First...yes in college my best friend's name was Danielle. Yes my name is Danielle. Yes we had lots of Double D/twins nicknames.
Now that we understand that I am not talking about being bestfriends with myself (which is a totally different blog in itself) I was just feeling despair. In my last blog I noted somethings that I wanted to do before I turned 30. The number one thing was to go to an anime convention or a power ranger convention. (Hey we all have interesting tidbits in our closets.) So I was looking into a couple on the east coast, one at Baltimore and one in Florida. I looked up prices and hotels and it seems like I either can't afford to go or really its a lack in courage. I don't have a travel partner; that is going on a trip no-no number 1. (Power Rangers should have taught me that, i.e putty attacks on lone ranger in the park more importantly real life should have taught me that i.e. Natalie Hollaway) I also don't have a clue about the Baltimore Surroundings or Olando Surroundings either. If I were to go to Florida it would be my first time on an airplane, which would also take care of another before I am 30 goal. But as I said before I started to look at prices and directions and hotels, and guests or lack thereof and transportation...etc and I fell into the pit of despair finding that not only has my courage to go fallen, but my positive optimism has also fallen. That's when I thought of a valuable lesson Danielle taught me.
I like to think of it as: Where there's a will there's a way, subtitled: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.
Freshmen year at HU, I expressed my fanaticism for Marques Houston, IMX, and B2K. Danielle has some fanaticism for Omarion, the following year led to her plan: Operation get us to the Baltimore Show. She planned it out all the way, First we would take the metro to the last stop on greenline of the Greenbelt direction which was, Greenbelt, then we would take the BWI bus to BWI, then we would take the MARC train to the Mariner Arena, see the concert, then walk a short distance to Baltimore Greyhound to be dropped off at DC greyhound in which we took a cab back to HU. Me being who I am thought well sounds good to me lets go...go we did, we made it there and back together. It left me feeling like traveling could be easy. Going to a place finding the transportation system and going wherever was possible.
I was proud of Danielle for that day, that experience, she made it happen. My personality doesn't always call for such attitude of "By any means necessary," if it did I certainly would not be sitting her in the bedroom I grew up in writing a blog about going to a convention because I would be the convention. Another secret in my closet is I have always had an interest in voice over work (and acting), but it is not a career highly promoted and being that the introvert of me is pratical, I never think of such. The person that I want to be gets lost in the person who is the introvert, by the way introvert's name is fear. Fear is always a handicap.... Dover, the close knit bubble of a city hasn't helped and my extroverted self displays herself in small pieces that I keep hidden in my the closed space of my bedroom. Even the very thing that I really do love and want to share with the world, what I am doing right now, my words, my writing, my stories, I hold close rarely sharing, only with those who I think I trust in the moment, have the privledge of reading my material. Fear is crippling, fear of failure, fear of mistakes, fear of people who will hurt, fear of actual success....Locked in my own personal jail...I have the key to get out but comfort and fear of the unknown keep me from walking out....
If only I could go back to Fall 2003, and get a little bit of the spirit that led Danielle to finding a way to get us to the show...maybe I would get futher than an Anime Convention, further than the Morphincon, further than flying on an airplane for the first time...maybe I could get to published author, acclaimed voice over actress, and be a teacher (lots of nerves as I near completion of Master's program)
When will I start living? Or should I accept myself as I have been? We all can't be the beyonce's or in my case the Jason David Frank's (ranger) or the Johnny Yong Bosch's (ranger/voice over), we all can't be the J.K Rowling's (harry potter fame) or Hellen Keller's Teacher's (special education teacher he taught hellen keller who was blind deaf and mute how to communicate) of the world. Some of us have to be peasants who watch in awe of those who do by any mean's necessary...right?
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