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| UNIQUA |
So I am supposed to discuss what makes me different from other people... I feel like I should have interviewed people and asked them. I don’t know how I am different but I know that I am. For a long time i thought that different was also a negative. Different implied that I was weird or not normal like everyone else. Odd even. WHICH is the ULTIMATE insult because I love all things even. It took such a long time from me to fall in love the unique that I am. First I had to recognize that my mom didn’t actually think I was weird, but she had trouble understanding my different. We talk about it all, we talk about my obsessions or as I like to call them “passions”. She also gives me credit because my different has taken me far. Like my comic con life.
I also had to recognize that so many people that I thought we haters (and were actual haters) weren’t dissing me because I was actually “weird” but they were haters cause they want to have the same gall to do some of the things that I do.
Finally, I had to learn that different doesn’t equal weird. I am me... I am me... Dani D. She can be the teacher, the koreaboo, cosplayer, singer, let the good times roll, never mind I’m gonna just stay home. I think people just aren’t ready for how deep I can take certain topics. BUT I will NEVER forget what my friend said to me one night...
I apologized to him for talking his ear off about Jun.K and his response was: “But that’s just you.” He almost seemed as if he was saying it just wouldn’t be me to be any other way and that he accepted me for it.
THATS a friend!!! Shout out to NICO!!!
So what makes me different? I love hard... MY passion is strong... If we are real friends I would give you my heart... if you pretend to be my friend I know you are pretending but I will still love you. My imagination is ridiculous, like Barney ridiculous without drugs or alcohol. Whatever I am involved in I put my heart into it... which is why I actually gave a damn about school, band and other extracurricular. I don’t like to be f***ed over which is why I haven’t “settled.” We could go 10 years without speaking but if/when I reach out its like time never passed. My love never changed. I care about people who wronged me and I care for people who have loved me. I ignore the terrible things in the world because it would send me to a depression because I once believe in Michael Jackson’s dream to heal the world. I try to always have well wishes for everyone. I work my ass off in whatever I do and don’t usually seek reward or expect recognition. I often have to hold myself back from over helping. There are so many times I am thinking of something that relates to a problem a friend or co-worker might be dealing with and I have to stop myself from texting them at like 12 am.
Is that the kind of different you expected? Do you believe it? Do you disagree? Have I been mean? Yes. I have a tendency to get pissed when I feel like I am repeating myself or giving the same advice to the same problem and eventually I will snap and tell you how I really feel no sugar coating. Now I am careful when speaking to others because some people need sugar coating. I LOVE Jun. K and I would tell him to his face that he is pitchy and that wasn’t the right note. I could say to him easily: “No I don’t like that hairstyle.” Or plainly stop acting like a little boy and stand up for yourself live your life Minjunnie!!!!
BUT honestly I can’t take it. The same treatment in return. If someone gives me a back handed ass compliment or says they don’t like something about it me... it hurts I internalize it and try to fix it. I will withdraw and meditate on what I’ve done. I got a bad review as a teacher once... you might as well had killed me... but I bet YOU I have only had HIGHLY EFFECTIVE after that review even if the person wasn’t eh “qualified” to review me in such a way I can never be at the point again. A friend read one of my stories and was super critical and it was like a wrecking ball to my ego. Like what do you mean. After pouting I re-read the story over and over, until I one realized it was my story and two I only had to take some of the criticism seriously and forget the rest. He was right about some technical stuff, but his thought would have changed the whole story.
Its a struggle because for so many years I was made to feel like I needed to stop being me to appease the world, but do you know how hard it is to be half of yourself. Its like you aren’t even living. I am so glad that’s all over. I mean I tone it down for people who can’t handle me, but I don’t turn Dani off anymore.
PS: I blame everything on being an AQUARIUS...every part of me is JUST like an AQUARIUS.
