OH and... natural...

I am natural again... going back to relaxers was crazy... I am trying natural again because I just want to see who I am... if that makes sense.... plus relaxers cost....getting my hair pressed is cheaper... LOL.... this philosophy is hilarious.... I am just tired of the process... even though the natural process is like WORK!!!!! Especially since I hate ummm... coarse...edges... let's be 100 um the term is nappy.... I apologize for those who don't like that word but um yeah... my edges be like.... AHHHHH Real Monsters.... luckily there are products that help.... I am like 4 months in... I can't remember the last perm.... hmmmmm.....

but why is it called natural?why don't we just call it hair?

I've Come Down with Bad Case of Yellow Fever...and its OK!

I love black men, I love white men, I love Spanish men, AND I love Asian men…

What’s wrong with loving our Asian brothers? Yea…. I’m not sure, but I do know that for whatever reason albeit discrimination, racism, or misconceptions; black and Asian love has been taboo.  Even with this taboo recently I have seen and used #yellowfever quite a bit recently.  

#yellowfever 

According to urban dictionary: “When non-Asian guys have a strong preference or fetish for women of Asian descent. These men exclusively date Asian women. They also learn an Asian language and travel to Asian countries, attempting to find a wife. Like the real disease, there is no cure.” 

  LOL!!!!!! Urban Dictionary is hilarious and even though it only refers to men let me just say I know how to say Hello in Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Thai,  and Tagalog (Filipino). I am teaching myself Korean including Hangul to the best of my ability.
 

Taboo, K Drama and Admitting the Problem (Is it really a problem though?)

"Look mom Chinese people." Yeah I've said that a few times as a child. But in Dover, Delaware back in the late 80's early 90's you just didn't see Asian people like that around here. Or maybe I was just sheltered. I remember there was a little Filipino boy that lived down the street, but at the time he was just Jon. Then my first crush looked like:

Needless to say he was black and Asian. From there I put my love for the "chinky" eye aside. Not just because there weren't many to choose from, but from what we get taught as we get older, like the main assumption: "Asians don't like blacks." The movie Menace II Society took that to a crazy level.
 Then there are all the other assumptions that fall into place in misguided people like: "Asians are nerds." "Asian men have small penises." Then there are the ones I have come up with on my own like: "Asian dude doesn't like black girls." "Ok he does like black girls but I am not "black enough."" Or maybe: "Since he was the top of his Doctoral class and is now an engineer, doctor, scientist, professor of some smart people stuff why would he be interested in me." The worst one is: "They are communist." (Damn communist tho?)

THANK GOD FOR THE INTERNET...(even tho I also found the crazy mess smh)

...which has taught me most of our (and my) assumptions are wrong. Its not that Asians don't like blacks it just that like any other race they are fed the same stereotypical/generalized BULL that others are fed and have come up with their own assumptions. PLUS traditions from the "motherland." Its also a matter of differences. Just as I did as a child there had to have been an Asian kid who said: "Look mom, black people." ( Please read ridiculousness here Why do Asian People Love White People but hate Black People?) Also: http://www.brittneyhood.com/kenneth-eng-why-i-hate-blacks/
http://askakorean.blogspot.com/2007/03/cant-we-all-just-get-along.html
Believe it or not, all Asians are not nerds. Well... it seems that basically they are pushed to be the best academically and they are into some things that one can identify as nerd -ish, but lately the "nerd" aspect slowly goes away as they grow (just as we all grow) once they go out and see the world and learn more about themselves. Like I said we all make that pilgrimage.
Small Pee Pee's huh? Who started this rumor? I want to know who started the small penis thing. I feel like this rumor alone has cockblocked a- many -a Asian man. Ok so I averaged it out between 5 different Asian countries and scientifically/mathematically this could be true. SMH... The average of the five different countries was 4.2 inches and I don't know if this is while flacid or erect. If while erect than...all I can say is the average size in the USA is 5.1 so I mean.... BUT at any rate the internet/instagram taught me that the penis stuff is all a myth and you may be pleasantly surprised.... just like I was surprised to find a Chinese dude in Kentucky who was ok with dating black, white... ETC...(I happen to believe Chinese are the most "conservative" so this was new to me).
Regardless of any race I date, I worry that I am not "black enough" and that includes skin pigmentation and let's face it, an Asian dude recently told me he thought I was Asian and lets not forget all the Spanish guys who think that I am Spanish. SMH.... In those cases... Hola...Nihao! LOL!!! I also worry about things like hair differences and some cultural differences. (Like remember to take off my shoes)
  The last two scenarios, well one is from my own insecurities (of not being smart enough even though I work really hard to try to learn alot all the time, just not to be a doctor) and the other is from reading books based on the 1930's-1960's. I really shouldn't worry about communism but its one of the scary words the government has taught Americans to be afraid of....

 Like I said the internet has helped with all my misconceptions, but I wouldn't have even done the research if it hadn't of been for K. Drama. Yes Korean Drama. It got me. Like all the way. (and kpop) 

And with it I was finally able to say: "Hey he's hot!" And not feel "a way". 

Jonathan Stanton like YASSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

 Then I found out there were others just like me, as in other black girls who loved Asian guys. That really made me feel like, oh wow I am not alone!

AND LET ME BE REAL:

Let's not front and act like black folks don't have a position on this situation because in all honesty as the Black girl in the situation I am the one getting the flack about it from my peers. Like when I showed a friend a pic of an Asian dude I found attractive; her response: "How do you find that attractive?" or others turning their nose up. Even though black men seem to love Asian women, I find some black dudes  jeer a little about black girls and Asian guys like: "why would you be with him, what can he do for you?" I actually had a guy act as if he had nothing to worry about when it came to an Asian guy and him because he thought HE was so much more good looking than the an Asian guy. HA! SMH... as if the Asian guy was not or could not be attractive to me. (That was just dumb.)

"We are all people, why limit yourself?"

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
And can we not look at these couples like there is something wrong... I thought that most of us were over the interracial dating thing. As many cream babies that are in the schools I really thought interracial dating wasn't such a big deal and the way people LOVE "blasian" babies, BUT the memes on Instagram tell me other wise...there is a whole, as I like to call it "underworld" of Black girls who love Asian men AND Asian men who LOVE black girls...
One day maybe we will stop being caught up on dumb stuff, maybe one day we will have open hearts, maybe one day we will open ourselves to learning about one another and maybe I am just a dreamer. At the end of the day whether a black man sweeps me off my feet or a polka dotted man I just KNOW he better treat me like I ought to be treated and love me as I should be loved and in return I'll love him in the way he needs to be loved.... (another blog for another day).... 

PS: It seems that "yellow fever" is a term really frowned upon. I don't agree with fetishizing a race or any other things. I don't fetishize Asians I simply find Asian men attractive. 

The Gym, My Disdain, and Why I will keep paying....

It was 5th grade....

We all stood in our rows for Volleyball during PE also know as GYM. Looking back I was incredibly awkward. All the kids in the class had grown up together at West Elementary, East Elementary, South Elementary, Hartly or Fairview. I was was from Arnold and Welch Elm. on the other side of town in the opposing district. I swear if I had of stayed in that district I would have become a cheerleader, voted most popular, and overall more out going. At William Henry I was not and in this district I would never be any of that...at the impressionable time of 5th and 6th grade I soon learned that I was the epitome of wack/geek/dork/nerd. Nothing about me was cool. And I didn't try to be anything, but wack/geek/dork/nerd...I loved two "things" Michael Jackson and Power Rangers although by the sixth grade I tried to put those things away to start seeing what the other kids liked...but I digress...back to the GYM...the other side was serving. They hit the ball... it came over...in my direction...and...bop! Hit me in the head. Laughter fell upon the group as I probably did something silly to get through the embarrassment. And that is what the Gym means to me...embarrassment.

It continues....

I am like 30 years and 2 months old and the Gym continues to mean this to me.  Even though in the adult gym there are like a zillion treadmills and bunch of other apparatus that the guys use and a little section for girls like me, I still feel like the Volleyball is hitting me. I still feel the urge to use comic relief to assist in my embarrassment even though no one is watching me. I feel like my body is quite odd, I am 5'1.5" in height. My arms length from my fingertips to my shoulder is at least 2'4" My legs from hip to feet are 2'11''. Those numbers sound small, but I look lanky and I am short so I just look weird. My mom is always saying you have really long arms, and a lady noticed my arms were long. I also have big feet for someone of my height. This is the things the folks on my dad's side are 5'9-5'10, the folks on my mom's side, 4'11'', 4'9''.  My great grand and my grandma were those heights. Put it to you like this...I am a petite who can't wear petite sizes because the length of the sleeves are "young" and the pants are always high waters.....

Apparatus...

Then what do I know about a gym? Yeah I took weight training at Howard...that was cake walk, I just did what I normally do, Lucille Ball/ blonde. Its easier. I always feel like I am doing it wrong. Like what is the correct form for a push up, or a crunch or a sit up. Do you use this for arms? Which weight should I use and at the gym even though there are "workers" asking them would be too much like right? LOL!!!

 

 Partners...

My mom is always like we should go to the gym on base.  She always says it's better when you have someone to go with you and I'm like to myself saying "Whatever, I do everything SOLO DOLO!!!!" That

is me as a matter of fact my nickname should be Dans Solo (Star Wars Humor). I have gone to club solo dolo, I go shopping solo dolo, I talk to me...(I know that's cray) but you know what I don't have anybody and I find that when I do it is a freaking wreck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like shopping with a buddy can be terrible. If you are broke so you know you can't shop hard core, but you friend is ballin' you will find yourself in Neimans like I can't afford to look at these things. Vice-versa. BUT...aren't things a lot more fun when done with a pal? I really probably need to get a gym pal, but who? I walk my pals (dogs) everyday or at least try. Guess what they do? Stop in this really nice yard down the street and lays in their grass, like we aren't going for a walk....FAIL!

 Why is it all about WEIGHTS? 

At HU I got up to about 55-65 lbs on the bench press...yeah I am back to just the bar. What I look like lifting? A girl. That's how I look. Ok so they have yoga classes and aerobics...hello um Little Miss Awkward. WHY don't they have like volleyball class. I know this is hilarious, but ASIDE from the humiliation from middle school I love Volleyball, and GET THIS...I grew up playing tennis. Like I had lessons!! And I like to think that I was good at it. But that is what gym should be games of some sort of indoor sporting. You may be saying: "well there are leagues and city of Dover type things for that..." yeah I know I signed up for Tennis about a year or two ago and they mailed me my check back saying that they NO ONE ELSE SIGNED UP, just me. What a dork!!!

 

This is my sport right here!

I pay $10 bucks every month and I will keep paying....

I couldn't tell you the last time I was at the gym, but I keep paying like a dummy. But it seems like all 30 years old need a membership. Seriously "gyming" became a fad and I got my trendy membership so now I am trendy. I guess its adult me still trying to fit in.... Plus I am forever saying I need to go. The initiative/motivation is not there. It's actually really dumb because $120 plus that one time fee in January could by me alot of dresses and shoes....it is also a payment towards a bill, but I am an American I don't have number sense or smarts for money...I only understand capital capital capital....

I'll go...but today is not the day....

I still love Michael and Power Rangers...so I am pretty sure I am still that awkward little girl...and as I get older I am becoming more awkward. I am like where'd these boobs come from...why do I now need a REAL sports bras?  Everything thing jiggles, but hey if you don't go in the first place then of course it all jiggles. Sneakers? Reebok? Nike? Who are they? Ok I am over exaggerating but let's face it the last pair of sneakers I bought were wedge heels for style not running.