So I was thinking about it and I feel like I am just like the character Chuck in Good Luck Chuck, I mean not that I am sleeping with bachelors wanting to be married all willy nilly, but I have noticed that some of the guys I have talked to are now in relationships, and maybe its not an instant gratification as they portray in the movie, but still seems the same, AND there is no telling who the guys may have talked to after me prior to getting a girlfriend, but like I said it still seems the same. But I have seen it happen with just about every guy I have talked to like you know in the developing stages of a relationship then for whatever reason, deployment, college/football, lives 50+ miles away; nothing significant happens, than so many months down the line people are moving in with each other, having babies, taking trips...etc; with the one who wasn't me. What's crazy is I am a very optimistic person so when all these troubling situations occur I am like it can still work, oh you can be in London while I am in the States and it can work or yeah you can work from 3pm-12am and I can work 8am- 3:30 pm and it can work, yeah you can be in Kuwait and it can work, or yeah you can live in random state not close to Delaware and it can work or the best one of all, sure you can be just turning 21still in undergrad when I am already 25 looking at you like "been there done that," it can work out. I must be illogical not optimistic, plain old dumb not optimistic. Which is why I haven't talked to anyone for over 2 years, until recently. And it is one of the above situations, and yeah I feel like I am right back at the drawing board, only I am the one saying "It's not you it's me," this time because it is me feeling like I am going down the same road and why? how? Maybe through no fault of my own but through some sort of sub-conscious thing I go after guys/accept guys in my life, who are unavailable, not because they are seeing someone, but because they are involved with life. Hmmm....I do feel that I tend to lose myself in relationships and being in a relationship that's closer than a text or phone call makes me nervous due to a previous "one on one, most of the day, everyday relationship". And if you break down the word relationship, real as in not fake, or an actuality, and ship, a big boat in water, so its a large real boat in water(LOL and quirky begins), and guess what I can't swim, but I really like water especially the ocean, but I am weary of real boats, so I take canoes. Silly me creating a funny story. And maybe that's it maybe I create so many stories, that the actual "ship" is afraid of meeting such standards (Its like the Titanic). And being serious, maybe it is the optimism that is scary to others. Maybe others already envision failure because they have also be in an "actual ship" which failed and the idea of another one is scary. We humans tend to be afraid of failure and worst we are afraid of what could be successful as well. Many of us haven't seen success, especially in "actual ships."
It could be the one after me, isn't so intense, isn't so optimistic, isn't so caring, isn't so supportive, doesn't push to get more out of life, isn't ready for 2.5 kids, dog, cat, and pet snake....
Or I am in the "The never ending, don't tell mom, this is not another, teenage mutant, madea's family, dies hard again movie".... and I play "everyone's favorite supportive, you only ever saw as one of the guys, shoulder to cry on, sleep with and act awkward towards two days later when you introduce your fiance, sidekick." Well you know sometimes they make sequels for that character...damn there I go with the optimism again....here we go: "I still know what you did in New York on Valentine's Day With the return of the Jedi."
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