause I cried about last night instead of praying about it. 

Lesson 2: God has to come first. 

I need to research the bible and what the bible says about fulfillment. 

The funny thing is I have heard this over and over and over again, but it really clicked today.

So I am believing that IT WILL BE OK!  

Blackheads and Our Obsession with them....

It seems like everyday I see a picture of a black head remover or a video of someone removing a black head mask. In the video that show up close and personal the blackheads and the yucky grossness being pulled right out of the skin. Usually this is gross but satisfying. Lately I have found myself wondering how I can rid myself of these black heads...really how I can make my pours less noticeable.  I have been on this quest and even decided to use my proactiv regularly. So far acne is way down...I am still working on the dark spots left from previous popped pimples. I've had a skin problem since like 1997 like as soon as I was in middle school it started. And I really thought I would grow out of it but here I am 33 years old and its something I am still fighting. My lifestyle filled with stress, french fries, and late nights probably doesn't help much. My interests in Korean culture pushes me towards the bathroom sink. Probably not the best philosophy to follow since the underlying thought in Korean culture is that the more light/white your skin is the more beautiful you are... a friend of mind calls it whitewashing. Whatever...melanin is popping... I like mine even if I am considered high yellow and I love an Asian man with a tan... but pores are non-exsistent on my idols. I too want to make my pores disappear.  One thing I discussed with my kpop buddies is how of favorite guy seen in the video doesn't seem to have pours and we joke and ask: "Is he an alien?" As I look at my nose and surrounding areas of skin I see those holes filled with gook and I am like I need them to go away!!! But I thought about that tonight and asked myself: Why do we have black heads? Maybe we should keep them.  So I went to the internet of course... Starting with pores  they release oil this oil can build up and clog said pores and lead to zits, blackheads and white heads... the worst part is...

"...if you pick at your skin and squeeze your pimples you can unfortunately damage your pores and permanently widen them." 

I do/did that so I have messed up... but its seems like overall you don't need blackheads...I say let's do away with them and shrink our pores.... I recently started using a night cream that has retinol in it because I am getting old and even though I still get hit on by very young kiddos...I know my skin isn't what it use to be.... I think I am going to rip the black heads out of my face with one of those masks. This will my Spring Break experiment. 

Sad, Anxious, Impatient

There is an order...you must be patient...it's hard and that causes the anxiety and sadness. The path of your life is what God wants it to be...you can't mess it up by moving on feelings and ideas that comes from the explore page of Instagram.  In other words chill reclaim the relaxed spirit you once had....don't allow the spirt of sadness, impatience, and anxiousness, create an anger in you that puts a chip on your shoulder. As said yesterday faith defeats fear...don't lose faith in God's promises...just know He does it on his time and his time is perfect time....

Run in Faith Away from Fear

So I am driving from Middletown and everyone that knows me just said: "Say What,  when were you in Middletown and YOU DROVE!!!" 
Yes, I Drove... I will drive to anywhere in Delaware now, but I am not so keen on driving out of state... mostly driving out of state going north. I have been doing great with driving from Dover to Severna Park, MD on my way to Bmore with bae.  Anyone who knows me knows that this is a new thing for me. I have an interesting fear in the driving department. I think it has a lot to do feeling out of control and lack of confidence that probably stems from Driver's ED.  Regardless I know that sometimes I have to get in my car and go, but I don't really want this to be about my fear of driving. I want this to be about the messages that came to me while driving and that is... Faith will defeat Fear.

I was turning onto Route 1 to get home and that is what I started thinking about... Faith defeats Fear. We can have a fear of a lot of things. Many of Fear things because it comes from not knowing what is to come...so a fear of the unknown. First Day of school new teacher, you are shaking in your boots. Will they listen? Will they learn? Will they like me? ETC. The year goes by and you were successful, but a new year will follow and you will have the same questions about another class coming in only this time you may be less worried as you will have a better understanding of teaching methods, but there is still slight fear. 

I am 100% sure I am about to enter into a season of the unknown TO ME. God knows already I just don't know. I actually think many of us will enter into a season like this due to change to our country politically. 

I don't currently feel fearful of the future, but I got a feeling that feeling will sneak up on me when its go time and I will want to stay where I feel it is safe, but I have to remember that Faith will defeat Fear. 

So as I was driving and praying that the wheels didn't fall off (some fears are irrational) and one of my favorite scenes of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade came to my mind. It is when Indy's father is shot and the only way to save his father is for him find the Holy Grail. At one point he must take a leap of faith... I mean walk out on faith... Like it really looked like he was about to fall to his death, but he stepped out on faith and found the path to the other side.  Now as I mentioned I don't have any fears currently but that is not to say it won't try to catch up to me, I am just lucky that from about 2008 up to the present I have had little moments of taking a chance with faith that my fear has lessened greatly. Now my outlook is excited about the possibilities of the future and this is what I must tell myself if I feel myself staying with fear. (Fear is stagnated)

Watch the clip of Indiana Jones the Last Crusade and feel inspired: 

And also remember: 
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17: 20 NIV