We would like to inform you that…

you are denied, refused and rejected.

 

So I received like five rejection letters in my inbox today and I’m like: I must suck five times worst than everyone else. Seriously though, I am not even going to trip. Four of them were letters from this poetry contest I entered. That was already a one in a million type shot anyway. The other one was for a job, which they said they would call in a week to see about a second interview, well it’s been two weeks, so I already knew it was a no- no. 

Sometimes when I think about how many times I have interviewed at different places and have talked about the best answers to the normal questions, I get so frustrated with myself. The other night I was thinking may be I am like just regular, just average and had never been above average.

When I was in elementary school I was above average, when I was in middle school I was still above average, when I got to high school I was still an A and B student, math gave me some trouble and so did science, but I was still a good student, college not so much. When I was in college I worked HARD, but my grades were nothing like high school. Therefore I must be average or maybe even below average and when I interview it shows, but I know that this is impossible. I AM above average and the proof is the grade of B, I received in my Black Political Theory class. This particular class was the sort of class that people withdrew after the first paper was a fail. It was hard and the professor was hard and was looking for a specific answer that most students could not come up with on the top of their heads. You had to think differently.  I didn’t withdraw, (I couldn’t because it was part of my minor) I kept working hard and was dubbed a Philosopher, which philosophers can’t be below average. (Or so I think, lol)

   

(A couple of years after I graduated I actually helped a student at Howard with this same class after they came across my paper that I was published on this site that paid for college papers. They got a B too!)

I don’t know what exactly causes me to be rejected I just figure may be there is something out there that is better. I mean if you want to get technical the job I applied for is not what I interviewed for; I mean the guy actually said that the application is misleading. Now what does that say about things nowadays?

I have come to a point in my life where I can’t be too hard on myself about this kind of stuff. I mean sure it is disappointing but there are only more to come, especially with my new project in the works (Geeking at the thought of it, so psyched out) and with the fact that I am a writer who is always submitting my work, I know I will get rejection letters. One day I will get the accepted letter or the call that is someone saying “You got the job,” it’s just a matter of what opportunity is actually for me and what door God has opened for me, because that means it is open and only he can shut it. 

Revelation 3:8 (NIV) I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name

When I get that acceptance letter (whichever, whatever whoever might send one) I will act just I did when I got that one from Howard, the Real HU! *tears of joy*

Funny rejection letters: http://www.oddee.com/item_97151.aspx

The Other Side of the Street

As I watch divorce after divorce, between folks I know personally and the celebrities I see on TV, my belief in the concept of love is faltering like a leaf slowly turning yellow, then brown until falling from a tree in Fall. I have been holding on to a pinch of belief, thinking that just because so and so divorces doesn’t mean I am destined for the same fate. And if they aren’t divorcing they are unhappy, staying together for the children, financial reasons (it’s cheaper to keep her) or to save face as in acting like everything is honky dory in front of friends. Either way, “Love Don’t Live Here Anymore.”

I am ready to let love go because love already has one foot out the door. Not to mention past discrepancies that have left me somewhat damaged to the point that I already have doubts about their loyalties to me and it's not like I am thinking: “Oh he’ll cheat” or “I don’t trust him,” more like Saturday night he was in love and thought I was the sun, moon, and all of the rivers that flow through the valleys and Monday night it’s over. That is what is happening, people (especially celebs, but it happens in ordinary lives too) may date, then decide to get married, and 6months to a year later they divorce for irreconcilable differences. Sometimes it is so quick the marriage is annulled. It’s over Kapeesh Kaput. Ashes to ashes dust to dust…DEUCES.

So it appears that love is an EPIC FAIL. A lot of times as I walk my Mr. Cheezburger (the pup) I think about these things and I say to myself Love is over, there is no love, love is nothing and I should get over it, but it hurts me more to dismiss love, because God is love, and it is pretty hard to discontinue your belief in love, but continue your faith in God.

God is love, he made me; I am a hopeless romantic for a reason; what…He knows. Maybe it is the romantic trait in me that helps to keep Him in my heart, because without Him my heart would be hard as stone all over and all the way through, because trust me I try to forget about love, during those walks, I tell myself time and time again,

"forget about that love thing, block it out of your mind and forget about it, get use to a life with just your puppy and just deal,"

but by the time I get to the other side of the street, tears have built up in my eyes knowing that it is impossible for me to forget because I usually think of God immediately after those thoughts, especially since He surrounds me and reminds of His love. So…

…in the meantime, I’ll use my romantic spirit and the pain from so many disappointments of love to help me get through my writing project(s) to grow in the field of creative writing, leading to more published work and hopefully keep my heart open to the prospects of love.

Allow me to reintroduce myself…

…because I am not new to the whole blogging thing. I wanted to depart from Myspace and try to work on a blog a bit more professionally. (My idea of professional, which actually means I have to step my writing game up.)

In the past my blog was quite random. If I was dealing with a love crisis I would blog about that, if I was trying to be motivational I would blog and include scriptures, or if one of my favorite artists dropped a new album I would basically write a review. Somehow I will mesh all of that and become a little bit less random at the same time.

What I really want to bring to this blog is a look at a woman (ME) in her mid-twenties getting closer to thirty everyday, who is seeking full-time employment, would like to be happily married at some point or at living on her own, and to be a mother before entering her mid-thirties, while seeking Christ and to make all other dreams come true, before she dies; as she watches everyone else do all of the above twice.

“This Is NOT Sex In The City”, I don’t live lavishly, yet I am a Princess (the Princess of Delaware in fact), I am still at home, but I don’t have much choice, I have a degree in Journalism, but I am a Creative Writer, I have been trying to get a better job for about four years now, but I’m not complaining about my current position as a Library Assistant at a local college. I have been in serious relationships but I think I was the only one who was serious and sometimes I question just how serious. What sucks is as time progresses it seems like guys get worst in the fact that they are all losing their traditional values/beliefs, or are wanting to get married at an older age (even though you can turn 65 and still be immature or unable to commit), which causes a problem for someone like me who has very strong traditional values/beliefs. I’d like to be married and then have a child, but the older I get the more concern I have for my health and the baby’s. (FYI: raising a puppy is similar to raising a baby, they have similar needs, one just has four legs, LOL.) I get to thinking, Geesh I should just have one by myself (taking applications for sperm donors…j/k). My biological clock is ticking harder than a grandfather clock. It’s like I am racing with several clocks and I get close to the finish line and then some how it moves further away from me.

That is where God comes in, because as I try to live with all of the disappointments in life, Jesus keeps me upright and not fallen into a web of sorrow. If I have yet to die, if I have had such a struggle, yet I keep on going God has something he wants me to do and that is why I add scripture, because maybe my problems, revelations and solutions will help someone else and I can please God too. I can come off preachery, but the message is usually something I need to hear to fill my heart back up.

All in all I hope that in the end I find a way to just be totally content in what ever life has for me. If I get all the things I want great, if I don’t well….