Later while walking the dog, you know when I have major epiphanies and what not, I was thinking: you know what, that's the only ONE who broke my heart. Interestingly enough.
One was merely fun and games or at least that is how I see it now. I am not sure my heart was in it. I think my brain was, unfortunately it wasn't looking at the big picture. But this "relationship" helped me to see I needed to grow up a little... It helped me to know that I can not rely on a man to take of me. Breaker of heart he was not...more like a wake up call, that I needed...
The rebound...simple as that...well I was a rebound too...smh....no heartbreak here; I thought it was but soon realized it was just another silly little fling.
The starter...you would think he would be the heart breaker being the first love but that's not how it went down. It was more like a tale of unfortunate events leading up to the conclusion. Like a starter you never want it to end even as it becomes toxic to the both of you. You hope that the night you had that one time is the same night you have every night. You know the night, when the air was just right and you're in his arms and he brushes your hair back and kisses your forehead. You know the morning you both laugh at something and are in hysterics with each other. Silly jokes you have to this day...several years later you know you can text one word and the response will be LMAO. And still he is not the heart breaker.
No the heart breaker is that random guy you haven't seen in forever who you just happen to message and boom goes the dynamite...a cluster of f*ckery occurs. A whirlwind of up and down...phone calls of drunken hysterics, my form of tough love with words, tears on both sides, I want to but I can'ts, I can't because, we can't because, my job, your job, where you live, where I live, time schedule, money, blah blah blah....my female mentality said that all those things didn't matter we could work through it and his insecure male mentality said no we can't...on to the next one.... and it was simple just like I said it would be simple...just like I said, we probably won't be talking anymore, not every night like we use too, not at all... and its true schedule really played a huge part in it, but the reality is he played the bigger role. and I watched as November became December and then January, than February than March 17th, April, May, Junio, Julio, Agosto, Septiembre, Octubre and then it was November again...(October actually holds more significance but November was the last time I saw this person in person or so I remember) and a year had gone by(although there is that book I wrote that is a few thousand words sort of a novel based on the true fiction that didn't help) and I struggled through ALL of Prince Royce (and Michael Jackson) and then more months passed before a random text happens to appear on my phone.... and he gets the Heart Breaker status because of the tumultuous time that occurred and the way I felt when it was all said and done...which was just like the joke where someone is standing in front of a crowd and says: F*** You, F*** You and F*** you....
Then I get this text and its not like all these feeling come rushing back or that there's anger or anything...but there was a little resentment I think... so no I didn't respond until now:
"yeah I'm good, and my mom is good, hope you are well...and I think I will forever be connected to the Power Rangers, take care."
FORTUNATELY heartbreak doesn't mean its the end all.... and I have learn recently that what might have crossed your mind may have crossed another person's mind and once someone gets the nerve to say it there can be a connection... and he could be the Happy Ending and I quote:
"It's staying the last and remaining the last."
And the process begins again but hopefully he can stay true to his quote....
